Episode 64 – Wild Child

In which we get numerous vaguely linked plotlines, none of which work.

When white dog-like ghosts begin running at night through the rebel camp, plant life starts to wither and die. The rebels discover a gold locket, imprinted with the crest of the Green Island Kingdom, and so Adora sends Madame Razz and Broom off to the Green Islands to seek answers. Once Madame Razz has gone, however, Adora encounters the ghosts herself, and discovers them to be simply white dogs, accompanied by a ghostly white female.

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White Dog: “Got her pinned down! Let’s eat her!”

This is apparently sufficient provocation to warrant a transformation into She-Ra, and there follows a weird sequence in which She-Ra doesn’t seem to know what to do about the dogs, so she waits until they nearly fall off a cliff and then leaps in to save them. She then meets a collection of woodcutters, who blame the white dogs for the dying trees. This entire scene tells us nothing we didn’t already know, and I’m tempted to delete this paragraph, but I’ve put quite a bit of effort into writing it, so I won’t.

Madame Razz returns and makes her report to Adora and Bow. The locket belongs to Princess Allegra of the Green Islands, who disappeared five years ago when her sailboat was washed away in a storm. Her father, King Arbor, is very keen to find Allegra, who was only seven years old when she vanished, and so he’s on his way to Whispering Wood to find out more.

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Madame Razz: “Broom, I’ve just realised how bloody useless you are.”

Ever aware of the need to advertise the latest action figures, Adora suggests that they go and ask Mermista about Princess Allegra, not that they have any reason to imagine she’ll know anything. As it happens, though, Mermista has the power to access the memory of any sea creature, and thus it is that she is able to reveal that Princess Allegra’s sailboat did indeed capsize, but Allegra herself was saved by a pack of white dogs.

Princess Allegra chooses this moment to make an appearance, and explains that she’s not a ghost, for those of us who were still invested in the ghost plot. She then continues her expository monologue with the information that she now lives in the forest with the white dogs, and claims the dogs are not responsible for the dying trees, for those of us who were still invested in the dying vegetation plot.

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Allegra: “I’m going for the fashion style known as castaway-chic.”

Adora and Bow take Allegra and a white dog to the rebel camp, and the episode lurches into a storyline about how Allegra seems uncivilised to other children, because she’s grown up in the forest with only some white dogs as parents. Fortunately, that doesn’t last too long before the episode has another abrupt change of heart and starts concentrating on the woodcutters chasing one of the white dogs around.

The woodcutters temporarily manage to trap the white dog, but at that very moment, the ground starts heating up and some plants die. She-Ra makes an unwelcome re-entry to the storyline at this stage, and determines that there are a load of lava tunnels running directly underneath Whispering Wood. Her solution is to divert the ocean into the tunnels to extinguish the lava, which is achieved with stunning ease.

The episode attempts to wrap its various meandering plotlines up by having King Arbor arrive and taking Allegra home. Allegra says goodbye to her white dog friends, and Adora promises that the woodcutters will leave the dogs alone in future. Then she smirks in a really silly way.

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King Arbor: “Thanks for finding my daughter, She-Ra. What’s that? I could join the Rebellion? You must be joking, ta-ta.”

 

In today’s adventure…

Loo-Kee’s got the worst hiding place ever today. He’s in the middle of an empty green field, with only his stupid blue tail offering him the slightest degree of concealment. I saw him immediately. His moral is that we should always eat our vegetables, rather than any one of the many things this episode might have been trying to say, such as:

  1. Don’t assume people and dogs are ghosts, because they probably aren’t.
  2. Don’t assume girls who grew up in the forest are idiots, because they probably aren’t.
  3. Don’t assume She-Ra knows what she’s doing when she’s messing about with volcanoes, because she probably doesn’t.
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Loo-Kee: “Sorry to lower the tone, but this week it does rather look like I’m hiding behind my own massively engorged penis.”

 

Character checklist

This rubbish features Adora, She-Ra, Swift Wind, Bow, Kowl, Madame Razz, Broom, Glimmer, Mermista, Allegra, King Arbor, Loo-Kee, some rebels and some woodcutters.

 

Excuse given for Adora’s disappearance

It’s not an excuse as such, but Adora does heartily announce “Time for She-Ra!” just before transforming. Just thought you might be interested. If you’re still reading these reviews after this long, there’s a fair chance you are.

Adora’s second transformation comes with a better excuse, since she tells Bow to wait while “I head off the woodsmen.”

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Woodcutters: “Yeah yeah, we cut down loads of trees with our, er, clubs.”

 

Insults

At the beginning, Bow discovers that all the prize-winning vegetables in his garden have withered and died, and considers that this means it’s okay to call Kowl a “featherbrain”. Otherwise, we only have some rubbish from the rebel children, one of whom says that Allegra “looks like an animal,” to which Allegra retorts, “You’re silly-looking.”

 

Oh No, Bow!

“I don’t get it,” announces Bow. “How could Allegra’s locket get from the Green Islands to Whispering Wood?” Well, Bow, here’s a notion: maybe someone carried it? If you can’t conceive of a method to get a small amulet from one place to another, you really are genuinely dim.

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Adora: “No need to look so smug, Bow. You’re a moron of the highest order.”

 

Does it have the Power?

This one really doesn’t work. The bit about ghosts doesn’t make sense, since when we first see them, Allegra and the dogs are animated entirely in white, to make them look ghostly, but later on, they just look normal. There’s no explanation as to why they looked completely white, and it can only be chalked up to a pointless exercise in misdirection. The episode’s plotline about Allegra growing up in the forest could have been interesting, but was sacrificed almost immediately in favour of a load of utter gibberish about volcanoes. The woodcutters also did not feel like a necessary inclusion. All in all, I suggest avoiding this episode.

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Bonus Update: He-Man Goes to Armenia

Time for something a bit different today. In mid-June, I went to Armenia, and I took my new Mega-Construx He-Man figure with me. His exploits were detailed on Instagram, but if you missed them, the full story is now revealed here…

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He-Man arrives in Yerevan, and stands in front of a very faint Mount Ararat.
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And now He-Man is checking out the 2800 fountains, one for each year of Yerevan’s existence.
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He-Man learns about the complex relationship between sculpture and architecture in post-Soviet Armenia.
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He-Man, when you’re in Armenia, you should eat Armenian food, not Mexican…
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And now you’re on the cocktails. For God’s sake, He-Man.
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Here’s He-Man at the Holy See of Echmiadzin, the holiest place in Armenia.
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And now he’s checking out the ruins of Zvartnots cathedral, destroyed in an earthquake over 1000 years ago.
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He-Man’s been busy today. He’s now at Khor Virap, where Armenia became the world’s first Christian country, in 301 AD. He-Man is fun and educational.
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He-Man is now at Noravank monastery, which is very hot even at 6.30pm.
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He-Man has climbed (driven) to the top of the Selim Pass. He’s facing the wrong way to enjoy the view though.
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He-Man is now at the spa town of Jermuk, where he considered a shower in the warm salty water coming from this tap, but decided against it in case it washed his paintwork off.
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He-Man defying death on a narrow bridge at Jermuk waterfall. He is now well behind schedule and has a long drive ahead of him.
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This is He-Man at Karahunj, Armenia’s Stonehenge. Unfortunately, He-Man was being a right dick this evening and wouldn’t stand up, so here he is just after he fell over for the 170 billionth time.
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What’s that you say, He-Man? You’d like a go on the world’s longest non-stop reversible aerial tramway? Well, you’ve come to the right place!
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He-Man is feeling very pleased with his visit to Tatev monastery.
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He-Man, get your greedy hands off my chips!
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He-Man has come to see 7000 year old petroglyphs in the mountains above Sisian.
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He-Man loves posing on the numberplate of his Soviet jeep.
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He-Man is not at all keen to get out of the car in the thunderstorm at Varodnovank monastery.
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He-Man’s tour of Armenia continues with a visit to Noratus cemetery.
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He-Man feels he deserves a bit of chillax time at Lake Sevan.
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He-Man is still living it up, now at the rather tacky resort of Sevanavank.
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He-Man, I think you’re getting a bit overfamiliar with me now.
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Amazing breakfast for He-Man in Dilijan.
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He-Man feels that Dilijan’s Soviet monument to the unity of the Caucasian peoples would not look out of place on Eternia.
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He-Man is quite affronted that I was too ashamed to ask that he be included in this selfie at Ijevan Wine Factory.
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He-Man is rather sulkily hiking the Transcaucasian Trail.
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He-Man’s day begins with a quick trip to the enticingly named Chemical Factory Workers’ Park.
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He-Man reconnects with the type of TV on which he enjoyed his heyday.
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He-Man’s trip ends rather abruptly with some bad news. He appears to have slipped out of my pocket somewhere along the way. I went back to check if he was in the abandoned Soviet industrial cable car behind me (not a place I’d planned to visit once, let alone twice), but no luck. I suppose I should count myself lucky I didn’t lose my wallet or car keys or something, but I feel bereft.

He-Man is clearly unreliable. On my next trip, I’m bringing Skeletor instead.

Episode 63 – Flowers for Hordak

In which the Fright Zone becomes the Flower Zone.

It’s becoming a noticeable pattern with episodes written by Bob Forward that they begin with an extended scene in which Hordak demonstrates how unpleasant he is, usually by bullying Mantenna in an amusing way. This episode is no exception, but after the laughs are over, we move onto the plot line. Shadow Weaver has found a black ruby, which will allow her to darken the air around Whispering Wood and stop the trees growing. If the trees die, the magic of Whispering Wood will no longer protect the rebels. The only problem is that one of the rebels, called Perfuma, has a magical power which will enable her to keep plants alive even if they have no light. Accordingly, Hordak decides that Stage 1 of this cunning plan will be to capture Perfuma, so he sends out a strike force of Horde Troopers to do so.

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Mantenna: “I assure you, there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for this.”

Perfuma is hanging out at a beautiful location called the Crystal Falls, along with Adora, Bow and a mermaid called Mermista. Mermista speaks with a vague Russian accent and isn’t annoying, but Perfuma talks like she’s got no brains, and spends her time obsessively adding flowers to everything, including Adora’s head. It is perhaps a relief for the rebels, therefore, when a Horde Trooper successfully kidnaps Perfuma; they certainly don’t seem inclined to go to too much trouble to get her back.

Both Bow and Glimmer seem incredulous at this turn of events; independently, they both ask, “Why would the Horde want Perfuma?” The implication here is that Perfuma is no use to man nor beast. She-Ra is at a loss to explain the kidnap, but all becomes clear when Shadow Weaver casts her spell to block out the sun. She-Ra turns to directly address the camera, and looks distinctly cross-eyed – and even possibly a bit drunk – as she proclaims that she is going to ask Light Hope what to do.

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She-Ra: “Oh Christ, I’m off my tits again.”

Light Hope is bafflingly insane this time, though; he agrees that the trees will die without Perfuma, but insists that She-Ra must do absolutely nothing to try to sort the situation out. Bemused, She-Ra leers drunkenly at the camera again, then returns to the rebel camp, where she convinces Glimmer to cast a spell to simulate sunlight. After Glimmer does this, she claims exhaustion, and retires to bed with what looks like a McDonalds takeaway on her bedside table.

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Glimmer: “I said a Big Mac, not the bloody chicken nuggets.”

In the meantime, Perfuma has decorated her cell with a huge flower display, and for some bonkers reason, is leading a Horde Trooper in a waltz. Needless to say, Hordak is not amused, and becomes even less so as the episode progresses and Perfuma spreads her flowers across the entire Fright Zone. Hordak sends increasingly desperate messages to the rebels, offering to swap Perfuma for She-Ra, and eventually just offering to release Perfuma if someone would just come and get her.

She-Ra takes him up on this latter deal, and arrives in the Fright Zone to find the entire place is covered in flowers, and Hordak is not at all pleased about it. And so begins the oddest prisoner release negotiation in history, with neither side wanting to have possession of the prisoner. She-Ra drives a hard bargain, and eventually agrees to take Perfuma away in return for the black ruby, money and supplies for the Rebellion. Shadow Weaver also lifts the sun-blocking spell, and She-Ra once again drunkenly mugs at the camera.

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Hordak: “I’m willing to accept that this time I’ve screwed up.”

 

In today’s adventure…

Christ alone knows what we’re supposed to have learned from this little excursion into the world of the genuinely mental. Loo-Kee (who was lurking around at the Crystal Falls) goes for the obvious, suggesting that maybe we should take the time to enjoy trees and flowers. Sadly, he stops short of suggesting we decorate our worst enemy’s house with them.

 

Character checklist

It’s a triumphant introduction for Perfuma, and not a bad intro for Mermista. Our regulars are Adora, She-Ra, Swift Wind, Glimmer, Bow, Light Hope, Madame Razz, Loo-Kee, Hordak, Shadow Weaver, Mantenna, some random rebels, and some Horde Troopers.

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Mermista: “I think I’m going to bow out of this episode early on.”

 

Excuse given for Adora’s disappearance

She-Ra offers only a terse, “No time to explain” when asked where she came from.

 

Insults

Mermista calls a pair of Horde Troopers “dirty tin cans”, which is pretty par for the course. Otherwise, the start of the episode features Hordak happily describing Mantenna as a “bug-eyed bungler”. Later on, there’s a lot more irritation in his voice when he calls some Horde Troopers “idiots”, but this is understandable since he’s had to put up with Perfuma calling him an “old grouch” and the enormously insulting “Hordikins”.

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Hordak: “This is the lowest point of my entire life.”

 

Does it have the Power?

Well, wow. Sometimes the writers surpass themselves. This episode is a serious contender for the most insane thing I’ve ever seen. It makes absolutely bugger-all sense, of course, but the scenes of Perfuma leading a squadron of Horde Troopers in a conga are so hilariously demented that you can’t help but love it. Hordak is extremely funny in his OTT hatred for flowers in general and Perfuma in particular, and it somehow adds to the general hilarity that even the rebels seem less than enthused about Perfuma’s presence in their lives. Perfuma is a hugely irritating character, but since the writer clearly intended her to be that way, it’s absolutely fine, so long as she never appears again – I’m convinced the joke will wear extremely thin if she makes a return showing. This episode, though, is one of the greats. Well done.

Episode 62 – Magicats

In which She-Ra discovers an underground kingdom of cats.

Prince Orwell of somewhere or another has come to meet Adora, providing supplies for the Rebellion. Unfortunately, Catra and two Horde Troopers have followed him, and so it’s swords drawn and references to the honour of Grayskull all round. In the course of the ensuing kerfuffle, Catra uses a new device – which looks like a fork – to open a massive chasm, down which both she and She-Ra fall.

They both land at separate positions in a vast underground maze. Catra quickly finds her way to a large city, populated by a cat people, and consequently feels she’s landed on her feet somewhat. She assumes her large purple cat form, and starts slinking around the city, which for whatever reason makes the populace decide that she is their long-lost queen. Catra is only too pleased to play along, feigning memory loss.

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Catra: “It’s difficult to explain just how pleased I am about this.”

Minister Cloudfoot helpfully fills Catra in on their queen’s history. When the Horde came to Etheria, they attacked the cat people and drove them underground, after taking many slaves. The queen went out to look for the slaves, and has not been seen since. Catra realises that her cat mask – the source of her catty powers – must have belonged to the queen, and uses its powers to convince the people that she is the queen returned.

Soon enough, She-Ra blunders along into the cat city, and is instantly ambushed by a contingent of light-sabre wielding cats. Catra then administers the coup-de-grace, using her mask’s freeze ray to entrap She-Ra within a block of ice. After the commercial break, we find Catra has retired to a boudoir, and is lounging about plotting to abandon Hordak and remain ruler of the cat people for ever. For this plan to succeed, she determines she will have to dispose of She-Ra once and for all.

She-Ra, in the meantime, has been taken to a prison cell and restrained with chains of magical energy. Of course, she spends her time yammering away to her guard Percival, explaining that Catra is a Horde captain, and that the cat people’s queen is really in a Horde prison camp. Percival pops off to Catra’s boudoir, where he finds that she has foolishly resumed her human shape and is chatting to Hordak on an Apple iWatch. This is all the proof Percival needs, and returns to free She-Ra.

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Hordak: “Catra, there’s a weirdo at the window behind you.”

Percival reveals that Catra is about to be crowned queen in a special ceremony, and explains that it is imperative that she is exposed before the coronation. She-Ra is all too willing to help, and the two of them burst into the ceremony, to find Catra in cat form, sitting on the throne very neatly. Percival suggests that since the queen would be able to defeat a human in single combat, the cat people should let Catra and She-Ra fight it out.

This suggestion is accepted by everyone, though Catra presumably has some degree of apprehension about it, given her track record in fighting She-Ra. Not unexpectedly, She-Ra quickly gains the upper hand and knocks Catra’s mask off, reverting her to her human form. Once the cats realise Catra’s true nature, they all surround her, pretty damn ominously, I must say.

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Catra: “I believe the appropriate expression is ‘curses, foiled again’.”

Catra grabs her mask and runs away, but as she goes the cat people cast a spell to erase her memory of these events, ensuring that their underground city will remain hidden from the Horde. She-Ra then indulges in a very clever trick to free the real queen from prison, and also manages to involve Prince Orwell in the episode’s conclusion, in case we were desperate to see him again.

 

In today’s adventure…

Loo-Kee is the very first thing that greets the viewer when the episode begins, and it truly is a pleasure to see him. When we catch up with him again at the end of the episode, his message to us is that we shouldn’t throw litter on the ground, but should always use a bin. While I agree with the sentiment, I sometimes wonder if Loo-Kee is even vaguely aware of the episode’s story. This week had nothing to do with litter, at all. Except maybe cat litter, but that’s stretching it.

 

Character checklist

Adora, Spirit, She-Ra, Prince Orwell, Minister Cloudfoot, Percival, the cat people’s queen, various other cats, Loo-Kee, Catra, Hordak, and the usual array of Horde Troopers.

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Prince Orwell: “I’m definitely not an irrelevant character.”

 

Insults

It’s rather light on the insults today, the only one I can be certain of being Catra muttering under her breath that the cat people are “fools”. There is also a moment when she addresses Percival and says either “keep back!” or “fleabag!”, but I couldn’t say which.

 

Does it have the Power?

Catra really is one of the most reliably entertaining villains in this series, Shadow Weaver being the other. This week finds Catra at her scheming best, and it’s all mighty good fun seeing her pulling the wool over the eyes of the cat people and setting herself up as queen. I also like that her loyalty to Hordak is – at best – dubious, as it gives her a depth of character way beyond that afforded to other Horde idiots. I do like cats a lot as well, so perhaps that helps to swing this episode for me. Even if you don’t like cats, though, I don’t think anyone could deny this one has a spark and energy that recent efforts have lacked a bit. Recommended.

Episode 61 – Darksmoke and Fire

In which Granamyr pops up again, although I wish he hadn’t bothered.

Today’s little intrigue centres around Modulok, who has been busy creating a massive missile. It is intended for use next time She-Ra opens a gateway to Eternia and will apparently make said gateway unstable, with the result that She-Ra could be deposited absolutely anywhere. To be honest, this is unlikely to be successful, but Hordak seems impressed.

Luckily, they don’t have long to wait before they can test the missile. For no readily discernible reason, Adora and Light Hope open a gateway to Eternia, so Modulok deploys the missile. Adora ends up on Eternia anyway, which is surprising given the claim she could be deposited in a random location anywhere throughout the universe. To give Modulok a tiny bit of credit, Adora is somewhere in the Eternian wilderness, not in the Palace as she expected.

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Hordak: “Modulok, is it possible that you didn’t have time to test the missile because you wasted ages painstakingly painting the Horde logo on it?”

Or is she? Adora suddenly recognises the landscape, and realises that the Palace is gone. Before she has time to muse on this surprising situation, some people run past, chasing someone else. Without giving any thought to who’s in the right and who’s in the wrong, Adora changes into She-Ra and takes the side of the person being chased.

After she chases off the chasers, She-Ra doesn’t have time to discuss the situation before being attacked by a dragon. Luckily, the guy who was being chased intervenes, and fortunately he gets a name at this point, so I can now refer to him as Tarben. The dragon is introduced as Brightstar, and it seems he and Tarben are friends. Tarben thanks She-Ra for her help, and takes her to a place called Dragon Valley.

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Tarben: “I’m sensing a distinct disparity in the amount of screen She-Ra and I have been allocated.”

In Dragon Valley, She-Ra meets Granamyr, our old mate of a dragon from some of He-Man’s best episodes. She-Ra seems to know who Granamyr is, having been told about him by He-Man, King Randor, Man-at-Arms and Orko – but these names are unfamiliar to Granamyr. Luckily, before this can get any more confusing, Granamyr casts a spell on She-Ra, and works out that she has arrived on Eternia 1000 years in the past.

The episode then embarks on a convoluted plotline about some idiot dressed in purple who wants to start a war between the local villagers and the dragons. I don’t know what the middle stage of this plan is, but the anticipated endgame is that the purple-clothed idiot will become ruler of Eternia. He burns down a tower full of food and blames it on the dragons, whipping the dim-witted villagers up into a warlike frenzy.

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Granamyr: “Nice to see that even 1000 years in the past, I still had a really goofy helmet.”

Tarben now reveals that he is the king, which doesn’t quite ring true given that earlier in the episode the villagers were chasing him around shouting insults at him. Surely they’d have greater respect for their king? Anyway, he pops off to stop the villagers and the dragons fighting, and She-Ra, disregarding the Temporal Prime Directive, goes to help. The rest of the episode showcases She-Ra’s efforts to stop the war, and it’s dull as ditchwater.

I hardly need to tell you that the war is averted, and I certainly don’t need to tell you how she does it, because it’s equal parts boring and stupid. The dragons and the humans make friends, the purple-clothed idiot disappears in a puff of purple smoke, and Granamyr comes up with a way to send She-Ra home so she can stop polluting Ancient Eternia with her self-righteous smuggery.

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Tarben: “This bit of Poundland bling will prove I’m king, no question.”

 

In today’s adventure…

Loo-Kee, who was hiding in a tree right at the end of the episode, pops up to tell us that Granamyr was absolutely awesome in He-Man, especially in The Dragon’s Gift, and that it’s a real shame he was subsequently relegated to appear in tripe like this. Oh, all right, no he doesn’t. Instead, he tells us that we shouldn’t try to blame others for our misdeeds, like the purple-clothed idiot tried to blame the dragons. I wonder if the writer of this episode tried to blame it on anyone else. I would have, if I’d written it.

 

Character checklist

I can barely be bothered to recount who turned up this week, but in the interests of completeness, I suppose I’d better tell you it was Adora, She-Ra, Swift Wind, Light Hope, Loo-Kee, Tarben, Brightstar, Granamyr, various dragons and villagers, Hordak, Modulok, Imp, the purple-clothed idiot, and a surprise reappearance for Lokus from Wizard of Stone Mountain. Though it’s possibly just a re-use of his animation. I don’t care either way.

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Purple-clothed idiot: “Maybe this serves as an origin story for Lokus, not that anyone wanted one.”

 

Insults

One of the villagers calls Tarben a “rotten dragon-lover”, and another says that dragons are “overgrown lizards”. Otherwise, there’s nothing to report here, except that the purple-clothed idiot repeatedly refers to the Lokus Animation Reuse as “slutty”. I’m not sure if this is a surprisingly extreme insult, a monumentally badly chosen name, or my notoriously unreliable ears playing tricks on me again.

 

Does it have the Power?

I found this episode deeply unsatisfying, and I’m not totally sure why. I think it’s largely that it seemed so pointless somehow; I don’t know why I should care about some extremely minor conflict between dragons and humans way back in Eternia’s past. If it had shown us something new about Granamyr’s character, perhaps demonstrating how he came to be so wise and powerful, then that would be a different story, but here he’s exactly the same as he was in He-Man, evidently not having changed at all in a thousand years.

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Adora: “There’s a perfectly rational explanation for this.”

The idea of stranding She-Ra in the past was a good one, but the episode didn’t really seem to go anywhere with it. She-Ra just behaves like she usually does, getting involved in silly situations and not putting any apparent effort into getting home. Tarben is a curiously poorly-drawn character (is he a king or a villager, and why does he like dragons when no one else does?) and the less said about the purple-clothed idiot, the better. I’d whole-heartedly recommend skipping this bilge.

Episode 60 – Anchors Aloft, Part 2

In which Sea Hawk’s father is barely relevant.

After a speedy recap of last week’s shocking events, we are plunged straight back into the action. Admiral Scurvy has decided to chain all the pirates up and leave them on the island for a prison ship to pick up later, but he is taking Adora and Spirit back to Hordak. The moment Scurvy departs, Sea Hawk emerges and rescues the pirates. For some reason, he dresses up in the Falcon’s burglar outfit in order to do this, seemingly only for dramatic effect.

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Sea Hawk: “God, I look cool.”

Once the pirates are free, Sea Hawk sets them all to work converting the Falcon’s vessel into a solar flying ship, similar to the one that got blown up last week. While they are so occupied, he goes to talk to the Falcon, who is skulking about at the back of the cave, refusing to reveal himself to the pirates. He explains that he is old and ill, and only kept alive by the enchanted air of the island. I don’t know how he knows this, since he doesn’t appear to have ever tried to leave the island, but we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.

Unfortunately, Admiral Scurvy has got word of the release of the pirates, and turns his ship around to return to the island. With remarkable good fortune, Swen and the pirates complete their work on the solar sails in time, and head out to confront Scurvy. Naturally, pretty much the same thing happens as last week, since Scurvy’s ship massively outguns that of Sea Hawk. This time, however, Sea Hawk has learned from his mistakes, and tells his crew to get the ship out of range while he boards Scurvy’s vessel.

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Sea Hawk: “Listen guys, you’re all really annoying, so could you just clear off out of the episode now?”

As the battle unfolds, Adora manages to get hold of her sword and transforms into She-Ra, then goes off to demolish the guns on Scurvy’s ship. In the meantime, Sea Hawk tackles an endless array of Horde Troopers, while Davy Jones has a Tom-and-Jerry-like encounter with Scurvy’s cat Squall. All this jollity comes to an end, however, when Scurvy manages to capture She-Ra.

Scurvy loads She-Ra and Squall into a lifeboat, and tries to distract Sea Hawk with a bar of gold, in the deluded belief that Sea Hawk would rather have the gold than a chance to get into She-Ra’s pants. Sure enough, Sea Hawk chooses to rescue She-Ra, and once Scurvy is defeated, Sea Hawk suddenly remembers he has to rescue Adora as well. This means She-Ra has to run off, turn back into Adora, and put herself back into her cell, in order to be rescued. They already did that joke last week. It’s still pretty funny for a repeat performance, though.

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Admiral Scurvy: “Yeah, it is a bit tacky, I suppose. I can see why you didn’t go for it.”

 

In today’s adventure…

No sign of Loo-Kee for me today, but if you want to know, he was in Falcon’s cave. He explains that we should never cheat in order to win a game or pass a test, a subject which I think has absolutely zero relevance to the story we’ve just sat through.

 

Character checklist

It’s exactly the same cast list as it was last week, and so I’m going to give myself the day off and not trouble myself to type it all out again.

 

Insults

In Part 1 of this story, Davy Jones was incredibly free with his zingers, so it’s rather surprising that this week, he doesn’t say a cruel word to anyone, except perhaps a Horde Trooper towards the start, but I couldn’t make out what was said.

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Davy Jones: “I’d insult Squall, but I would prefer to stay hidden.”

On the other hand, Admiral Scurvy has a lot to say for himself. He addresses Sea Hawk’s crew as “pirate scum” and “pirate dogs”, as well as calling a Horde Trooper a “stupid robot” and an “idiot”. Furthermore, his entire army of Horde Troopers get referred to as “fools”. He reserves his best insult for She-Ra, who suffers the burn of being called a “blasted flying female”.

Adora calls Scurvy a “monster”, and evidently likes the way it rolls off her tongue, since she does it again later. Swen scores one for the rebels by telling Scurvy he is the “meanest shark in the twelve Etherian seas”, and then follows up by addressing some Horde Troopers as “cowardly tin cans”. Finally, a Horde Trooper gets in an “insolent rodent” aimed at Davy Jones.

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Horde Trooper: “Bit of a disproportionate response to me insulting a mouse, tbh.”

 

Does it have the Power?

This episode is some good solid pirate hi-jinks, but I’d hesitate to describe it as a classic. It’s certainly got ambition, since it ends with a decent change to the status quo: Sea Hawk’s crew out-and-out join the Rebellion, rather than just helping them out from time to time, and they also have their new ship. For animation purposes, it’s lucky the new ship looks just like the old one, but still. We also have a glacial advance in Adora and Sea Hawk’s relationship, for those that like that sort of thing.

There’s the usual problem with reintroducing someone’s father, though: for some gibberish reason or other, the Falcon can’t possibly leave the island, so we’re free to forget about him. To be honest, after all last week’s build-up about him, this episode virtually ignores him, featuring him in only one scene, and mentioning him in just one other. Bit of a missed opportunity there, I’d say.

While having this story as a two-parter does allow it time to breathe, I have to say it’s not entirely necessary. I was never bored throughout either part, but I don’t imagine it would have been too challenging to condense it into a single episode. Still, I’d give both parts of this story a good thumbs-up, as it’s pretty enjoyable.