Episode 87 – The Inspector

In which Adora and Adam put on the worst disguises ever.

This week is a rare treat: we open on Eternia, where He-Man and Man-at-Arms are hanging out, testing a new shield that Man-at-Arms has invented. It’s good to see Man-at-Arms again, even if it does remind me that he’s almost as big a tit as Bow is. Anyway, soon enough, He-Man is summoned by the Sorceress to Castle Grayskull, and off he goes, leaving Man-at-Arms behind. This is surely the last time we see Man-at-Arms, and it feels like I’ve left a small piece of my soul behind.

He-Man: “Well, this is like the good old days.”

At Castle Grayskull, the Sorceress gets on Skype with Adora and Madame Razz on Etheria. Adora relates a hard-luck story about how the rebels were fooled by one of the most obvious traps I’ve ever seen, and have all been captured by Hordak. Adora and Madame Razz are the only ones who managed to escape, and Adora has lost her sword. Consequently, they’d really like He-Man’s help to get them out of this self-inflicted mess. Personally, I have no sympathy at all, but He-Man is a much nicer person than I am.

In the meantime, Hordak is celebrating his victory and congratulating Spicester, who is the gentleman who lured the rebels into the trap in the first place. His celebration is short-lived, however; Horde Prime gets in touch and announces that he is sending Inspector Darkney to make a thorough assessment of Hordak’s operation, and to discover why Hordak has completely failed to defeat She-Ra.

Hordak: “Come on Spicester. We’ll just have one drink.”

The moment He-Man arrives on Etheria, he is ambushed by Mantenna, and the one-sided battle is observed by Darkney. He-Man subsequently captures Darkney, and in a fit of insanity, decides to impersonate him and go to the Fright Zone. In total fairness, the impersonation does involve turning back into Prince Adam and putting on a fake beard, so I imagine Hordak will be completely fooled.

Actually, I don’t know why I’m being so sarcastic. Of course Hordak is fooled, even though Adam has brought Public Enemy Number One, Adora, along with him, and her only concession to a disguise is a big red cloak. Adam and Adora then put Hordak through a variety of humiliating exercises, seemingly purely for their own entertainment, before locking him in a cell and getting down to the serious business of locating Adora’s sword so she can become She-Ra.

Prince Adam: “Whose disguise is worse, do you think?”

Adam then dresses She-Ra and all the rebel prisoners up in Horde Trooper costumes, and marches them out of the Fright Zone. It’s Catra – putting in her first appearance for absolutely ages – who smells a rat, and rescues Hordak from his cell. Hordak gets in a big tank and gives chase to the prisoners, but comes up against He-Man and She-Ra, and the encounter goes about as well for him as you might expect.

Back in Whispering Wood, Adam accepts the thanks of Bow and Netossa for rescuing them, and then does a little flirting with Adora which makes for rather uncomfortable viewing. Cersei and Jaime have nothing on these two.

Netossa: “Not in front of the children, you deviants.”

In today’s adventure…

Not unexpectedly, Loo-Kee is in a tree in Whispering Wood today. He witters on about the love that families have for each other, which is definitely a topic he’s never touched on before. The writers had blatantly run out of life lessons to dispense by this point.

Character checklist

This trip to Etheria features Adora, Spirit, She-Ra, Prince Adam, He-Man, Madame Razz, Bow, Netossa, Man-at-Arms, the Sorceress, Loo-Kee, some random rebels, Hordak, Catra, Spicester, Mantenna, Grizzlor, Inspector Darkney, and some Horde Troopers.

Insults

The word of the week is evidently “bumbling”, since it appears on no less than four separate occasions. Mantenna and Hordak both refer to some Horde Troopers as “bumbling robots”, Hordak calls Spicester a “bumbling fool”, and Darkney calls Hordak a “bumbling bozo”. Darkney also considers Hordak to be a “miserable excuse for a Horde commander” and furthermore believes He-Man and Adora to be “blasted rebels”.

Inspector Darkney: “I feel this could have gone better.”

In return, the rebels only manage a couple of barbs in the Horde’s direction: Madame Razz says that Darkney is an “unpleasant man”, and He-Man calls Mantenna “bug-eyes”. The Horde do, however, manage to insult each other on a few further occasions: Catra says that Spicester is a “measly sneak”, and Hordak rather surprisingly calls Catra and Spicester “baboons”. This could have been “buffoons”, but I prefer “baboons”.

Does it have the Power?

I enjoyed this episode, though I certainly wouldn’t rave about it. It was, as noted above, good to see Man-at-Arms again, and the opening scene felt like the beginning of a He-Man episode rather than a She-Ra one, which was pleasingly nostalgic. The plot once again revolves around people being captured and needing to be rescued, but with the added spice of the inspector impersonation, this storyline doesn’t feel as tired as it often does.

He-Man: “Sorceress, couldn’t we see what’s on BBC2 instead?”

Speaking of spice, I’m at a loss to understand the need for Spicester, and I certainly don’t know why he’s called that. He doesn’t look particularly spicy, and he doesn’t go round throwing spices at people, which in the He-Man universe are the only two reasons why he might have a name like that. Neither, unfortunately, is he especially interesting. The only good thing about him is that Catra clearly doesn’t like him, which was vaguely amusing.

Anyway, this one’s not bad at all, especially if you ignore Spicester. You could definitely do worse.

Episode 81 – Just the Way You Are

In which Prince Adam gives himself a new and rubbish nickname.

Prince Adam is putting in one of his semi-regular visits to Etheria, this time so he can enjoy the opening of the circus. Not so he can do any rebelling, or anything useful like that. Anyway, the opening scene finds Glimmer making gooey eyes at Adam, having evidently forgotten the love of her life, Romeo, from two episodes ago. Fortunately, a dude called King Darkspur of the Hinterlands arrives at Bright Moon, prompting Glimmer to stomp her stupid feet and storm out.

Prince Adam: “I don’t know who you are, but thanks for getting Glimmer off my back.”

Queen Angela explains to Adora and Adam that Darkspur wants to marry Glimmer, but she’s not interested. Given Darkspur looks like an ogre, wears a strange sailor-like outfit, is about the size of a bus, and has no manners whatsoever, I can’t really blame Glimmer for this. Darkspur’s visit is very brief; he asks Angela for Glimmer’s hand in marriage, is given an emphatic “no” in response, and stumps off after making some vague threats. Despite this having the makings of a kidnapping plot written all over it, no one sees the inevitable coming.

Adora, Adam and Glimmer pop down to watch the circus setting up, where they meet Adora’s friend Drew. Drew is a child who can juggle, but he’s feeling miserable because his father can’t give him all his attention all the time, instead preferring to divide his time equally between his two sons. Drew’s father is very unreasonable. Adora tries to comfort Drew, but he’s far too needy to have any of it, and runs off into the forest to try to prove … well, to try to prove something. I’m not sure what he’s trying to prove, other than that he’s a first-class chump.

Of course, he gets into trouble immediately by trying to cross a rickety old bridge, which collapses under him. Adam and Adora are on the scene within seconds, and Adora comes up with the worst plan ever: “I’ll leap over the ravine and slide down to where Drew is, then you think of a way to get us both up.” This essentially lumbers Adam with having to rescue both of them, which he does with ease; then he gives Adora a stare which conveys both incredulity and passionate loathing.

Prince Adam: “Well, Adora, I can’t say I’m impressed.”

Drew throws a demented tantrum at this stage and storms off into the woods again, where he comes across King Darkspur’s men kidnapping Glimmer. To his credit, he does attempt to stop them, but only ends up getting kidnapped as well for his troubles. Once Adora and Adam hear the news, they determine to rescue Glimmer, but make out that it’ll be far too dangerous to go to Darkspur’s castle without some form of disguise.

Continuing her trend of insane plans, Adora decides that she and Adam had better join the circus and take the circus into the Hinterlands, so they can get a little bit closer to Darkspur’s castle unnoticed. Once there, Adam takes leave of his senses, adopts the name Adam of the Elephants, and uses an elephant to rescue Glimmer, while Adora becomes She-Ra and rescues Drew in a more normal way.

Prince Adam: “Visiting Etheria allows me to shake free of the shackles of sanity.”

When the whole sorry business with King Darkspur is over, there’s a touching final scene in which Drew realises how much his father really does love him. Adora stands there delivering patronising speeches, leaving Adam to fool around with the elephants again. I’m genuinely unsure whether the writers wanted us to think that Adam had gone mad.

In today’s adventure…

Ah, Loo-Kee. A pleasure to see you in that tree. Why can’t you hide underwater, or in an electricity sub-station, or at a nuclear waste disposal site, or somewhere similar? Then you might never bother me again, with your incessant rambling on about how much our parents love us. We understand, thank you, Loo-Kee. We don’t need you to tell us this every single week. Go away.

Character checklist

This little excursion to Etheria is an outing for Adora, Adam, She-Ra, He-Man, Glimmer, Loo-Kee, Drew, Drew’s dad, King Darkspur, King Darkspur’s knights, and loads of people at the circus.

She-Ra: “Go on, Drew. Jump down that hole. I dare you.”

Excuse given for Prince Adam’s disappearance

After rescuing Glimmer, Adam decides he’d like to turn into He-Man and cause a bit of unnecessary havoc. He tells Glimmer to “wait over by the wagons. I’ll meet you there later.” If I were Glimmer, I’d be saying, “No, Adam. Let’s go home now. There’s absolutely no reason to stay here, except for the fact that He-Man is contractually obliged to appear.”

Speaking of Glimmer, it’s possibly worth noting that she has another of her semi-regular moments where she forgets to put her trousers on. Or maybe she’s only pretending to forget, and is instead attempting to seduce Prince Adam. And while we’re on the subject of Adam, is it just me or are his arms far too long in the below picture?

Adora: “There’s nothing wrong with not wearing trousers, Glimmer. I never do.”

Insults

It’s not a good week for King Darkspur’s guards, who are addressed as “fools” by King Darkspur  and as “bozos” by She-Ra. Darkspur also finds time to direct a more vicious “fool” at a specific one of his guards, a chap who seems to be called Dark.

Does it have the Power?

The above summary makes this episode sound truly dreadful, which it isn’t. It’s actually only quite bad. It feels like Glimmer is literally only in this series so she can get captured every week, and Darkspur is hardly the most interesting baddy in the world. Drew’s story is similarly familiar, although I did appreciate that he never actually ran away; he just threw a few tantrums and hung out in the forest being upset. The circus business was just slightly weird, and Adam’s attempt at rebranding himself as Adam of the Elephants was mildly odd. I think we could safely say this one’s a miss.

Episode 75 – Day of the Flowers

In which Orko yet again earns a special place in hell.

Prince Adam, Snout Spout and Orko have come on a special trip for a festival called the Day of the Flowers, in which the beauty of Etheria will be celebrated. Previous episodes of She-Ra had led me to believe that Snout Spout already lived on Etheria, but let’s gloss over petty whinges like that, since as this episode goes on, we’ll have plenty more to complain about.

Flowers 1
Prince Adam: “Sane people would bring their parents with them to visit their sister. But not me! I bring this guy.”

Let’s start with complaining about Orko. After his last atrocity of an appearance, in The Greatest Magic, I was ready to sign up for an Orko-free future, but no – here he is again, playing stupid magic tricks and setting the episode’s plot in motion by making Adam and Adora’s swords disappear. You cock, Orko. Can’t you just leave well enough alone?

I feel like I’ve been getting ever more furious over the last few episodes of She-Ra, but you’ve got to admit I’m being sorely provoked.

An old man arrives at the festival, begging for help because a group of gigantic evil robots known as the Monstroids have kidnapped all the men and boys from his village to work in Hordak’s nucleon mines. Adam and Adora try to transform, but of course their swords have gone, resulting in a mildly satisfying scene where they get livid with Orko, and then decide to try to defeat the Monstroids as themselves.

Flowers 2
Adora: “Right. You didn’t bring Mother. You didn’t bring Father. You brought Snout Spout. And you brought this div. Don’t bother to visit again, Adam.”

The Monstroids approach the site of the flower festival, so Adam, Adora, Snout Spout and Frosta stand on a mountain looking down at them, in a misguided attempt to look intimidating. No doubt realising that no one would ever be intimidated by a man with Adam’s dress sense, however, they quickly move on to making more elaborate plans, which involve Frosta and Snout Spout making ice bombs, and Adora throwing them at the Monstroids. This is very boring, but it’s at least mildly better than Adam’s role in the plan, which is to stand around shouting at Orko.

This episode is such a tedious mess that I rather lost interest around about this point, but suffice it to say that there’s a whole lot more of Adam and Adora alternately yelling at and encouraging Orko, while the Monstroids continue to stamp around the flower fields with zero sense of urgency. In the meantime, Madame Razz hangs around, having evidently been written as a fusty old-fashioned eight-year-old who’s been given too much lemonade: “Oh dearie my! This is so exciting!” I can assure you, Madame Razz, that it’s not exciting in the slightest.

Flowers 3
Monstroid: “If you find us boring, just pretend we’re mechs from Scythe. That might make us interesting for up to 3 seconds.”

As you have no doubt predicted, Orko eventually manages to get the swords back, and Adam and Adora are free to turn into She-Ra and He-Man. The writers appear to have finally realised that cutting the transformation sequences together just plain doesn’t work, so at least they are good enough to take turns. Once these two are on the scene, of course, the Monstroids are turned into scrap metal, and I hope I never see them – or Orko – again.

In today’s adventure…

Loo-Kee was hiding in a tree, again, but I didn’t see him. I’m willing to let it pass this time. He suggests that we should believe in ourselves, and then we can do anything. If only I’d believed in myself, I could have turned this tripefest of an episode off.

Character checklist

Adora, Prince Adam, She-Ra, He-Man, Snout Spout, Orko, Madame Razz, Broom, Bow, Glimmer, loads of rebels, Loo-Kee, Hordak, the Monstroids, some Horde Troopers, and some poor unfortunate soul who’s been christened with the name of Ore Captain Sludge-Man, and as such had some pretty insurmountable obstacles right from the beginning of his life.

Flowers 4
Frosta: “He-Man looks like he’s going to propose to his sister.”

Insults

Hordak refers to the Monstroids as “drumheads”, and that’s all you’re getting on the insults front. However, if you fancy a spot of innuendo, we do bear witness to Adora saying, “Making things big is something you’re very good at, Orko.” Do with that as you wish.

Oh No, Bow!

If I really wanted to stretch a point, I’d argue that Bow drives like a complete maniac in the opening scene of this episode. Thereafter, he has sufficient wisdom to absent himself from the remainder of this thrilling instalment.

Does it have the Power?

Towards the beginning of this episode, Hordak snaps, “You’re not getting enough nucleon out of those mines, Ore Captain Sludge-Man!” It’s dialogue like this that makes me wonder if the voice actors ever had sudden flashes of despair, a la Alan Rickman in Galaxy Quest. “I was Richard III …”

Flowers 5
Ore Captain Sludge-Man: “Lost wealth may be replaced by industry, lost knowledge by study, lost health by temperance or medicine, but lost time is gone forever.”

Unfortunately, that little insight into the minds of the voice actors was the only entertaining thing about this episode, which is the third appalling effort in a row. It is at least different from the other two rubbish episodes, though. Unlike The Time Transformer, which was insane, and Above It All, which was disjointed, Day of the Flowers is just achingly boring. There are endless shots of the Monstroids trampling through the flower field, and of Orko again and again trying to get the swords back. Adora and even Adam are really patronising too, in their efforts to encourage Orko. This is another dreadful episode. She-Ra needs to pull her socks up.

Episode 27 – The Eldritch Mist

In which we get a vague hint that Adora and Adam enjoy an overly close sibling relationship.

Adora puts in a visit to Mysticor, where she finds Castaspella using a magical device called the Pool of Vision to ogle Prince Adam. This is essentially the Etherian equivalent of hidden-cam spyware, and Castaspella certainly seems to be getting off on it. Eventually, Castaspella’s aching loins become too much for her to take, so she magically transports Adam to Etheria, where he immediately turns on the charm in a sleazy effort to get into Castaspella’s pants.

Eldritch 1
Castaspella: “Wowsers, look at that handsome hunk of man meat.”

Luckily, before things can get too vile for words, Kowl shows up to report that there’s a Horde ship just arrived at Whispering Wood. Castaspella teleports the four of them to the appropriate location, where they observe Shadow Weaver casting a spell from the Eldritch Book of Dark Magic. The spell creates an orange mist that covers the entire forest, preventing anyone from entering or exiting. Luckily, Adora, Adam, Castaspella and Kowl are on the outside, and it’s not very long before Adora and Adam make their awkward joint transformation into their heroic alter egos.

He-Man and She-Ra waste no time in ditching Castaspella and Kowl, instead choosing to go to ask Light Hope’s advice. Light Hope doesn’t really help, simply saying that the spell can be reversed if the Eldritch Book is read by someone who can use magic. This of course means Castaspella, and since He-Man suddenly realises he wants Castaspella to have his babies anyway, he puts on a truly goofy grin and insists they hurry back.

Eldritch 3
She-Ra: “He-Man, could you please at least try not to look so stupid?”

Castaspella teleports herself, He-Man and She-Ra into the Fright Zone to steal the book, but Hordak quickly becomes aware of their presence. Shadow Weaver pops up and teleports Castaspella away, leaving He-Man and She-Ra to find their way to the throne room. They have a brief fight with Hordak, but he’s so incompetent this week that he basically defeats himself.

Meanwhile, Castaspella and Shadow Weaver have appeared in Shadow Weaver’s private chambers, where the two of them have a magical duel and a good chat about old times. As previously hinted, Shadow Weaver originates from Mysticor, and it seems that she and Castaspella used to be friends before she was corrupted by Hordak. Once Castaspella defeats Shadow Weaver, by trapping her in the arms of a terrifying oversized teddy bear, she, He-Man and She-Ra are free to steal the Eldritch Book and head off to Whispering Wood.

Eldritch 4
Shadow Weaver: “Okay guys, fun’s fun, but can we send Bungle back to the Rainbow house now please?”

Castaspella uses the Book to remove the orange mist from the forest. I could harp on about the fact that she somehow gets inside the forest before doing this, but that would be a bit petty of me, I suppose. Instead, we get a scene featuring Prince Adam and Castaspella flirting ridiculously, until Adora interrupts to say, “All right, you two! He’s MY brother!” as if she thinks that this gives her 24-hour access to Adam’s bed. The only explanation that I can think of for this weird display of jealousy is that maybe the purity of the Eternian royal bloodline is maintained by incest. Luckily, before the cartoon can explore this further, Adam returns to Eternia.

 

In today’s adventure…

Jesus Christ, Loo-Kee, how the bloody hell was I supposed to see you there? He was literally behind a tree, with his nose poking out. Honestly, it’s ridiculous. He doesn’t have much of use to say either, simply advising us to seek help from experienced people when we need it. Yes, yes, yes. I think devotees of He-Man and She-Ra would by this stage have got this message into their thick skulls.

 

Character checklist

This episode is a lovely day out for Adora, Spirit, She-Ra, Swift Wind, Prince Adam, He-Man, Castaspella, Bow, Kowl, Glimmer, Madame Razz, Broom, Light Hope, the Twiggets, Loo-Kee, Hordak, Shadow Weaver, and the ever-present Horde Troopers. And Bungle.

Eldritch 2
Prince Adam: “Shall we use this shot for our album cover?”

 

Excuse given for Adora and Adam’s disappearances

I’m convinced that they don’t bother giving excuses because they’re well aware that everyone on Etheria knows the secret. I swear, they’re so obvious about it that it can only be because they don’t care.

 

Insults

No insults this time, though there’s a touch of good-natured ribbing from She-Ra to He-Man when she realises that He-Man is drooling over Castaspella.

Eldritch 5
He-Man: “She-Ra, does the term ‘third wheel’ mean anything to you?”

 

Does it have the Power?

While it’s always a treat to see He-Man livening up Etheria, I’m not generally that interested in his love life. Maybe there’s a hugely entertaining story to be told about a love triangle involving him, Castaspella and Prince Adam, but if so, this wasn’t it. It didn’t help that the voice actor seemed to have forgotten how to do He-Man’s voice, sounding pretty weedy throughout.

The storyline about the orange mist was very by-the-numbers, but the hints of Shadow Weaver’s back story were more interesting; it doesn’t particularly build on what we learned in A Loss for Words, but it’s nice to get a sense that there is some history behind these characters that we don’t yet fully know. The former friendship between Shadow Weaver and Castaspella could potentially make for an interesting episode in the future; even if not, it’s good that the characters aren’t complete blank slates.

My final verdict, I suppose, is that it’s no classic, and probably very slightly above average. I doubt anyone would rush to endorse it, nor condemn it.

Episode 15 – He Ain’t Heavy

In which Shadow Weaver unleashes a powerful hoover.

Shadow Weaver and Grizzlor break into a retired wizard’s house, and – despite his warnings of danger – steal an artefact called the Moon Mirror. In the Fright Zone, Hordak congratulates Shadow Weaver on her unexpected competence and reveals his plan: when the moons are aligned, the Moon Mirror can create a bridge between universes, so Hordak is going to use it to kidnap Prince Adam. He will then capture Adora when she comes charging to the rescue.

Heavy 1
Shadow Weaver: “Pretty sure the background in here is where Granamyr used to live.”

Hordak achieves the first of these objectives, successfully kidnapping Adam, and even managing to steal his sword. He then sends a letter to Adora, informing her of Adam’s capture and demanding her surrender. Also included with the letter is a bomb, which might have made her surrender difficult if it had worked.

Adora, of course, heads off to the Fright Zone, after telling Bow and Glimmer that they mustn’t come with her. Once out of sight, she turns into She-Ra and flies off, managing to reach the Fright Zone’s dungeons with very little effort. Adam has been spending his time trying to reach his sword through the bars of his cage, without success, but this becomes unnecessary when She-Ra arrives and rips the door off. Adam then turns into He-Man with a faint air of irritation.

Heavy 2
Prince Adam: “I’m literally fuming.”

Bow and Glimmer remain in the Whispering Woods, studying a map to try to work out where they can get some food. They are interrupted by the retired wizard from the first scene, who introduces himself as Cattelus. He asks for help in retrieving his Moon Mirror, informing them that if used incorrectly, the Mirror could destroy Etheria. Bow leaps at the chance and hurtles off to the Fright Zone with Cattelus, hoping to recover the Mirror and help Adora at the same time.

Learning of Adam’s escape, Hordak orders Shadow Weaver to reactivate the Mirror and kidnap King Randor. Shadow Weaver warns Hordak that the moons are no longer aligned, and so the Mirror will be uncontrollable, but being a first class nitwit, Hordak tells her to do it anyway. Naturally, Shadow Weaver can’t control the Mirror, and opens a bridge to somewhere less than pleasant identified as the Doom Dimension.

Heavy 3
Shadow Weaver: “Properly love a good night down the Hacienda.”

It would seem that the Doom Dimension would be more appropriately named the Vacuum Cleaner Dimension, since its chief characteristic is to suck everything into it. Bow and Cattelus don’t do anything except cling desperately to pillars, while He-Man and She-Ra solve the situation by throwing an enormous statue of Hordak at the Mirror, which makes the Mirror explode.

The episode doesn’t see fit to explain what happens to Cattelus, or how He-Man gets back to Eternia, instead choosing to end with Adora back in Whispering Woods, making stupid jokes which only work if the rebels are familiar with the musical output of the Hollies, which logic would suggest they aren’t.

Heavy 4.jpg
Glimmer: “You’re talking as if you think you’re being funny, Adora, but these jokes make literally no sense.”

 

In today’s adventure…

Today, Loo-Kee was in a shot of Whispering Woods that I don’t even recall being in the episode. Obviously, I didn’t see him. He yammers on to us about safety, specifically mentioning knives, tools and matches as examples of things in the house that might hurt us. I assume this was supposed to be vaguely linked to the baddies not using the Moon Mirror safely, but in that case, surely Loo-Kee should have mentioned magical artefacts in his list of unsafe household objects.

 

Character checklist

Well, as you’ll have surely deduced by now, we have another guest appearance by Prince Adam and He-Man today. Teela also puts in a showing. The regulars are Adora, Spirit, She-Ra, Swift Wind, Glimmer, Bow, Loo-Kee, Hordak, Shadow Weaver, Grizzlor, and some Horde Troopers. Cattelus is the one hit wonder.

Heavy 5
Bow: “I don’t know, Glimmer. It’s a nice enough table, but I’m sure we could get a cheaper one at Ikea.”

 

Excuse given for Adora and Adam’s disappearances

Bow asks He-Man and She-Ra where Adam and Adora are; He-Man seems only capable of smirking in a stupid way, while She-Ra gives the most minimal reply possible: “Safe.”

I know I’ve been down this road before, but I really do have to wonder about this secret identity business. Okay, maybe it’s plausible for Adora and She-Ra to be different people, in the eyes of the rebels, but surely they can put two and two together that He-Man only seems to come to Etheria when Prince Adam does?

 

Insults

Hordak addresses his letter to “the traitorous outlaw rebel Adora”. Otherwise, there’s nothing to report here, unless we really want to stretch a point and allow He-Man’s description of the Hordak statue as an “ugly monument”.

Heavy 6
He-Man: “Ugly it may be, but a genuine collector’s item too.”

 

Oh No, Bow!

Bow claims he’ll cause a distraction so he and Cattelus can break into the Fright Zone. What he actually does is cause a rock fall that nearly kills him and Cattelus. Remarkably, Bow seems to consider this a success.

 

Does it have the Power?

I felt like I was watching a vastly improved version of the previous episode, Friendship. It’s exactly the same plot, even following several of the same story points: for example, the Horde sending Adora a letter, and Bow being told to wait behind and then coming anyway. Still, it somehow had a lot more pizzazz to it, possibly because the person being rescued was Prince Adam and not some random “friend” who we’d never seen before and doubtless will never see again. The final crisis with the Doom Dimension was also much more interesting than the grand finale to Friendship, whatever that was. I can’t even remember now.

Heavy 7
She-Ra: “Putting my hairdryer on full strength was possibly a mistake.”

This is probably as good a place to mention as any, but I’m still waiting for most of the Rebellion to play anything other than a supporting role. Bow, of course, is getting a fair amount of screen time, but it does seem like the writers don’t know what to do with Glimmer, Madame Razz or any of the others. Additionally, the opening credits say that someone called Light Hope knows Adora’s secret identity; why have we not even met this Light Hope individual yet?

Episode 13 – King Miro’s Journey

In which we spend some time with Adora and Adam’s grandpa.

We open with a real treat this week – a panning shot of the Palace of Eternia! It brought back memories of happier days. In Eternia’s equivalent of the National Portrait Gallery, a man shows a child the portraits of past kings, and takes the opportunity to recap the plot of the He-Man episode Search for the Past, in which He-Man and King Randor rescued Randor’s father King Miro from the clutches of the Enchantress.

King Miro himself now shows up, and asks Prince Adam to take him to meet Adora, who he has not seen since she was a baby. Adam agrees, and with the off screen assistance of the Sorceress, they arrive on Etheria, only to quickly antagonise a group of Horde Troopers. Though Adam and Miro quickly win the ensuing battle, the Horde Troopers follow them into Whispering Woods. We are led to believe that this is a problem, but it’s actually not; the Twiggets arrange for the Troopers to get lost pretty smartish.

King Miro 1
Prince Adam: “Erm, Grandpa? I’m not sure that potato is going to intimidate the Horde Troopers.”

The two of them soon locate the Rebellion’s camp, where Adora and Madame Razz are making preparations to disrupt a forthcoming visit from a Horde Inspector. Miro tells Adora that there’s so much he wants to tell her, and Adora responds that there’s so much she wants to ask. They then do no telling or asking of anything, instead going back to wittering about the Inspector, whom they decide to attack at a location called Crystal Something or Other.

Meanwhile, Hordak and Shadow Weaver greet the Inspector, but he brushes off their obsequiousness and informs them that Horde Prime is not pleased with the continuing success of the Rebellion. He further explains that he has a plan for the defeat of the rebels, which involves establishing an impenetrable crystal dome around Whispering Woods, to prevent the rebels ever getting out. Hordak is not pleased at this, largely because he hates inspectors more than he does rebels, and no doubt he isn’t keen for the Inspector to take all the credit.

King Miro 2
Inspector: “You can bow all you like, Hordak, but we’re still going to need to discuss that debacle with Horde Prime’s nephew from last week.”

In the morning, preparing for their attack on the Inspector, Adam and Adora send King Miro off with Madame Razz, which just shows how much they really like him. They then transform into He-Man and She-Ra simultaneously, and the two transformation sequences are cut together just as awkwardly as they were back in Battle for Bright Moon.

The Inspector successfully activates the crystal dome generator, surrounding Whispering Woods. King Miro and Madame Razz then show up, and Miro starts criticising Hordak, possibly calculating that while he’s stuck behind a crystal dome, nothing untoward can happen to him. This proves incorrect; Hordak sets a bunch of robotic bats on him, which serves him right, as far as I’m concerned. Still, Miro manages to defeat the bats using a mirror. King Mirror, if you will.

King Miro 3
King Miro: “I’m not the best zoo exhibit, being honest.”

In the meantime, He-Man and She-Ra discover the crystal dome, and don’t opt for the usual “punch it really hard” tactic, instead choosing to try something slightly more intelligent: He-Man lifts it up, and She-Ra balances it on the tip of her sword to carry it away. The episode doesn’t show us where she put it, but I like to think she put it over the Fright Zone.

King Miro decides that it’s now time for him to return to Eternia, even though he’d really like to stay. He doesn’t give any explanation as to why he has to go back, since he’s not exactly doing anything that important there, and he’s shown himself today to be more useful than the majority of the rebels. Once he and Adam have left, Adora goes for a joyride on Spirit, spouting some remarkable gibberish about not wanting to fly in case she crashes into her heart, which is soaring. Clearly she’s been at Madame Razz’s stash of LSD again.

King Miro 4
Adora: “Definitely might crash into my heart. That’s well plausible, that is.”

 

In today’s adventure…

No, I didn’t see Loo-Kee, which I’m sure will come as a tremendous surprise to you. He was in the Eternian Palace courtyard, in case you want to know. His moral drawn from this episode is that family is the most important thing in your life. He emphasises “your” in a really weird way, implying that he has far more important things in his life, but we don’t.

 

Character checklist

Some less regular attendees today, as I’m sure you’ll have guessed. Adora, Spirit, She-Ra, Swift Wind, Madame Razz, Broom, Loo-Kee, the Twiggets, Hordak, Shadow Weaver, Mantenna and the Horde Troopers are standard fare, but Adam, He-Man, King Miro, the Horde Inspector, and the man and the boy in Eternia’s Portrait Gallery are variety, and thus a treat for the eyes.

King Miro 5
He-Man: “Oh, do stop trying to upstage me with that bloody unicorn, She-Ra.”

 

Excuse given for Adora and Adam’s disappearances

“Only She-Ra can talk to the animals,” says Adora, as she prepares to interrogate a bird over suspected Horde activities in an early scene. Later on, when Adam and Adora transform together, they don’t give excuses, being too excited over the prospect of changing at the same time.

 

Insults

Surprisingly slim pickings today, with only Hordak making a contribution at all, referring to all his Horde Troopers as “clowns” and calling the Inspector a “coward”.

 

Does it have the Power?

I very much doubt that anyone had been wondering what had happened to King Miro after the less than enthralling events of Search for the Past, but this was a pretty decent return performance for him. Miro has a distinct air of competence about him, and is a well-drawn character who refuses to be intimidated by the Horde, even when he’s at a clear disadvantage. It strikes me that he’d be a better king than Randor, frankly, who I can only remember achieving anything once (in Prince Adam No More, if you must know).

King Miro 6
King Miro: “Come on, don’t try to tell me you don’t love skulking round portrait galleries dressed as Robin Hood.”

It’s also very pleasing to see Adam and He-Man again; I knew we would at some stage, but wasn’t expecting it to happen so soon. The simple but effective plot with the Inspector was good as well, especially since it gave some much needed character to Hordak: his dislike for the Inspector was very good, and it led to an amusing recurring joke in which he repeatedly threw Mantenna down a trapdoor just to cheer himself up. All in all, this one’s recommended.

Episode 127 – The Ancient Mirror of Avathar

In which Trapjaw chucks it all in to join the Royal Navy Reserves.

The episode opens with Adam introducing Moss-Man to Melaktha. I say Moss-Man is introduced to Melaktha, but in actual fact, Adam is clearly addressing the viewers, hoping to sell Moss-Man action figures. He even runs through Moss-Man’s special ability, which is to fall asleep and disguise himself as the nearest plant. I don’t see how this ability is ever going to help He-Man defeat Skeletor, but perhaps we’ll find out today.

Avathar 1
Melaktha: “Adam, how is this weird little leprechaun ever going to help?”

Moss-Man and Melaktha have joined Adam to go on a pleasure cruise to try to discover the ancient island continent of Avathar, which Melaktha is convinced is not a myth. Trapjaw has stowed away on their ship, disguising himself rather pathetically as a pirate, and he puts in a quick call to Evil-Lyn and Two-Bad at Snake Mountain to inform them that our heroes are searching for Avathar. They think Skeletor will be interested, but unless he needs a coursework topic for his GCSE in Archaeology, this seems unlikely to me.

Naturally, it doesn’t take long for our heroes to find the island of Avathar, and Melaktha gets straight into the archaeology – at least, when he’s not being pointlessly rude to Moss-Man. Investigating a demonic-looking statue, Melaktha unlocks a secret passage leading underground, which turns out to lead to the former museum of Avathar. Moss-Man strikes up a conversation with the moss on the walls, from which he learns that the Ancient Mirror of Avathar is hidden in a secret chamber.

Avathar 3
Prince Adam: “Thanks for the outing to the tackiest antique shop on Eternia, Melaktha.”

Our heroes find their way into the secret chamber with considerable ease, and gaze upon the Mirror. Adam asks what the Mirror is, at which point the Mirror wakes up and speaks to them. After ripping off the dialogue used by the Guardian of Forever in the famous Star Trek episode, it gets down to business and explains that it holds the entire knowledge of the former Avathar Empire. Adam and Melaktha immediately grab it and take it back aboard their ship, while Moss-Man loots all the other treasures in the museum. These people are not responsible archaeologists.

Trapjaw, still in his laughable pirate disguise, calls Snake Mountain again to give a progress update and to request instructions. Two-Bad, who seems to have taken an assertiveness course since his appearance last week, orders him to nick the Mirror and bring it to Snake Mountain. Trapjaw attempts to take advantage of a sudden thunderstorm to do just that, but due to his usual degree of incompetence, he is immediately discovered by Adam and Moss-Man.

Avathar 2
Two-Bad: “Worst snowglobe ever.”

Unfortunately, because of a subplot involving an idiot boy and his dad who live in a lighthouse, the ship is accidentally misguided onto some rocks, and runs aground. He-Man puts in an appearance to save the ship from sinking, then tows the ship safely to the docks. And then, to my distinct surprise, the episode ends, without making any kind of an attempt to wrap things up. It just stops.

 

In today’s adventure…

He-Man treats us to a little lecture about how boring jobs are still worth doing. Various characters throughout the episode have had a weird obsession with this theme, so it comes as no surprise to find it trotted out as the moral.

Avathar 4
Lighthouse keeper: “Our jobs and lives are very very dull.”

 

Character checklist

This week, we have the pleasure of the company of Prince Adam, He-Man, Melaktha, Moss-Man, Trapjaw, Evil-Lyn, Two-Bad, the lighthouse keeper, the idiot boy, and a large number of sailors. Oh, and also the Mirror, obviously.

 

Excuse given for Prince Adam’s disappearance

The first transformation comes when Adam in alone is a room, and so he doesn’t need to give an excuse. The second transformation equally comes with no excuse, and is noteworthy for Adam’s curious decision to turn into He-Man right in front of Trapjaw.

Avathar 5
Prince Adam: “Say there, sailor, you look a bit like Trapjaw. Unfortunate coincidence for you, I guess.”

 

Insults

Melaktha rudely refers to Moss-Man as Adam’s “green friend”, which is true but is definitely not meant politely. Two-Bad calls Trapjaw a “tin head”, but Trapjaw achieves a new low when he refers to himself as a “scurvy knave”.

 

Does it have the Power?

It’s really, really odd. I’ve complained in the past about episodes not knowing what they wanted to do with themselves, but I’m struggling to think of an episode that’s quite as disjointed as this one. The plotlines battling for attention in this episode are:

  1. The quest for the Mirror, and the knowledge it can bestow. This one takes up quite a lot of the first half of the episode, and seems to be the main storyline, but once our heroes have acquired the Mirror and stashed it on the boat, it never appears again – except right at the end, when the lighthouse boy and his dad use it to reflect light at the ocean. Quite how they got their hands on the Mirror is not explained.
  2. As a subplot of the above, there’s Trapjaw trying to nick the Mirror. This is clearly just here to bulk the episode out, since it’s a plotline that goes absolutely nowhere and does nothing.
  3. The stupid boy in the lighthouse. After the quest for the Mirror, the episode decides it wants to focus on this individual, who is a pretty standard Filmation child. He doesn’t want to do the lighthouse job because it’s boring, so he goofs off, and ultimately discovers that he’s caused a disaster. Cue much hand-wringing, apologies, and forgiveness from his disappointed but understanding father.
  4. Melaktha’s odd prejudice towards Moss-Man. In the early part of the episode, Melaktha clearly hates Moss-Man’s guts, but he gets over this when Moss-Man saves his life.

Avathar 6
Mirror: “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, what’s the oddest episode of them all?”

With all this going on, it’s plain that it’s not all going to get a fair showing. The Mirror plotline is particularly poorly served, since there’s a lot of build-up and excitement around the Mirror’s discovery, and then nothing at all happens. Trapjaw’s plotline could have been safely cut, and I’d have been happier if the lighthouse rubbish hadn’t been involved.

So all in all, it’s a bit of a mess, but – especially in the first half – an enjoyable one. It’s particularly good if you’re a massive Moss-Man fan; I’m sure there must be at least one of you out there.

Episode 123 – Mistaken Identity

In which Modulok builds Eternia’s first railway.

Out in the forest, a young lady – apparently called Korea – is passive-aggressively berating her boyfriend Ferrin, because he’s not as awesome as He-Man. Ferrin eventually decides he’s had enough of this, and heads off to get some water. While he’s gone, Korea is attacked by a bird known as a Shrieker, and is saved by He-Man’s convenient presence. Observing this, and knowing Korea thinks that He-Man has a secret identity, Ferrin decides to pretend that he is He-Man.

Mistaken 1
He-Man: “No need for Battle-Cat anymore!”

Shortly thereafter, Ferrin concocts a stupid plan to lend credence to his pretence. He lures He-Man into a cave, then does a very creditable impersonation of Prince Adam by commenting, “You go on ahead, I’ve, uh, got some things to do.” It’s so creditable, in fact, that I’d conclude it’s performed by the same voice actor. He then ensures that Korea sees him going into the cave. When she subsequently sees He-Man emerge, she falls for the trick.

In the meantime, Modulok – who appears to be doing time in Eternia’s top prison – escapes. He runs straight to a scientific lab and gets on Skype to Skeletor, asking to be allowed to join Skeletor’s band of incompetent fools. Skeletor rejects him on the basis of being too rubbish, which frankly is a little bit rich, considering the track record of Skeletor’s gang.

Mistaken 2
Skeletor: “We’re not recruiting at the moment, but tell you what, drop your CV in and I’ll take a look.”

Modulok wanders sadly through the forest, hoping to do something super to prove his abilities to Skeletor, but unsure what. He comes across Korea and Ferrin, and listens in as Ferrin “admits” that he is in fact He-Man. Modulok instantly captures Ferrin and carts him off to a jail cell, and then spends a considerable amount of time trying to persuade him to become He-Man.

Korea runs to the Palace and tells Adam that He-Man is in terrible trouble. Adam thinks she’s a moron, but once he’s heard the whole story, he amiably transforms into He-Man and then tells Korea that Ferrin is a lying bastard. They then troll off to rescue Ferrin, which is achieved with considerable ease. This is thanks in no small part to a really odd moment in which Modulok builds a railway and then boards a train which leads directly into a prison cell. Finally, Korea tells Ferrin that she appreciates him just the way he is, without him having to pretend to be He-Man. The whole thing ends with He-Man reviving his demented winking-at-the-camera trick, which I thought he’d abandoned long ago.

Mistaken 3
Modulok: “I suppose Skeletor’s got a point, if I am stupid enough to arrange for myself to go to jail on a train.”

 

In today’s adventure…

Adam embarks on a muddled definition of the difference between pretending and lying. Apparently, if you say you’re He-Man, it’s lying, not pretending, which must have made the school playgrounds of the 1980s full of liars.

 

Character checklist

Well, well, well, here we go again, with appearances from Prince Adam, Cringer, He-Man, Battle-Cat, Ferrin, Korea, Teela, Orko, Modulok, Skeletor, and lots of Palace guards.

Mistaken 4
Ferrin: “For God’s sake, Korea, you’ve eaten everything, and you won’t even let me sit on the blanket.”

 

Excuse given for Prince Adam’s disappearance

The first time there’s a transformation, Teela is good enough to provide a readymade excuse, telling Adam to “go for help”. Adam does so, and astoundingly manages to find He-Man. The second time is less noteworthy; there’s no one around when Adam transforms. On the third occasion, Adam tells Korea to “wait here”, and then idly ambles off.

 

Insults

Skeletor gets in a double whammy on Modulok this week, saying, “You are a wimp scientist and you could be a wimp villain.” Poor Modulok. I’d feel sorry for him, if it wasn’t for his later unpleasantness in referring to a big brown monster as a “fool”.

Mistaken 5
Modulok: “Frankly, I’m surrounded by fools.”

 

Does it have the Power?

I wouldn’t rush to recommend it, but it’s not dreadful. It seems to be supposed to be Modulok’s first episode, since it starts off with him being a scientist called Galen Nightcroft, who transforms himself into Modulok. It would be quite good, if it weren’t for the fact that we first met Modulok in Happy Birthday Roboto, about 10 episodes ago.

Otherwise, I can’t help but feel the writer was poking fun at the whole ridiculous double identity business, especially when Modulok says, “A secret identity for He-Man? I never thought of that. Can it be possible?” Korea is a cut above most of the inhabitants of Eternia, since she’s worked out that He-Man must have a secret identity, but just doesn’t know who. The main problem with Korea is that she sounds like she’s close to orgasm every time He-Man is mentioned, which is a little distracting.

 

Episode 101 – Not So Blind

In which He-Man and Ram-Man take a blind boy to a cave.

Prince Adam overhears an old man in the marketplace telling some children stories about He-Man’s exploits, so he wanders along to join in. One of the children presciently asks why He-Man doesn’t just smash Skeletor into little bones, and Adam explains that He-Man tries not to hurt any living being. He then goes on to lamely explain that Skeletor will be punished for his evil one day, but the children are unconvinced, as was I.

All the children leave, except one boy, who is blind. His name – for no readily apparent reason – is Loose, and he expresses a desire to meet He-Man. Adam offers him the chance to go on an adventure with He-Man, and Loose accepts. First needing to ask permission from his parents, he leads Adam to his home. It is made clear at this juncture that Loose may be blind, but he is perfectly capable of taking care of himself.

Blind 1
Storyteller: “I’ve got the best hat ever, and don’t even try to tell me otherwise.”

Adam evidently decides that he doesn’t like Loose very much, because he next introduces him to Ram-Man, who is definitely not the person I’d most want to meet if I visited Eternia. As Adam pops off to turn into He-Man, Loose feels Ram-Man’s face and asks him various questions like, “Where is your neck?” and “How do you turn your head?” This is all intended to demonstrate that the blind boy can ‘see’ as well as any of us, but it comes perilously close to pointing out just how stupid Ram-Man’s character design is.

He-Man now appears and introduces himself to Loose, then suggests that the three of them go to find the legendary Singing Crystals. This whole sequence feels as if it’s the start of a ride in the He-Man Theme Park; I can just imagine lots of people being packed into a fake Attack Trak, while He-Man and Ram-Man deliver overblown lines about going to find something rare and exciting, just for the fun of it. Maybe it’s a business venture the two of them will take up when they retire.

Blind 2
He-Man: “Loose, I’m sorry I had to involve Ram-Man, but he’s contractually obliged to appear.”

Anyway, the three companions make their way through the wilderness, as Loose explains that he uses his other senses to find his way with ease. This is demonstrated in a few scenes of relative subtlety which show Ram-Man tripping over a rock that Loose had successfully avoided, and Loose concluding how old a bridge is by feeling the rope and listening to the wooden planks.

Finally, they reach the caves of the Singing Crystals, which are bright and shimmery, but more importantly for Loose, they genuinely do sing when they are touched. Unfortunately, one of the Crystals falls and shatters in a bright explosion, and because He-Man and Ram-Man are both stupid enough to look right at it, they are blinded by the flash.

Blind 3
Loose: “There’s just something about this scene that screams 1980s disco.”

Debating what to do, Loose says that he will be able to lead the party home, which he does with considerable ease, until they get to the old bridge. While they are on the bridge, one end collapses and the three of them find themselves hanging on for dear life, and unable to climb up because the boards are loose. He-Man manages to throw a lasso into a nearby tree and hoist the party up, a feat which ordinarily would be second nature for him, but gives him some difficulty while he is unable to see.

The trio navigate a number of other hazards before they successfully return to the Palace, where Man-at-Arms (in his capacity as Palace Optician, to add to his hundreds of other jobs) restores He-Man’s sight. There’s no mention of Ram-Man’s sight being restored, but I think we can take it as a given that this happens too. Loose then relates the story to the other children, who call him a liar until He-Man comes along to give him some street cred.

Blind 4
He-Man: “Ello, ello, ello, what’s all this then?”

 

In today’s adventure…

Would you know it, children that are blind or handicapped are not helpless, and have feelings and desires just like the rest of us. It’s easy for me to poke fun, but actually this moral is well worth the inclusion.

 

Character checklist

It’s one of those rare episodes without a villain, and it’s even rarer in that it’s a good one (see The Starchild and The Remedy, if you can stomach it). That results in a pretty tight cast list, consisting simply of Prince Adam, He-Man, Ram-Man, Loose, the storyteller, a bunch of children, and a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it appearance from Man-at-Arms.

 

Excuse given for Prince Adam’s disappearance

Adam mutters, “Please excuse me, but, uh, there’s something that I’ve got to do,” just after introducing Loose to Ram-Man. He goes just out of sight – and presumably earshot – to transform, then reappears as He-Man and says, “Adam can’t make it.”

Blind 5
Adam: “Maybe if I shrug my shoulders so it looks like I have no neck, I won’t have to go on this stupid expedition with Ram-Man.”

 

Insults

With the possible exception of the other children calling Loose a “liar” at the end of the episode, there are no insults on show today.

 

Does it have the Power?

This is an episode that could have gone one of two ways: either outstandingly good or toe-curlingly bad. I’m happy to report that it is the former. Loose’s blindness is handled with considerable sensitivity, and there are some scenes included that genuinely make you think, especially if you’re four years old. My favourite such scene was on the way to the caves, when He-Man offers to carry Loose over the bridge. Loose responds, “Are you going to carry Ram-Man across?” before requesting to be treated like anybody else. The message is clearly received, without ever descending into patronising drivel.

Blind 6
Loose: “I wonder how anyone managed to construct this ridiculously long and flimsy bridge.”

The conceit of turning He-Man and Ram-Man blind was also good; we’d all seen Loose being capable beforehand, but it really upped the game when our heroes were rendered helpless and had to be led to safety by another character. I also enjoyed the fact that there was no villain in the episode. The only criticism I might level is that I have no idea why Loose has such a stupid name. On the other hand, characters in He-Man are often named after their ability, so I suppose it’s lucky that he didn’t wind up with a tactless name like Blindor or No-Eyes-Man.

In short, this is a surprisingly mature episode, and well worth a watch.

Episode 098 – Search for the Past

In which Prince Adam leaps out of a moving Wind Raider for no reason whatsoever.

Man-at-Arms and Orko go shopping down at the market. You might think that the episode can’t get any more exciting than that, but it does. At one trader’s stall, Man-at-Arms spots a golden bracelet which used to belong to King Randor’s father, King Miro, and demands to know where he found it. On learning that it came from the Swamps of Enchantment, Man-at-Arms takes the bracelet to Randor, and the two of them decide to go to the Swamps to find Miro.

Search 1
King Randor: “You’re nicked.”

Concerned for her husband, Queen Marlena asks Adam and Cringer to go to the Swamps as well. She is right to be worried: Man-at-Arms’ stupendous incompetence has already led to Randor being kidnapped by the Enchantress, a sexy sorceress who was responsible for Miro’s disappearance many years ago.

Adam and Cringer fly to the Swamps in the Wind Raider. Once they get there they decide not to land the Wind Raider like normal, but instead jump out and float down using parachutes, leaving the Wind Raider to land itself. This is bizarre behaviour, the only reason for which Adam gives is the non sequitur phrase, “In that spinach?” Adam is mental.

Search 2
Cringer: “This sequence must have been a devil of a job for the animators.”

They quickly locate Man-at-Arms, and decide to turn into He-Man and Battle-Cat for good measure. They soon decide that Randor must be being held in Lost Mountain, which is a mountain hovering in mid-air directly above the Swamps. Unsure of how to get up to the mountain, He-Man comments that it would be good to have a Wind Raider. There is no hint in his voice that it’s his own bloody insane fault that they don’t.

Without a Wind Raider available, He-Man instead catapults himself onto the mountain using a bent tree, and sets off to find the missing royals. He finds King Miro first, who is in a rock cabin at the very top of a mountain spire, and he reveals that Randor is probably being held in Castle Fear, back on solid ground. They set off together, awarding themselves a fight with a stupid monster en route.

Search 3
King Miro: “Thank goodness you’re not my grandson Adam. I’d do my nut if he dyed his hair neon orange.”

He-Man and Miro parachute off Lost Mountain and head for Castle Fear, picking up Man-at-Arms and Battle-Cat as they go. The Enchantress tries to defeat the assembled party with various stupid monsters and magic tricks, but fails entirely. Once she’s dealt with, Randor offers Miro his throne back, but Miro declines, opting instead to roam Eternia and learn about its people anew. I predict that after two weeks of learning about imbeciles like Ram-Man and Buzz-Off, Miro will be back at the Palace, begging to live with Randor and Adam, who are at least borderline sane.

 

In today’s adventure…

Orko gives us two morals for the price of one this week:

  • You can’t do bad things without being punished for them.
  • If you have a grandmother or grandfather, you are really lucky.

The first of these wasn’t exactly demonstrated; Orko tries to make out that the Enchantress got punished, but she didn’t really – she just got carried off camera by a giant slug (sorry, I didn’t mention that in the synopsis). What happened to her thereafter is anyone’s guess. The second wasn’t really demonstrated either: having a grandfather in this episode led to He-Man having to mess about catapulting himself onto floating mountains and other such rubbish, which I’d hesitate to describe as lucky. My guess is that the writers knew each of these lessons singularly was too weak to carry the episode, so they thought that if they mashed them together, that would be good enough.

Search 4
The Enchantress: “I wonder why so many female magicians on Eternia wear birds on their heads.”

 

Character checklist

This week’s effort treats us to Prince Adam, Cringer, He-Man, Battle-Cat, King Randor, Queen Marlena, King Miro, Man-at-Arms, Orko, the Enchantress, the marketplace trader, and the massive slug.

 

Insults

The Enchantress does a lot of insulting this week, but her voice is really soft so I couldn’t tell what she was saying a lot of the time. It’s a definite fact that she refers to her sluggy servant thing as a “bothersome insect”, a “slimy slug”, a “fool”, and “sludge”. She also calls Miro a “royal buffoon” and might call Randor a “fool”, but her soft voice lets her down here. He-Man refers to one of the stupid monsters as an “ugly snowball”, and two more as “mudballs”, which suggests He-Man has acquired a sudden and unexpected obsession with balls.

Search 5
Stupid monster: “Smugger than Nigel Farage on 24th June 2016.”

 

Egg on your face?

It barely qualifies, but since this category has been quiet lately, I should report that Orko’s stupid clumsiness brings a huge pile of oranges down on his head.

 

Does it have the Power?

There’s an inherent problem with episodes like this one. From the moment the prospect arises that King Miro might be alive, we know he will be, because Filmation doesn’t do tragic. We also know, however, that even though he’s alive, he’s not going to take his throne back from Randor. Further to that, we’re pretty confident that we’ll never see him again. Consequently, it’s really difficult to get invested in the plotline, because it’s not going to have any long-term impact. And yes, I know that every episode restores matters to the status quo at the end, but most of them don’t offer potentially huge changes as a consequence of the episode’s events, like this one does.

Search 6
King Miro: “I’m leaving now, Adam. There’s no need to ever mention me again.”

It doesn’t help, I suppose, that the Enchantress is a boring and utterly motiveless baddy, and that Randor and Miro don’t really seem to care when they are reunited. Adam makes a valiant attempt to convince us that he’s pleased to meet his grandfather, but while we’re on the subject of Adam, his behaviour with the Wind Raider this week was so far outside the realms of logic that I’m tempted to conclude he’s cracked under the pressure and gone completely insane.

So, unfortunately, I wasn’t a fan of this one. I recommend missing it.

That’s the last review for a couple of weeks now. Should be back around about 4th November. Don’t miss me too much.