Episode 115 – Time Doesn’t Fly

In which I just don’t know what was going through the writer’s head.

Adam, Teela, Orko and Cringer are out in the forest, playing some sort of stupid game which looks like a form of cricket, except it uses a triangle musical instrument instead of a bat. Teela suddenly realises that though they’ve been playing for what seems like hours, her watch still shows the same time as when they started. Moreover, the sun and the clouds have remained in the same place in the sky. Given these clues and the episode’s title, I am awarding no prizes to those who can guess the plot.

Time 1
Teela: “Orko, I’d rather look at my watch for 10 hours than look at you for 10 seconds.”

Finding a little girl stuck in a pit, Teela idiotically falls in herself while trying to effect a rescue. Sighing heavily at Teela’s ineptitude, Adam turns into He-Man and saves both Teela and the girl, who introduces herself as Princess Cafe, daughter of Emperor Sinbad. There is a chance I have misheard both of these names. He-Man exits stage left, leaving Teela and Adam to escort the Princess back to the Palace.

At the Palace, Cafe tells Randor and Marlena that she is on a mission: she must go to Hourglass Mountain and rescue the Keeper of Time and her father Sinbad from the evil wizard Hexon. Apparently, Hexon has stopped time in a demented attempt to seize control of Sinbad’s kingdom, which he can do if he presents himself to the Council of Seasons before Sinbad does. I don’t know why he has to stop time in order to do this.

Time 2
Hexon: “Eternian fashion is never particularly sane, but I really do take the biscuit outfit-wise.”

Adam asks why, if time has stopped, everyone is still able to move, and Cafe replies, “Sssh, you idiot, this episode’s already stupid enough without me having to add nonsensical explanations of that sort of thing.” Randor sends Teela and Orko off with Princess Cafe to rescue Sinbad and the Keeper of Time, and despatches Adam to the Temple of Seasons to warn the Council about Hexon’s plan.

Adam turns into He-Man and receives some useless advice from the Council, then barrels off to find the others. When he arrives at Hourglass Mountain, He-Man is completely unsurprised to find that Teela, Orko and Cafe have managed to get themselves tied up in some vines without achieving anything. Wondering why he’s the only person on Eternia who can get anything right, He-Man releases his friends, and then rescues Sinbad and the Keeper of Time.

Time 3
Emperor Sinbad: “There’s something about He-Man’s pose here that just screams ‘loony’.”

Unfortunately, Hexon has emptied an hourglass containing the Sands of Time, and mixed them with the sand in the Ranhur Desert. On learning this from the Keeper of Time, He-Man decides to go to the desert and get the sand back. He can tell the difference between the Sands of Time and normal sand because the Sands of Time give off a purple glow. He also tells Teela to take Sinbad to the Council of Seasons, so he can reclaim his throne.

After a brief boring scene at the Council, we cut to the desert, where He-Man is hilariously picking up glowing purple sand grain by grain and putting it back in the hourglass. Understandably, he gets bored of this pretty smartish, so he welcomes the distraction when Hexon appears for a quick and stupid fight. During this fight, Hexon makes the pretty elementary mistake of gathering all the grains of the Sands of Time together into a sandstorm, which Orko lures back into the hourglass.

Time 4
Battle-Cat: “Most powerful man in the universe there, just playing in a sandpit.”

With Hexon under arrest and the Sands back in the hourglass, He-Man smugly returns to Hourglass Mountain, where the Keeper of Time restarts time. He-Man sets Hexon to work setting all of Eternia’s clocks back to their correct time, which is less of a punishment than he seems to think: since time had stopped and so had all the clocks, surely they should still be correct?

 

In today’s adventure…

We fade in on He-Man, who is awkwardly leaning against a wall in the Palace. He has an expression on his face which suggests he’s reciting the moral at gunpoint. This is understandable, since the moral is completely insane: he advises us that if time didn’t move, we wouldn’t be able to develop to our full potential. Essentially, he’s warning us not to invent machines capable of stopping time. This is one of those morals that I think should have gone without saying.

 

Character checklist

Here for our entertainment – or a vague approximation of entertainment – we have Prince Adam, Cringer, He-Man, Battle-Cat, Teela, Orko, King Randor, Queen Marlena, Princess Cafe, Emperor Sinbad, the Keeper of Time, Hexon, and the Council of Seasons.

Time 6
Battle-Cat: “My client would like to enter a plea of ‘guilty’, your Honour.”

 

Excuse given for Prince Adam’s disappearance

There are two transformations this week, and on both occasions Adam doesn’t give excuses as such, but stands around making loaded comments instead. The first time, he says, “This is a job for He-Man,” and the second time, he mutters, “We have a job to do.”

 

Insults

Very late in the game, Hexon calls Orko a “magical nuisance”. Otherwise, there’s nothing to report, except for He-Man commenting, “Looks like your garden’s a little overgrown, Teela”, which could be construed as a rather insulting double-entendre if you’re that way inclined.

Time 7
Teela: “You’ve crossed a line this time, He-Man.”

 

Does it have the Power?

It’s drivel. I don’t think I need to elaborate on that particularly, but in case you want further detail, the entire plot doesn’t make sense. Time has stopped, but everyone keeps moving. There was a very cursory attempt at an explanation of this, but it consisted simply of Cafe saying, “Hexon has divided the last second in every hour, then divided it again, and again, and so on,” which I think you’ll all agree doesn’t count as an explanation at all.

Time 5
Cafe: “Stop harrassing me, you weirdo.”

Moreover, I really don’t see why Hexon had to stop time at all. He wanted to be Emperor, and to do this he had to present himself at the Council of Seasons on the first day of spring, and ensure that Sinbad did not do the same. Since he already had Sinbad locked up, he could have done all of this without messing about stopping time in the first place.

In short, this episode was dull and nonsensical, and I hereby issue a hearty recommendation against watching it.

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