In which Orko and his uncle make my blood boil.
Good evening. You may be interested to know that WordPress tells me which countries are reading these reviews, and I can here report that there have been readers from 26 different countries so far. The USA is in the lead by a considerable distance (227 views, as compared to the nearest rival’s 172), and thus it is that I suspect the vast majority of my readership today will have no idea what I’m talking about when I mention that the football competition Euro 2016 starts this evening. I don’t like football, and I’m going to neatly segue into this review by announcing that the one thing I like less than football is Orko.
I should also here note that anyone reading these reviews is likely to be a dedicated He-Man fan and thus may be very upset when they get to this week and find that I’ve done this one out of order. On my DVDs, the episode following Song of Celice was entitled The Return of Orko’s Uncle, and since we hadn’t met Orko’s uncle yet, I thought it might be best if we watch this one first. Because I’m sure it will matter.
Anyway, an evil wizard called Toron (no relation, presumably, to the city in Song of Celice) conjures up a storm, which is intended to bring him some allies from another world. It actually brings him a rubbish brown dinosaur thing called Gark from Orko’s world, Trolla. Also brought to Eternia is Orko’s uncle Montork, but he gets diverted into a cave where Prince Adam, Cringer and Orko are being attacked by a manticore monster.
Once He-Man intervenes, the manticore is defeated, leaving our heroes to get on with the serious business of taking Uncle Montork to lunch at the Palace. Toron watches them eating on his iPad and concludes that he needs to capture Montork as a partner for Gark in the conquest of Eternia. With this in mind, he teleports Gark into the Palace, where he hypnotises Montork, who instantly assaults Orko. I think I like Montork after all.
After a quick altercation between He-Man, Orko, Montork and Gark, Toron projects his face onto the Palace wall to laugh evilly and reveal that the next objective is Castle Grayskull. He teleports Montork and Gark away, leaving He-Man to follow in a flying machine that looks like a robotic chicken.
Montork and Gark transform themselves into butterflies and fly into Grayskull, which is a surprisingly intelligent tactic. They quickly locate the door to the Inner Chambers, beyond which the Power of Grayskull is stored. He-Man shows up just in time to prevent them getting inside, but for no apparent reason, Montork steals the robotic chicken and quickly proves himself entirely incapable of flying it.
In the meantime, Battle-Cat and Orko head to Toron’s cave to capture Toron’s iPad, which is controlling Montork and Gark. They achieve this pretty speedily, and use the iPad to teleport themselves to Grayskull, but idiotically bring Toron with them. Orko saves the day by persuading Montork that he loves him, thus breaking the spell on both Montork and Gark.
He-Man finishes up by destroying the iPad, which rather tragically causes Toron to degenerate into an aged, bent and broken old man. None of our ostensive “heroes” has any sympathy whatsoever for him. Montork and Gark then are pulled back to Trolla, Montork telling Orko that the most wonderful magic of all is just being alive. Tell it to Toron, you heartless bastard.
In today’s adventure…
Orko talks to us about the various kinds of magic. These include a rainbow, a mother taking care of her young, and being alive. This made me want to reach through the screen and throttle him.
Hmm, let’s see. There was Prince Adam, He-Man, Cringer, Battle-Cat, the Sorceress, and Toron. I seem to recall there were a few really, really annoying characters in it too. Who were they again? Oh yes. Orko, Gark, and the intolerable Uncle Montork.
Excuse given for Prince Adam’s disappearance:
On He-Man’s first appearance, Orko remarkably attempts to claim to his uncle that he used his magic to summon He-Man, though Montork is not convinced. On the second occasion, He-Man explains that Adam and Cringer had a “pressing engagement”. He says “pressing” as if it’s a pun, which it decidedly is not. Or if it is, then I missed the joke entirely.
Thanks to Skeletor’s absence, there’s not much in this department this week. The best anyone can muster is Toron calling Orko a “troublesome Trollan”.
Does it have the Power?
I don’t think I even need to say that no it doesn’t. I despise Orko, even when he’s only a minor character hanging round the fringes of an episode. When he’s the centrepiece, and coupled with Montork, who’s basically another version of Orko where the only discernible difference is a big white beard, he becomes at best tedious and at worst enormously irritating. For the evil spell to be broken by the power of love is the sort of infuriating storytelling device that I’d have hated even when I was five years old, and it hasn’t improved on me with age. The worst thing about this episode, though, is that I have to live with the knowledge that in four episodes’ time they made a sequel.