Episode 09 – The Missing Axe

In which I have amended the spelling of the word ‘ax’ in the episode’s title.

Adora is prancing about in the forest, when she comes across a Horde Trooper trying to capture a dog-like creature called a squipper, in order to put it in Hordak’s zoo. Adora transforms into She-Ra, humiliates the Horde Trooper, blows up a robot, receives a great big possibly rabies-infected lick from the squipper, and then stands around congratulating herself. Finally, she turns back into Adora and trots off to meet Bow.

Axe 1
She-Ra: “This animal has the most soulless eyes I’ve ever seen.”

Bow is hanging out with a woodcutter and his two sons, as you do. One of the two sons appears to be permanently stoned, and the other looks disconcertingly like Chris Martin, at least to my poor demented eyes. The woodcutter offers Bow and Kowl a meal, and as they settle down to eat, the sons borrow the woodcutter’s axe and go off to chop some kindling. The woodcutter specifically warns the sons not to lose the axe, so what do you think they do? That’s right.

Axe 2
Woodcutter: “Meet my sons, Yellow and Stoner.”

In complete fairness, it’s not totally their fault. Yes, they leave the axe alone while they go off to swim, but it would be okay if those stupid green dwarves, the Twiggets, were sensible enough to keep their noses out of other peoples’ business. The Twiggets amble up, see the axe, conclude it’s valuable and therefore might get nicked, and decide to take it to Madame Razz to find out who it belongs to. I ask you, would you do this? Or would you use your mind and realise that nicking something is not the best way to prevent it being nicked?

When Chris Martin and his stoner brother discover that the axe is gone, they decide to tell their father that it was stolen. They give a made-up description of the thief: tall, with a long purple cloak, and claim he headed off towards Greenthatch, a town still under Horde control. On hearing this, Bow immediately determines to do something about the robber, and rides off to Greenthatch, where he is pretty speedily captured by Mantenna, and packed into a slave transport ship.

We now cut back to Adora, who is pissing about in the forest picking up sticks and giving them to some deformed beavers. There’s no reason whatsoever offered for this behaviour. Once she’s finished being mental, she decides that she should start looking for Bow, who’s late for their appointment. She therefore turns into She-Ra, mounts Swift Wind, and soon arrives at the woodcutter’s house.

Axe 3
Spirit: “Er, Adora, are you sure this isn’t mental?”

Being considerably more intelligent than Bow, She-Ra quickly learns the truth from Chris Martin and his drug-crazed brother. The woodcutter is clearly itching to beat the boys senseless, but Kowl arrives in the nick of time, bearing the news of Bow’s capture. She-Ra sets off to intercept the slave transport, from which she frees Bow with considerable ease. As an afterthought, she also releases loads of other prisoners, who charge off the transport ship with expressions of gleeful insanity.

Back at the woodcutter’s cottage, Bow hunkers down in the saddle of his horse as if he’s expecting to be smacked, and then performs some magic and smiles sleazily in She-Ra’s direction. She-Ra doesn’t make any kind of response. Chris Martin and Drugs Boy get grounded by the woodcutter, and finally, the Twiggets show up, carrying the axe, and ask who it belongs to. This is our cue for everyone to laugh their heads off, rather than using the axe to murder the Twiggets.

Axe 4
Kowl: “Bow, if you make that face outside schools, you’ll be arrested.”

 

In today’s adventure…

I was looking really hard for Loo-Kee, but with zero success. This is really difficult. He was behind a basket in Greenthatch, in case you care. I daresay you can predict what today’s moral was, but if not, then it was another self-righteous lecture on the importance of telling the truth, even if you’ve done something wrong. I think another lesson can be drawn from this week: if you are a green dwarf thing, She-Ra will be absolutely fine with you nicking an axe and causing a massive problem.

 

Character checklist

This silly little outing features Adora, Spirit, She-Ra, Swift Wind, Bow, his horse Arrow, Kowl, Madame Razz, the Twiggets, the woodcutter, Chris Martin, the stoner brother, Mantenna, some Horde Troopers, and the various rabid animals (other than Bow) that Adora spends her time with.

Axe 5
Twigget: “It wouldn’t be stupid and annoying for me to nick this axe, would it?”

 

Excuse given for Adora’s disappearance

I think Adora has it easier than Adam. She doesn’t have people hanging round her all the time wanting to know where she is, and she doesn’t have royal appointments and training that she needs to attend. On top of that, she seems to be a loner and a borderline headcase anyway, always hanging around on her own in the forest and messing about with animals, so no one actually notices when she’s not where she’s supposed to be. All this is by way of saying that despite two transformations this week, there’s no excuses needed or offered.

 

 Insults

There are no insults in this episode either, which is disappointing.

 

Oh No, Bow!

Bow loses his fight with Mantenna in the town of Greenthatch, although I suppose I should mention that he does put in a relatively decent effort, evading Mantenna for a good 90 seconds before being shot while he’s pointlessly trying to climb a wall.

Axe 6
Bow: “Well, how did it come to this?”

 

Does it have the Power?

I think it’s safe to say that this is a story we all recognise, from its billions of appearances on He-Man, and it’s not really a story I wanted or needed to see again. Still, I suppose it’s a reasonable effort. I’d have liked to see the Twiggets get told off for stealing the axe, since the whole thing is their fault, but they seem to have free rein to do as they please. Incidentally, I’m sure that in previous episodes they were Spriggets, not Twiggets.

The story was clearly not quite long enough to fill the full 20 minutes either, given the completely irrelevant rubbish at the start with the squipper animal, which took up three minutes for no purpose whatsoever. I would also like to know what the deal with the beavers was. Despite these minor misgivings though, I’d say this is a passable effort.