In which He-Man finds shaking hands with a four-armed man hilarious.
If we were to remove the word “magic” from the title, I’d be a lot more optimistic about this episode, but here we go anyway. The plot, such as it is, begins with Orko messing about trying to increase his magical powers with a silly crystal of some sort, but it all goes wrong thanks to some stupid white bouncing animal called a Gronk knocking him out of the way. The crystal explodes, and the Gronk disappears.
Later, Orko tries to demonstrate a magic trick to the court, but he quickly realises that all his magical powers are gone. “Oh no,” you all cry. “Who will irritate us with stupid tricks now?” Without his magic, Orko convinces himself that he’s no good to anyone, despite Adam and Teela telling him that they love him for himself, not for his magic. Adam goes so far as to say Orko is a special person, which I’d agree with, depending on your definition of special.
Adam, Cringer and Orko consult the Sorceress, who informs them that the Gronk absorbed all of Orko’s magic and then disappeared to another world. Obviously. She opens a portal to the correct world, and He-Man, Battle-Cat and Orko head through. On arrival, they meet a two-headed man who welcomes them to the planet Omiros, and informs them that an evil wizard called Zolt from Castle Ackle is using the magical powers in the Gronk to ruin the planet.
Arriving at Castle Ackle, our heroes are greeted by a blue giant, which is convenient for He-Man, since it’s now past the commercial break and he hasn’t hit anyone yet. Once the giant is despatched with the customary efficiency, He-Man and co. enter Castle Ackle and quickly meet Zolt, who wears a long purple robe and has the same ridiculous eye mask as Burglar Bill. He poses on his throne like he’s modelling for Men’s Health.
He-Man isn’t in the least impressed by this dandy, and quickly defeats him with a variation on the “please don’t throw me into that there briar patch” trick. Despite the unexpected and unwelcome appearance of a bunch of mechanical lions at this juncture, He-Man rescues the Gronk and they return to the portal to Eternia.
But shockingly, the portal disappears before they can enter it. He-Man exclaims, “Oh no!” but frankly, he doesn’t sound like he means it. It’s almost disinterested: the sort of “Oh no” you might say if, for example, someone said you were never allowed to watch Orko’s Missing Magic again. Anyway, the stupid man with two heads from earlier helps out and recreates the portal, then shakes hands with He-Man, at which He-Man laughs his fool head off.
Back at the Palace, we find that the Sorceress has successfully restored Orko’s magic, and he is back to his old habits performing magic tricks for the court. Which is, I think, a resolution for which we are all truly thankful.
In today’s adventure …
Orko dispenses today’s pearl of wisdom, which is the same as various other episodes, namely that you don’t have to give people presents or make them laugh in order to be liked. This is fortunate, because I never give people presents or make them laugh. On the other hand, I don’t have any friends.
Appearing today for our delight and delectation are Prince Adam, Cringer, He-Man, Battle-Cat, Orko, Man-at-Arms, the Sorceress, Teela, King Randor, Queen Marlena, the Gronk, the two-headed man, the blue giant, and Burglar Bill or whatever the hell his name was.
Excuse given for Prince Adam’s disappearance
“I know someone who can help us. See you later, Teela,” says Adam, before trotting off to transform into He-Man. I don’t know why he tries to make this seem mysterious: it’s obvious that the unspecified “someone” isn’t exactly going to be Ram-Man, is it?
He-Man comes in for a bit of abuse today, being referred to as “Pipsqueak” and “Shorty” by the big blue giant, and as “Muscle man” by Zolt.
Egg on your face?
It wouldn’t be an episode about Orko’s magic without something in this category, so I’m pleased to report that the final joke is a goblet of water being upended on Man-at-Arms’ head. Then the entire court laughs like hyenas. People this easily amused shouldn’t be in charge of a planet.
Does it have the Power?
In absolute fairness, this episode isn’t terrible, insofar as episodes about Orko go. That isn’t to say it’s good, obviously, but it’s not painful to watch in the same way that the two episodes about Uncle Montork were. Zolt is a rubbish baddy, but I did enjoy his appearance purely because his outfit is so insane. On the other hand, the Gronk was a little too cutesy for my liking. In short though, the main thing undermining the episode is that I genuinely couldn’t care less if Orko never did get his magic back. Ultimately, this is a slightly below average outing that I would recommend skipping unless you’re a major Orko fan (in which case, what’s wrong with you?).