In which I start to lose the will to live.
Oh, thanks, God. As if the EU Referendum results weren’t devastating enough, I now have to deal with Orko’s stupid uncle again. And sure enough, we open with a return to the dildo forest of Trolla, where we find Uncle Montork trying to arrest a stupid blue individual called Azrog. Azrog, not unnaturally, escapes and heads to Eternia to team up with a witch called Spydra, while Montork gives chase.
Something goes awry in this process, however, and Montork ends up in Spydra’s clutches, while Azrog lands up in the Palace. He attempts to paint himself as a serious threat, but this impression is somewhat diminished by the fact that Orko and Teela manage to trap him under a tablecloth while Adam is off turning into He-Man. However, due to incompetence on He-Man’s part, Azrog subsequently escapes and heads for Spydra’s castle.
He-Man, Teela and Orko follow, teaming up with Montork, while inside the castle, Azrog sends a pink dragon to attack our heroes. Don’t gasp in astonishment or anything, but He-Man is completely unthreatened by the dragon. During the course of the fight, Orko nips off to tackle Azrog on his own, hoping to make Montork proud of him. The inevitable result, of course, is his capture by Azrog and Spydra.
Charging to the rescue, He-Man neutralises Spydra in about 1.4 seconds, but Azrog proves to be slightly more challenging. In fact, he has turned Orko evil, thus prompting a nice long and tremendously exciting fight between Orko and Montork. In the meantime, Azrog repeatedly levitates up to the ceiling, sometimes in a red velvet chair, while He-Man and Teela take turns to stop him. This is as interesting as it sounds.
Once again, Montork persuades Orko that he loves him, which is the key to stopping Orko being evil. There’s a lot of dreadful dialogue in this bit, including, “Love is the greatest power in the universe. Do you feel love, Orko? If you feel it, you have it.” Then, thank Christ, Montork returns to Trolla, taking Azrog and Spydra with him. And good riddance to all of them.
In today’s adventure…
Orko explains that playing with things you don’t understand, such as electricity, pills, and berries on a bush is likely to lead to trouble. This is tenuously linked to an irrelevant part of the episode where he had messed about with Spydra’s magic toys. I suppose as morals go, it’s reasonable enough, and I’ll let it pass simply thanks to this not being another interminable lecture about the power of love.
I don’t know why you’d care who’s in this gibberish, but on the off chance that you do, there’s Prince Adam, Cringer, He-Man, Teela, Orko, Montork, Azrog and Spydra. I think Battle-Cat might be in it too, but I didn’t note it down when I was watching, and I’m certainly not going to watch it again to find out.
Excuse given for Prince Adam’s disappearance
Once Azrog appears in the Palace, Adam quickly realises that this is a job for He-Man, and accordingly runs off, muttering, “I just remembered I have, er, I have an appointment. Nice meeting you, Azrog.”
Not a lot going on in this category today, the only contender being Teela calling the pink dragon an “Overgrown buzzard”.
Does it have the Power?
No. No it doesn’t. This episode has pretty much everything that could make He-Man a real chore to watch: a spotlight on Orko, the appearance of Montork, the substitution of Skeletor for really tedious baddies, barely any actual plot, and most irritatingly, the hippy resolution of love conquering all. Moreover, the writers seem to have forgotten that last time Montork appeared, Orko was regarded on Trolla as a powerful sorcerer, so why on this occasion does he feel he has to prove himself to Montork?
The only redeeming feature comes during the fight between Orko and Montork, when Teela turns to He-Man and demands, “He-Man, do something!” He-Man doesn’t move a muscle, perhaps thinking that whichever one loses, he’ll at least be rid of Orko or Montork, which has to be a bonus. This, naturally, is not enough for me to issue a recommendation for this episode. I suggest you skip it, or if you’re really talented, you could artfully scratch your DVDs so it never can be played again.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need a good strong drink, and then I need a break from reality while I adjust to a new and nonsensical political situation.