Episode 064 – The Remedy

In which He-Man is essentially dispatched on an urgent mission to the chemist’s shop to buy some paracetemol for Man-at-Arms’ old mate.

Man-at-Arms’ former teacher Rohan is desperately ill with a mysterious disease, so Man-at-Arms, Teela and Adam pay him a visit. There they learn from Rohan’s assistant, a gnome called Meetro, that Rohan’s disease came on very suddenly after a bite from a strange insect. I must say, I have the distinct suspicion that “bite from a strange insect” is a euphemism for “night on the tiles”, and that frankly Rohan has nothing worse than a severe hangover. Nonetheless, Adam and Man-at-Arms take the matter seriously and troll off to Castle Grayskull, where the Sorceress informs them that only a herb called fenwood from a cave on the top of Mount Zelite can save Rohan.

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The Sorceress: “See the stick, He-Man? Go fetch, boy! Fetch!”

Adam decides that this is sufficient provocation to necessitate a change into He-Man, and he and Man-at-Arms fly off to Mount Zelite. En route, Man-at-Arms realises there’s no way this story is going to fill a 20 minute runtime, so he indulges in a flashback about the happy days of his youth, blowing stuff up in Rohan’s lab. He-Man listens to this reverie but doesn’t comment, perhaps tacitly implying that it’s a really boring story.

The next few minutes are taken up with storytelling on a pre-school level: He-Man comments, “I hope we don’t meet a tactryl,” and they immediately do meet one. Then Man-at-Arms adds, “I hope we don’t get caught up in a swirl,” and lo and behold, they instantly do. Who’d have thought it? Anyway, the Wind Raider crashes, and Man-at-Arms flat out refuses to go any further. He-Man sets off to Mount Zelite, running so fast that he leans forward at a 45 degree angle.

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He-Man: “Maybe I can run so fast I’ll run right out of this bloody awful episode.”

The episode now treats us to a seemingly endless succession of excruciatingly dull scenes in which He-Man has a fight with an octopus, runs past some deer, gets sucked into a whirlpool, swings like an ape through the Vine Jungle, fights a giant spider, jumps over a chasm, and finally reaches the cave at the top of Mount Zelite. These scenes are interspersed with equally dull scenes of Man-at-Arms, Teela and Meetro handwringing at Rohan’s bedside.

Once in the cave, He-Man’s passage is impeded by an invisible barrier. A ghostly floating head appears and introduces itself as one of the Ancients, informing He-Man that mortals do not respect the ways of the Ancients. He-Man comes up with the most obvious rejoinder, “I do respect the ways of the Ancients,” and he’s damned lucky that the Ancients don’t bother to ask him if he even knows what the ways of the Ancients are. Instead, they just give him some fenwood and tell him to piss off.

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He-Man: “I say this every other week, but I really have to lay off the ‘special’ mushrooms.”

He-Man gets on the back of a friendly tactryl and flies back to Rohan’s house through a selection of yet more tedious perils, arriving just in time to apply the fenwood, though he pauses first to indulge in a really odd meandering rant. Then Rohan gets better and everyone says thank you, really intensely. I also said thank you, because the episode was finally over.

 

In today’s adventure…

Teela decides to indulge in a little spot of gibberish, ranting on about how this episode taught us the true meaning of friendship, and that our parents are our two best friends. I think the real moral to be drawn from this irredeemably rubbish episode is that no matter how hard you try, it’s impossible to be even vaguely interested in a show in which He-Man is reduced to the role of a glorified medicine distribution company.

 

Character checklist

The cast this week is limited to Prince Adam, He-Man, Man-at-Arms, Teela, the Sorceress, Rohan, Meetro, and the Ancient Spirit. Probably no one else would agree to be in it.

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Rohan: “Maybe if I whack Man-at-Arms on the head when he’s young, he won’t grow up to be such a massive idiot.”

 

Excuse given for Prince Adam’s disappearance

Man-at-Arms tells Teela that Adam has gone back to the Palace, not that Teela asked.

 

Insults

The episode mostly consists of He-Man rabbiting on to himself about the various unexciting hazards he’s facing, and even He-Man isn’t mental enough to start insulting himself. So nothing to report here.

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He-Man: “I’m sorely tempted to poison Rohan so we’ll never have to sit through this sort of thing again.”

 

Does it have the Power?

What do you think? In case I haven’t made myself sufficiently clear, this is absolute drivel. It makes The Once and Future Duke look like Shakespeare, and even gives The Starchild a run for its money as worst episode yet. Its approach to storytelling boils down to something a really stupid child could achieve: “and then this happened, and then this happened, and then…” with utterly no effort to link it all together into any kind of a cohesive narrative. In summary: it’s dull and entirely without redeeming features. Don’t watch it.

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4 thoughts on “Episode 064 – The Remedy

  1. I really enjoyed this episode it has no actual villan, no skeletor either or baddies but its an episode I personally thought had a lot of love in, it just goes to show its all down to opinions! anyway I will happily explain my reasons… rohad, man at arms teacher this episode gives him some back ground story and its nice to know he had a teacher also, it demonstrated man at arms an he mans friendship very nicely, the fact that rohad almost died is unique in itself a character nearly dying in he man this is a he man episode ! the best scene of all has to be the begging scene, this really portrays he mans special qualities the fact hes also extremely humble an not to proud to get on his hands an knees “i beg of you to help me save someones life I cant force myself aginst you I can only ask for your help” to quote! Anyway the remedy isn’t a classic episode but I personally really enjoyed it for all the reasons iv stated, o yeah also the giant bird rescuing he man was another special moment returning the favour after he man saved it from the giant spider! I can understand why you personally don’t like it an why some don’t the down sides are no villans an he man is doing a lot of running around but there is a lot of love in this episode I thought, an I must admit I thought james ettocks review was bang on on this one it is a very unique episode an I like the way it was executed, as stated before someone nearly dying has never been heard of in he man so it had a lot of tension for me and suspense, I also liked how the scenes kept switching from he mans mission to get the vimewood and rohad in his bed basically dying with teela and man at arms by his side, anyway overall id say yes the remedy isn’t the greatest he man episode ever but its still very good, id probably score it a 7 to an 8 out of 10 depending on my mood! takecare.

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  2. This is the funniest review of yours so far. I like the reviews of episodes you enjoy too, but it was so much fun watching you tear into one you hate.

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  3. Agree yeah forgot yo say that I always find the reviews funny even the episodes you like! I just personally thought what this episode produced was Mira Lou’s very unique and very different from any other he man episode but as iv always said to each there own. The review I found hilarious of ones you hated was wizard of Stone Mountain I also hated that episode as well lol Paul Dinis only bad ep for me. The other review was return of the gryphon ripping that boy to shreds altho I did personally enjoy that ep but still found review hilarious even tho you hated it! It would be interesting to do a poll/vote to see which boy character he man fans found most annoying? Mine would have to be hands down Jeremy from the royal cousin ep!!

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  4. Meant the word miraculous in that last comment altho I’m alittle off with my spelling I didn’t mean it to be that! For the funniest guest character it’s just got to be lady edwina in creature from the tar swamp I’d recommended any he man fan to see this ep it’s hilarious in this ep she flirts with Adam and really rubs teela up the wrong way it’s pure stand up comedy laugh out loud!

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