Episode 02 – Beast Island

In which Bow begins his long and illustrious career of incompetence.

Opening shortly after He-Man’s capture by Adora, the remaining members of the Great Rebellion are trying to determine where he has been taken. Thanks to some magic from Madame Razz – whose irritating spells put her firmly in the role of a wannabe-Orko – they locate him on Beast Island. Glimmer asks brainlessly why the Horde would have taken him there, to which Bow replies that Beast Island is the location of the Horde’s prison. I realise that this is for the benefit of the viewers, but it makes Glimmer seem incredibly thick. As the leader of the Rebellion, she really ought to know where the Horde’s prison is.

Beast Island 1
Madame Razz: “So, you thought Orko was annoying, did you?”

In the prison, He-Man is chained up. He is struggling to break his chains and making noises which make him sound constipated. Unable to stand this unpleasant racket anymore, Adora – having nicked the power sword given to He-Man by the Sorceress last week – pops along for a little chat, in the course of which she reveals that she believes the Horde are caring, just rulers, and that the rebels are the evil ones. The full name of the Horde action figures was the Evil Horde, but I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt that that’s not their full name in the cartoon. She should, however, perhaps take a clue from the fact that Horde HQ is called the Fright Zone, which in all honesty is not the sort of name nice people give to their homes.

He-Man plants a seed in her mind that perhaps the Horde are the baddies after all, and suggests that she go out into Etheria, to speak to the people and learn the truth. Adora takes him up on the notion, gets onto her horse Spirit, and rides out of the prison. Hordak and Shadow Weaver wonder whether she may need watching, but ultimately decide that she is loyal, thanks to years of training from Hordak, and spells of control from Shadow Weaver.

Beast Island 2
Hordak: “Got to hand it to you, Shadow Weaver, you picked up a mighty fine bargain at DFS with this baby.”

Meanwhile, the rebels magic themselves up a flying ship, which they use to reach Beast Island. On arrival, they treat themselves to a stupid fight with a stupid monster before getting down to the serious business of rescuing He-Man. The Horde – including a Beast-Man rip-off called Grizzlor, who I don’t believe we met last week – put a variety of traps in their way, and to get past each and every one of them, they need Battle-Cat’s help. These no-hopers are not going to do well once He-Man and Battle-Cat return to Eternia and leave them to it.

He-Man is back to his constipation noises trick by the time the rebels find him. Of course, He-Man is only there as bait, and they all find themselves frozen in place, with a blast from Hordak’s silly arm-cannon. Grizzlor carts them all off to a cell – all except Kowl, who evades capture by some unspecified means, and then releases He-Man once all the baddies have gone.

Beast Island 3
He-Man: “Battle-Cat, you’re fired. Kowl has been far more useful today.”

He-Man releases all the rebels from their cell – though probably only out of a feeling of obligation, or because Battle-Cat is locked up with them – and in so doing, sets off the burglar alarm. The rebels run for it into a landing bay, where they nick a flyer and escape – though He-Man makes a point of demolishing the entire prison first. This has the unintended side effect of making Glimmer get the hots for him, which He-Man completely ignores.

In the meantime, Adora has been trotting around Etheria, witnessing a heart-rending montage of the Horde Troopers being mean to the villagers, by throwing them into rivers, nicking their horses and destroying their homes. She quickly comes to realise that the Horde are evil. How she could have missed this previously is beyond me, but I suppose that’s how brainwashing works. She returns to the Fright Zone to confront Hordak and Shadow Weaver, but is singularly ineffective in whatever she was hoping to achieve. Shadow Weaver simply puts her into a magical sleep, and takes the power sword. Then she and Hordak laugh their maniacal heads off for the purposes of a non-too-threatening cliff-hanger.

Beast Island 4
Adora: “Hey, you guys! You’re evil!”

 

In today’s adventure…

No moral lesson again, but I think we have all learned that if you discover you have been brainwashed all your life into thinking evil is good, and vice versa, then you should probably have some kind of objective in mind when you waltz into the chief brainwasher’s house and tell him that you’re wise to his little game. If you don’t have an objective, or a plan, or any backup, then you’re liable to get knocked out and re-brainwashed.

 

Character checklist

What a treat to spend time with these new characters! We have the old familiar He-Man and Battle-Cat, but otherwise it’s all newbies. There’s Adora, Glimmer, Bow, Madame Razz, Kowl, Broom, some green people, Hordak, Shadow Weaver, Grizzlor, some Horde Troopers and some random Etherians.

Beast Island 5
Glimmer: “This is such a very nice flying ship.”

 

Excuse given for Prince Adam’s disappearance

There’s no excuse for last week’s disappearance, and oddly enough, Bow and Glimmer etc seem to have forgotten all about their new friend Prince Adam and aren’t worried about where he’s gone. This is despite the fact that – as far as they know – he was quite possibly a Horde spy and they’ve shown him where the secret rebel headquarters are.

 

Insults

Grizzlor seems to think that adding ‘rebel’ to any other noun makes for a super insult. To be fair, it works well enough this episode with “rebel fools” and “rebel dogs”, both of which he applies to Glimmer, Bow, Kowl, Madame Razz, Broom and Battle-Cat. Elsewhere, we find a Horde Trooper nicking a horse and calling it a “miserable nag”, and shortly thereafter addressing the horse’s owner as a “little fool”. He-Man still can’t seem to muster up much enthusiasm for this Etherian jaunt, since the best he can manage to call Hordak is a “villain”.

And finally, Glimmer may well have said something insulting to a pair of Horde Troopers, but her voice was too sweet for me to understand it. It sounded like “Buzz”, which is possibly a reference to Kevin’s hideous brother from Home Alone and is thus incredibly insulting. On the other hand, it’s possibly not.

Beast Island 6
Horde Trooper: “I’m okay with being nameless cannon fodder, but I’m not cool with being associated with Buzz.”

 

Oh No, Bow!

I have a sneaking suspicion that throughout this cartoon, Bow is going to prove to be a massive failure at pretty much everything he does. Therefore, I am going to start up a little section to record every single time he does something stupid. In this episode, he adopts the traditional Man-at-Arms style by tripping up on a vine and being inexplicably unable to stand up while a monster attacks him, requiring rescue by Battle-Cat.

Bow also gets frozen by Hordak’s sleeping gas, but since everyone else does as well, it’s probably unfair to single him out for particular ridicule. Except that he deserves it.

Beast Island 7
Bow: “Yeah, fair play, I am as thick as bricks.”

 

Does it have the Power?

Again, since it’s part of a wider story, it’s not easy to tell. Frankly, I suspect the only particularly relevant part of this episode was Adora’s voyage of self-discovery; the rest of it (i.e. the vast majority) featuring He-Man being rescued did not contribute enormously to the overall story. In terms of character, nobody did anything to redeem my opinions from last week: Glimmer is still infuriating, and Shadow Weaver still has potential. Madame Razz confirmed my suspicions that she is going to be as annoying as Orko, if not possibly more so. The only new development is not a good thing: Hordak has a weird habit of snorting like a pig, which is off-putting.

Still, as part of the story, it gets Adora to where she needs to be, if nothing else. A grudging thumbs-up from me, I suppose.

 

Advertisements

Episode 01 – Into Etheria

In which Prince Adam meets a man with an even worse dress sense.

I had seen virtually every episode of He-Man at least once before embarking on this lunatic mission to review the entire Masters of the Universe canon. Contrastingly, I believe I have only ever watched one episode of She-Ra – something to do with a zoo, as I recall – so the next 93 reviews will be a voyage of discovery for me as well as for you. Of course, memories may well come back to me as I watch, though hopefully not because I repressed them the first time.

According to information I have painstakingly stolen from the internet, She-Ra was first introduced in a feature length film which was released to cinemas, called The Secret of the Sword. These were subsequently edited into the first five episodes of the She-Ra series, and they begin with this episode, Into Etheria. The opening sequence, unlike that of He-Man, tells me virtually nothing about the series set-up, but I assume this is because all will be revealed over the course of these first five episodes. If not, I flatter myself that I have sufficient intellectual capacity to fill in the blanks myself.

We open in the familiar environs of Castle Grayskull, though less familiar is the sight of the Sorceress in skimpy nightwear, having a terrible dream about a robotic skull-faced lunatic called Hordak kidnapping a baby named Adora. Waking with a shriek, the Sorceress sees a power sword – like He-Man’s, but different – floating down from the ceiling, and indicating that she should take it through a yellow portal.

Into Etheria 1
The Sorceress: “Follow that sword, myself? You must be joking.”

The Sorceress doesn’t take it through the portal, obviously. It might be dangerous, and she’s useless. Besides, she’s got someone to do that sort of thing for her. And so it is that Prince Adam and Cringer are summoned to Grayskull, given the new power sword, and told that he needs to find someone on the other side of the gate. The Sorceress further elaborates that she has no idea where the gate goes, and she won’t tell Adam who he’s looking for. Adam agrees to go, but it’s plain that he’s thinking, “Christ, she’s been nipping at the crème de cassis again.”

They find themselves on a completely mental planet, where all the plant life is a vile shade of pink. Adam, with the aesthetic sense that has led him to wear that hideous pink waistcoat all these years, comments, “Nice place, eh, Cringe?” Cringer retains sufficient brains to not respond. Unexpectedly, once oriented, Adam’s first move is to head for the local pub, where he settles down for a quick meal. Unfortunately, he doesn’t get to take a bite before three large grey robots enter.

Into Etheria 2.jpg
Prince Adam: “Innkeeper! Bring me the finest wines available to humanity.”

These robots are identified as Horde Troopers, and it seems that their objective is to push everyone in the pub around, and then sit down at a table. They are clearly what passes for evil masterminds around here, so of course it takes all of three seconds for Adam to start a barney with them. He is rescued from ignominious defeat by a gentleman called Bow, who surpasses even Adam in the competition for Campest Dresser in the Universe.

Into Etheria 3
Prince Adam: “You may have a camper dress sense, Bow, but my posing is still second-to-none.”

We now get a scene where we are introduced to all the baddies, which is amusing in that everybody uses each other’s full names quite extensively, to ensure the viewer gets the hang of it. This is admittedly subtler than the equivalent scene in He-Man’s Diamond Ray of Disappearance, in which Skeletor may as well have been reading out a Toys R Us catalogue as he listed his henchmen. Anyway, you may be interested to know that the chief baddy is that Hordak dude from earlier, and serving him we have a hovering witch called Shadow Weaver, a weird bug-eyed monster called Mantenna, a sexy cat woman called Catra, and a humanoid leech called Leech. There’s also another woman, dressed in typical Filmation style (i.e. virtually nothing) but she’s not important enough to get a name yet. At the end of the scene, Hordak emphasises how evil he is by transforming his arm into a giant cannon, and destroying a bit of his own fortress.

Into Etheria 4.jpg
Hordak: “Just to warn you, I am in no way as good as Skeletor.”

Bow takes Adam to a place called Whispering Woods, and informs him that he is welcome to join the Great Rebellion. We are now treated to a scene in which we meet all the goodies. The leader of the Rebellion is called Glimmer, a pink-haired sickly-sweet loon. Also present is a small green thing called Spragg, and a flying koala-owl crossbreed called Kowl. Finally, we meet an incompetent witch called Madame Razz, and her talking broomstick. Prince Adam’s dead eyes reflect his despair at being lumbered with these halfwits.

Madame Razz brings news that, as vengeance for Bow and Adam defeating the Horde Troopers, the Horde have placed the entire village under arrest. The rebels return to the village in time to see Catra, Mantenna, Leech and that other woman (now given the name of Scorpia) loading the villagers into a slave transport ship. The baddies are under the command of a blond woman, identified as Force Captain Adora. It’s worth noting that Cringer is oddly animated in this scene with his mouth hanging wide open and shaking his head from side to side, as if he’s having an involuntary spasm of some sort.

Into Etheria 5.jpg
Adora: “Check out this rubbish sword.”

The rebels attack the Horde, and are as incompetent as you might expect. Sighing heavily, Adam turns into He-Man and defeats every single one of the Horde pretty easily – although unexpectedly, he needs a bit of help from Spragg to defeat Mantenna. As He-Man faces off against Force Captain Adora, he suddenly realises that she is the one the Sorceress sent him to find. He is then shot in the back by a Horde Trooper, largely so that the words ‘To Be Continued’ can flash dramatically across the screen.

 

In today’s adventure…

I am led to believe that She-Ra normally dispenses moral lessons in the same way He-Man does, but this episode doesn’t come equipped with one. Therefore, I’m ideally placed to suggest my own: if you’re going to send the only competent defender of your planet through a mysterious yellow gateway, it’s at least courteous to tell him who you want him to find and why. That way, he might not be quite so surprised when it happens and therefore might not get shot.

 

Character checklist

This first episode of She-Ra features pretty much everyone except She-Ra. Let’s see – we’ve got Prince Adam, Cringer, He-Man, Battle-Cat, the Sorceress, Man-at-Arms, Bow, Glimmer, Madame Razz, Kowl, Broom, Spragg, Adora, Hordak, Shadow Weaver, Mantenna, Leech, Catra, Scorpia, a load of Horde Troopers, and various other background characters.

Into Etheria 6
Catra: “Team photo, guys!”

 

Excuse given for Prince Adam’s disappearance

Tricky, this one. Given Adam made the change towards the end of Part 1 of a five-part story, there’s a chance we might get the excuse next time. We certainly didn’t get one this time.

Of course, once we get into the series properly, I will make a subtle change in the title of this category. But on the off chance that you don’t know who She-Ra’s secret identity is yet, then I won’t spoil the surprise.

 

Insults

Plenty of insults flying round this week, though curiously they’re pretty much all dispensed by the goodies. The bard in the pub kicks things off by calling a Horde Trooper a “miserable wretch”. This is followed by Kowl calling Spragg a “ninny”, and Spragg then refers to Cringer as a “pussy cat”, which doesn’t go down well. Glimmer says that the Horde Troopers are “fiends”, while Bow decides that “sucker face” is the best description for Leech. Similarly, Spragg defines Mantenna as “bug-face”.

Into Etheria 7
Glimmer: “I’m sure we could come up with an insult for you, Madame Razz.”

The only insult from a baddy comes from Scorpia, who addresses He-Man as “muscle man”, which is nothing he’s not heard before. He-Man retaliates with the stinging, “You’re not much of a lady.”

 

Does it have the Power?

Again, it’s difficult to judge, given it was originally intended to be watched as part of a much bigger feature film. My critics might say that therefore I ought to watch the whole thing in one go, but my response is that I don’t think my nervous disposition could stand it.  My initial impression, unfortunately, is not too favourable. Glimmer barely gets any screen time, but I already loathe her with a passion, and Madame Razz too has potential for Orko-level irritation value. Bow is a complete nonentity, albeit one with an appalling dress sense, and the less said about Spragg the better. Oddly, Kowl seems to be okay, so far.

Into Etheria 8
Kowl: “Thumbs up for me! Hurrah!”

As for the baddies, Hordak is potentially very annoying; maybe he’ll get his own character later, but for now he seems to be doing a low-budget Skeletor impersonation. Shadow Weaver – who was no more than a pair of yellow eyes in darkness, dressed up in a red cloak – seemed interesting but got the least screen time. Mantenna and Leech look like they’re going to be the Beast-Man and Trapjaw of the operation, basically bumbling fools who very occasionally get things right. Scorpia’s voice made her sound incredibly dull-witted. Catra was good though: pleasingly nasty, with the surprising ability to turn herself into a panther.

It’s not easy to say much about the plot, but it seems to have got us where we want to go, without being too innovative. The last minute twist, when He-Man learns that Adora is the one he’s looking for, is quite surprising – or would have been in 1985 anyway. Altogether, I’ll give it a cautious thumbs up, continue to the next episode, and pray that Glimmer gets better.

Season 2 Summary

And here we are, having reviewed every episode of the finest cartoon series in history. (That is my personal opinion, but I’m pretty sure there’d be support for having it settled as an undisputed fact.) 130 episodes is a vast number of episodes to make, and I’m pleased to say that on balance, I think the writers did a fine job. That being said, Season 2 has struggled – especially in its latter half – to match the highs of Season 1.

 

Highlights

Happy 1
He-Man: “Very proud of these ones, thanks.”

Nonetheless, there have been some real triumphs this season. As with Season 1, I have selected my top five episodes for your reading pleasure:

5. Here, There, Skeletors Everywhere – Utterly and completely barking mad. As if having hordes of miniature Skeletors running around wasn’t enough, the writers also saw fit to include three anthropomorphic teddy bears facing starvation because they could no longer become invisible. Watch this one for a troubling insight into what being mental is like.

4. The Rainbow Warrior – Hilarious dialogue from Skeletor is always a good start, but here we also have him actually succeeding in capturing everyone except Queen Marlena, into whom we get great character exploration, and who is the one who saves the day. While that doesn’t sound great, it’s a genuinely exciting episode.

3. Into the Abyss – Another one that doesn’t sound that great, this episode features Teela falling down an abyss, and He-Man rescuing her. It’s a surprisingly subtle exploration of what makes Adam, He-Man and Teela tick, and it’s fascinating for a Saturday morning cartoon.

2. To Save Skeletor – It’s essentially Evilseed from Season 1 done all over again, but who cares? He-Man and Skeletor being forced to work together to defeat a greater evil is a winning formula, and this one has moments of great humour and surprising darkness.

1. The Problem with Power – But if you’re into surprisingly dark episodes, you won’t find a better one than this. Skeletor tricks He-Man into believing he’s killed a man, and we see the resulting moral quandary that He-Man goes through. It’s an outstanding exploration of ethical dilemmas, and features brilliant writing.

Contrary to customarily accepted He-Man wisdom, I do not consider Origin of the Sorceress to be a very good episode, which is why it’s not on the list. So don’t go emailing me claiming I forgot about it. I didn’t. Sorry and all. On the other hand, I very much wanted to include The Cat and the Spider, Not so Blind and Journey to Stone City, but there wasn’t quite room.

 

Lowlights

Angry 1
He-Man: “These ones, on the other hand, were poor.”

There have been surprisingly few of these, actually. I thought I’d be able to find plenty of candidates for this list, but it seems that most of Season 2 has been content to wallow in anonymous mediocrity rather than going for broke with outright dreadfulness. Still, there were some episodes that seemed to be really trying to achieve notoriety:

5. The Bitter Rose – In fairness, this one isn’t absolutely appalling, but I needed an episode to fill the bottom space on this list, and I think this is probably an appropriate fit. It features Orko nicking a rare flower, He-Man occupying himself playing baseball with rocks for ages, and the sudden and random appearance of a half-woman, half-flower thing at the end. It’s thus boring for the most part, and mental when it’s not being boring.

4. Monster on the Mountain – There’s a vast chasm separating this one from The Bitter Rose in the rankings table. I wouldn’t mind watching The Bitter Rose again one day, after sufficient therapy, but everything else on this list needs to be consigned to hell. Monster on the Mountain is preachy, obvious, and dull. Need I say more?

3. The Greatest Show on Eternia – This episode has a reputation for being the absolute worst that He-Man has to offer, largely because of the enormous character assassination it performs on Skeletor. Skeletor has never been the most convincing baddy, but his evil plot to spoil the circus in this episode is perhaps as ridiculous as he ever got. Add to that a deeply infuriating double act from Crackers the Clown and Orko, and you’ve got an incredibly unlikeable episode.

2. Time Doesn’t Fly – Bad as The Greatest Show on Eternia was, it was at least a vaguely entertaining train wreck. Time Doesn’t Fly, on the other hand, was boring, didn’t make any sense whatsoever, and the moral lesson was deranged, featuring He-Man warning us not to stop time, as if we could if we wanted to.

1. The Rarest Gift of All – But the absolute lowest point of Season 2 came quite early on, with The Rarest Gift of All. Orko spoils everyone’s day, then runs away weeping about how everyone hates him, and everyone has to reassure him. It’s sickening and utterly pointless, and I regard it as perhaps the worst thing ever to have been on television.

 

Favourite character

Yes, obviously, it’s still Skeletor. It doesn’t matter that he became more for comic relief this year, he’s still the best baddy in the history of television.

Skeletor 1
Skeletor: “Yes! I won again.”

 

Where next?

With He-Man over, the first and largest part of my mammoth undertaking is complete. Luckily, I have it on good authority that He-Man and Skeletor make regular guest appearances on She-Ra, which will probably be a good way of easing me out of my serious He-Man addiction. So, next week, we’ll be beginning the first season of She-Ra: Princess of Power!

Episode 130 – The Cold Zone

In which Kobra Khan forgets to pay the leccy bill.

Adam, Cringer, Man-at-Arms and Orko are out on one of their inexplicable jaunts, doing nothing at all, when they are perturbed by the arrival of Kobra Khan, driving a ridiculous vehicle identified by Orko as a Land Shark. The plot thickens when Kobra Khan asks the assembled multitude where He-Man is, requesting his help. Apparently the Eternal Fire has gone out, which means that Kobra Khan’s people – the Reptons – will go into hibernation forever. I would define hibernation that lasts forever as being dead, but Kobra Khan clearly prefers to dance around that issue.

Cold 1
Cringer: “That vehicle is so stupid, even I’m not intimidated.”

Adam points out that – Kobra Khan himself aside – the Reptons are a peaceful people, and offers to help. After waiting for Kobra Khan to get out of sight, he turns into He-Man, and he and his team set off for the Reptons’ home. The road there involves several boring traps and monsters, and He-Man and Kobra Khan work together to defeat them. Kobra Khan notably saves Man-at-Arms from a falling tree, thus earning his trust – but it is made clear that Kobra Khan is planning a betrayal.

The home of the Reptons turns out to be the same generic cave system that we see every other episode on He-Man, and our merry band troll through it, commenting that it genuinely is quite cold, and exchanging worried remarks about whether relighting the Eternal Fire is possible. Naturally enough, Kobra Khan goes missing, so – without smelling a rat – He-Man and co. continue to explore. They eventually discover the chamber where the Eternal Fire ought to be, and conclude that it definitely isn’t burning any more.

Cold 2
He-Man: “This is the moment to panic more than we’ve ever panicked before.”

As they examine the chamber, they are cornered by lots of Reptons, who accuse them of being responsible for extinguishing the Fire. Taken to King Pythos, He-Man pleads his innocence, and rests his case on Kobra Khan’s ability to vouch for them. When questioned, however, Kobra Khan claims that he saw Team He-Man putting the Fire out. Bet you didn’t see that coming.

He-Man gets violent at this stage, which results in Kobra Khan using his sleeping gas to knock the entire lot of them out. Kobra Khan then makes an offer to the Reptons: if he is able to restore the Eternal Fire, he will replace Pythos as King. Pythos agrees, and Kobra Khan pops off to call Scottish & Southern Energy and get them to turn the gas back on. Unfortunately, Scottish & Southern tell him that due to unpaid arrears, they can’t restore power. Kobra Khan doesn’t have enough hard cash to make a payment, and he doesn’t have any credit cards either, so we really do have a problem now.

Cold 3
Kobra Khan: “Seems I didn’t think this through.”

Luckily, a nice Repton called Scales quickly discovers Kobra Khan’s treachery, and goes to He-Man’s prison cell forthwith. He details the entire plot for the benefit of the slower viewers, explaining that Kobra Khan engineered the whole situation in order to become King, but now is unable to relight the Fire. He-Man is only too willing to try to get the Fire going again, and asks Man-at-Arms how to do it. Man-at-Arms compiles a lengthy list of necessary mining equipment which they don’t have, so He-Man ignores his contribution and turns the Fire back on by turning himself into a drill and burrowing down to the centre of the planet.

As soon as the Fire is working again, Kobra Khan leaps out of a hiding place and happily crows that he will take the credit. Unfortunately, he’s idiot enough to not check whether King Pythos is standing behind him when he makes this statement – and what do you know, he is. Kobra Khan is led away by the Repton guards, then brought back about 20 seconds later for Scales to throw doughballs at him. This cartoon could be completely mental sometimes.

Cold 4
Kobra Khan: “In some ways, I suppose you could argue I had this coming.”

 

In today’s adventure…

Man-at-Arms informs us that we shouldn’t make decisions by jumping to the first or the easiest conclusion, which is what King Pythos did by believing Kobra Khan. This touches on racism – Man-at-Arms explains that Pythos trusted Kobra Khan simply because he was one of the Reptons – and is a pretty good moral.

The only downside to this moral is that Man-at-Arms closes by saying, “See you next time.” Unfortunately, this being the last episode ever, we all know that this is untrue, and so his comment has an unexpected poignancy. I wish they’d carried on making He-Man for ever and ever.

 

Character checklist

The grand finale of He-Man gives us the fairly classic hero line-up of Prince Adam, He-Man, Cringer, Battle-Cat, Man-at-Arms and Orko. The villain is, of course, Kobra Khan, and we also meet Scales, King Pythos, and plenty of other Reptons.

Cold 5
King Pythos: “Imperial robes or dressing gown? You decide.”

 

Excuse given for Prince Adam’s disappearance

Not wishing to go out on a high, Prince Adam doesn’t bother to give an excuse.

 

Insults

It’s not the most bountiful episode for insults, sadly. Battle-Cat implies that Kobra Khan is a “big mouth”, without coming out and actually saying it to his face. Orko calls Kobra Khan a “snake”, but that’s hardly insulting, and the Attack Trak decides to get personal by calling the Land Shark “Smiley”.

 

Does it have the Power?

For the last episode of the series, He-Man goes out with neither a bang nor a whimper. It’s not the show-stopping finale that we were all secretly hoping for, but luckily neither is it on a par with the poor efforts we’ve seen lately. I do appreciate that the writers didn’t know the show was finishing, and so it’s not particularly surprising that we don’t get an amazing last episode, but it does seem a shame that we finish without seeing Skeletor messing with Castle Grayskull one last time.

Cold 6
Prince Adam: “Let’s all look down on Cringer.”

Still, judging this episode without considering its position in the series, it’s all right. It’s quite nice to see where Kobra Khan came from, and the reference to him being the “black snake of the family” was entertaining. It’s easy to see the double-cross coming a mile off, so perhaps it’s fortunate that the writer signposted it by allowing us to hear Kobra Khan’s thoughts from quite early on – that way, we actually had a sense of anticipation building for the inevitable betrayal, instead of the episode expecting us to be surprised when Kobra Khan turns out to be a baddy. I’m happy to say, then, that I recommend the final episode of He-Man.

Episode 129 – To Save the Creatures

In which Skeletor tries to ruin King Randor’s birthday party.

It’s King Randor’s birthday, and to celebrate, Randor is preparing to give an award to the owners of an animal sanctuary. The son of the owners, a boy called Ricky, claims not to care, but nonetheless agrees to give Adam, Teela and Orko a tour of the sanctuary. Once there, the owner reveals that Ricky is very good with animals, and asks him to take Adam, Teela and Orko to Blue Valley to check up on some long-toothed furlongs, or some such ludicrous animal.

Creatures 1
Teela: “Do we really have to have another episode involving an infuriating child?”

Meanwhile, Skeletor has employed a sleazy scientist called Maddock to create an “anger ray”, which will be used on the animals, with the express purpose of ruining King Randor’s party. Do you remember when Skeletor had grander ambitions, like conquering the universe? Anyway, Maddock has also invented an “animal digitiser”, which is basically a teleporter, and he uses it to kidnap the furlongs right in front of Adam, Teela, Orko and Ricky.

Realising that the kidnap has been spotted by our heroes, Skeletor frets about what to do now. The obvious solution – using his great big teleporter to kidnap Adam and co. as well – does not spring to mind, and so instead Maddock uses his anger ray to infuriate some other silly animals, these ones called chimperillas. He-Man appears and quickly puts an end to this nonsense, which irritates Skeletor so much that he asks Maddock to send some more stupid animals to delay He-Man.

Creatures 2
He-Man: “Hey look, an irritating little monkey … and a chimperilla.”

Things get a little more exciting when Skeletor teleports the angry furlongs into the middle of King Randor’s party, prompting scenes of crowd panic. Normally on He-Man, crowd panic scenes simply involve a few humans running around, but Randor seems to have invited a diverse range of people to his party, and we are treated to the sight of an alien with an enormous head, a bear in dungarees, a Viking, and a weird yellow man. Randor has some odd friends.

Creatures 3
Randor: “I’m willing to bet my life that you guys are recycled animation from previous episodes, though I’m damned if I can remember which ones.”

Much of the rest of the episode consists of He-Man defeating various animals, using Ricky’s extensive zoological knowledge to react in the most appropriate manner. There are also endless scenes of Ricky saying “thank you” to He-Man, and He-Man saying, “no, thank you” to Ricky. Finally, our heroes get down to the serious business of stopping Skeletor, which is achieved with the surprising help of Beast-Man, who is annoyed that Maddock’s inventions have rendered him obsolete.

We close with Ricky oddly commenting that all the stupid animals we’ve seen today are part of his family, to which He-Man even more oddly responds, “You know something, Ricky? We’re all part of one big family.” He’s clearly been at the Advocaat again, because he’s talking absolute rubbish.

Creatures 4
Teela: “He-Man, sometimes you need to think before you speak.”

 

In today’s adventure…

He-Man comes on to say that we should all feel really sorry for Beast-Man, whose plight in this episode is quite plainly a subtle commentary on the mechanisation of labour. He-Man goes on to explain that when machines are invented that can do the work of a human, it often leads to people losing their jobs and being unable to live. He concludes, however, that this is the price of progress.

Not really. Instead, we get some confused gibberish about how animals aren’t usually angry, doing things requires hard work, and that growing up isn’t easy, all of which is less than enlightening.

 

Character checklist

This week, our heroes are Prince Adam, He-Man, Teela, Orko, King Randor, Ricky, the animal sanctuary owners, and Randor’s weird collection of guests. Our villains are Skeletor, Beast-Man, Maddock and Evil-Lyn.

Creatures 6
Beast-Man: “Bet He-Man won’t see me here … oh.”

 

 

Excuse given for Prince Adam’s disappearance

“I’ll try and work my way around the rocks and see if there’s a safe way out,” says Adam, when they come under attack by chimperillas. This is a long and boring sentence, so he can be pretty confident that Teela will have stopped paying attention by the end of it.

 

Insults

Skeletor’s ire is reserved entirely for Maddock this week, who must suffer the stinging abuse of “ninny”, “fool”, and the enigmatic “broken-down genius”.

Creatures 5
Maddock: “And here’s my state-of-the-art computer. Not enormously portable, I’ll admit.”

 

Does it have the Power?

It’s a pretty reasonable offering. Skeletor hasn’t often used animals for his evil plans, despite Beast-Man’s powers, so the plotline doesn’t feel too recycled. It might have been nice if Skeletor had tried to use the animals to break into Castle Grayskull, rather than the more pointlessly spiteful aim of disrupting the birthday party, but I shouldn’t complain too much. It seems like it might have benefitted from slightly tighter script editing – the grand finale with He-Man facing Skeletor comes before a damp squib of an ending involving Ricky whistling at some elephants, and I feel that these scenes should have been the other way around – but again, I’m just picking holes here. My final verdict is that it’s a decent but not classic episode.