Episode 02 – The Beginning, Part 2

In which Prince Adam utters those magical words for the first time.

Prince Adam arrives back at the Palace, where Queen Marlena explains that they were attacked by Keldor and his forces. Man-at-Arms tries to persuade Adam that he must accept his destiny as He-Man, but Adam remains reluctant, and the two of them set off to join the other goodies at the Evergreen Forest, where they are attempting to force the baddies back to the Dark Hemisphere.

Queen Marlena: “Adam, get your face out of the foreground. No one wants to see you that much.”

Unfortunately, the battle isn’t going well. Stratos has dealt with Beast-Man, and Teela has managed to defeat Trapjaw, but we all know how easy it is to get the better of those two clowns. The real danger comes from Keldor, who manages to knock Randor to the ground, and then takes the time to dramatically pull back his hood to reveal his skull face and introduce himself as … Skeletor. That comes as quite a surprise, that does.

Skeletor demands to know the location of the Council of Elders, but Randor refuses to tell him, prompting Skeletor to kidnap Randor and take him to a desolate plateau. Faced with this situation, Adam turns and does a runner, heading straight back to Castle Grayskull. He is followed by Orko and Cringer, who regrettably in this incarnation does not have the power of speech, though his cowardly personality is still conveyed.

Once inside Castle Grayskull, Adam meets the Sorceress again, who conveys him deep within the castle’s walls to a vast vault, in which the Orb of the Elders is held. Adam now accepts his destiny, and the Sorceress presents him with his famous sword. Amusingly, Adam can barely lift it, but when he finally manages, he somehow knows exactly what he needs to say. We know it too, so come on, altogether now: “By the Power of Grayskull!”

He-Man: “Hey lads! Miss me?”

He-Man makes his triumphant entry, looking far more like his old self than he did in his dreadful street thug blue jeans incarnation that we’ve been watching for so long in The New Adventures. Hopefully, he’s also got a similar personality to that old neon-orange-haired rogue that we all love, but we’ll have to wait and see about that. For now, he contents himself with transforming Cringer into Battle-Cat, while Orko watches.

The Sorceress pipes up to explain that the Prince Adam/He-Man business must remain secret, and she at least tries to offer a sensible reason: the baddies having such knowledge would put Adam’s family and friends at risk. Well, yeah, but they’re already at risk, aren’t they, Sorceress dear? After all, Skeletor and his moronic mates have just spent the entirety of this episode attacking them, and something tells me he isn’t going to stop.

The Sorceress: “Did I overdo the Egyptian theme?”

He-Man accepts the Sorceress’ reasoning, for now at least, and barrels off out of Castle Grayskull to join Man-at-Arms, Teela and co. in their little set-to with Evil-Lyn, Tri-Klops, Mer-Man, etc. When he arrives, Teela is lying on the ground, so He-Man helpfully leaps into the fray, landing directly in front of her and thus giving her an unparalleled perspective up his loincloth. Judging by her surprised but not displeased expression, she’s relatively happy with what she sees.

In today’s adventure…

Today, we learn absolutely nothing. I’m at a loss to come up with a single lesson that anyone learns this week. Perhaps we should learn not to jump to conclusions? Teela assumed Adam was running away, but in actuality he wasn’t. On the other hand, Teela doesn’t know this, so we don’t exactly see the lesson being learned. God, it’s difficult when they’re not spelling it out to us.

Character checklist

The main characters today are Prince Adam, He-Man, the Sorceress and Man-at-Arms, but plenty of other folks show up, including Cringer, Battle-Cat, Orko, Teela, King Randor, Queen Marlena, Man-e-Faces, Mechaneck, Stratos, Keldor/Skeletor, Evil-Lyn, Tri-Klops, Trapjaw, Mer-Man, Whiplash and Clawful.

Whiplash: “I’ve bulked out a bit since you last saw me.”

Excuse given for Prince Adam’s disappearance

When Adam runs off to become He-Man, Teela sees him go and exclaims in disgust, “He’s turning tail.” Man-at-Arms doesn’t offer an excuse as such, simply saying, “Don’t judge him – yet,” which is sufficient to shut Teela up for now.

Insults

Prince Adam refers to Keldor and his forces as “lowlifes”, and Evil-Lyn describes Adam as a “coward”. Otherwise, that’s it for this week.

The Curse of the Tree Fellers

I’m only two episodes in and I’ve already noted a wanton disregard for Eternia’s trees. As I’m a civil servant in a relevant department, this concerns me greatly, so I’ve decided to keep a tally of how many trees are destroyed per episode and by whom, in an effort to discover whether Eternia is at serious risk of deforestation, and who should be prosecuted for it.

In an early fight scene, Keldor chops down three trees. This is followed by Whiplash ripping his way through one tree and lopping another one severely. Meanwhile, Evil-Lyn destroys Christ alone knows how many trees with a devastating spell. I’m loath to give this tally imprecise figures so early in the game, but I think we’ll simply have to say she destroys lots.

Evil-Lyn: “I’m reaching out to seize first place in this tree contest.”

Does it have the Power?

Who can resist the very first time Prince Adam becomes He-Man? The only comparable episode in the entire canon (to this point) is She-Ra Unchained, when She-Ra first appears, but let’s be honest – that’s nowhere near as good as seeing He-Man for the first time. The transformation sequence is done effectively and imbued with suitable gravitas, and the episode leads up to it believably by creating a scenario in which Adam would logically seek to gain extra powers, in order to help his friends.

Skeletor also reveals himself for the first time, which is very pleasing, and no doubt next week He-Man and Skeletor will have their first barney, so I’m rather looking forward to that. Other than showing off his skull, though, Skeletor doesn’t do a whole lot this week, and it’s Evil-Lyn who gets the character development on the baddies’ side, establishing herself as a very powerful and dangerous sorceress. I like.

The whole thing drags ever so slightly in the middle, as perhaps three minutes or so of the episode is given over to a battle scene which consists almost entirely of people jumping around like fleas and blowing rocks up. It’s okay this once, but let’s not make a habit of such extended scenes please. Otherwise, I’m happy to give this one another hearty thumbs-up.

Episode 01 – The Beginning, Part 1

In which we finally learn what’s so great about Castle Grayskull.

And so from He-Man’s last stand on Primus, we now come right back to his very origins. I recalled the Mike Young Productions (MYP) incarnation of He-Man billed itself as going back to the beginning and telling the story leading up to the events depicted in the Filmation series (though in actual fact, no such statement was ever made – thanks for the correction, Jukka!). At any rate, as several MYP episodes are irreconcilable with Filmation ones, I think it’s probably best to see this series as a reboot.

Whether a reboot or a straight origin story, though, we begin many years ago, at a time when Eternia is racked by a fierce civil war. Captain Randor, accompanied by his loyal soldiers Man-at-Arms, Stratos, Mechaneck and Ram-Man, is attempting to defend the Council of Elders from an attack by Beast-Man, Mer-Man, Evil-Lyn, Trapjaw and Tri-Klops – a team which is led by Keldor, a blue-skinned lunatic who also happens to be Randor’s brother. In the course of the battle, Keldor receives a facefull of acid and suddenly loses all interest in fighting, but he is rescued by Beast-Man and escapes with his posse.

Keldor: “Never liked you, Randor. You were always Mother’s favourite.”

Randor sends his men to chase the baddies away, but he himself remains in the Council Chambers. The Council members, however, have gone, and only the voice of the Sorceress remains, informing Randor that his men will have the victory, Randor will become king, and peace will come to Eternia – for a time. Then, a hero will emerge to defend Eternia. This is precisely the sort of specific information that the Sorceress should have been dishing out during The New Adventures, not vague claptrap like “look with your heart, not with your eyes”.

From this point, we zoom forward to the modern day, and meet Prince Adam and Teela. They both look like they’re about 16, and Teela clearly uses an awful lot of hair spray to keep her hair in that rigid shape. It’s Adam’s birthday, and nonetheless he’s going through one of those interminable training sessions. He inevitably comes a cropper, and demands to know why he even has to do training, since the forces of evil no longer exist.

Teela: “Maybe my hair is stupid, but I still look better than when I appeared in Once Upon a Time.”

On this point, Adam is wrong. If he were right, this would be the most boring series ever. But since he’s wrong, it’s now time to meet the baddies again. They all live in Snake Mountain, sealed on the Dark Hemisphere of Eternia behind a Mystic Wall, and thus unable to cause any trouble. All that, however, is set to change: the baddies’ leader has invented a device to destroy the Wall. I’m saying “the baddies’ leader” because he’s remaining swathed in shadows at this point and we’re obviously not supposed to know who it is. I think we’re all well aware of this individual’s identity, but just to play along, I’ll keep it mysterious too.

The Wall-demolishing device works admirably, and the villains finally escape from the Dark Hemisphere. Their first move is to return to the location of the Council of Elders, presumably to finish off whatever they were trying to do all those years ago. But to their surprise, the Council Chambers are gone; the mysterious leader learns from a terrified merchant that the Chambers simply disappeared one day.

Mysterious baddy: “Who could I be?”

The Sorceress immediately telepathically contacts Man-at-Arms, who reacts as if he’s got a sudden migraine. As a result of this communication, Man-at-Arms extracts Prince Adam from his birthday party and takes him to Castle Grayskull, a location that Adam only considers to be an ancient ruin, rather than anywhere of significance.

Once again, he’s wrong. Inside, he and Man-at-Arms meet the Sorceress, who explains that after Randor defeated Keldor’s forces, the Council of Elders transformed themselves into a mystical orb, an orb which now possesses all the magic of Eternia and is kept inside Castle Grayskull. I assume the Council of Elders did this in order to keep the magic safe, but it seems a fairly extreme step.

Prince Adam: “I’ve always wanted to know, Man-at-Arms, what’s with that stupid shoulder accoutrement?”

The Sorceress concludes by informing Adam that the Mystic Wall has been destroyed, and that the day has come when he must be transformed into He-Man, the defender of Eternia. Adam remains unconvinced and runs away, but as he arrives back at the Palace, he finds that it has come under attack. The episode ends with a close-up on his none-too-pleased face.

In today’s adventure…

This series doesn’t have a moral segment attached to the end of each episode, which is a bit of a shame, but I think it’s because it’s aiming for the subtle approach, rather than the hammer-on-the-head method adopted by Filmation and The New Adventures. It makes my job more difficult, because it means I have to watch the episode carefully and filter out the moral lesson from the story. I think we’ve learned this week that if you’re planning to throw acid at your brother, you need to make sure that he’s not going to pull out a shield which will result in the acid landing on your own face instead. Even if we haven’t learned that, Keldor definitely has, but it’s a little late for him to do anything about it now.

Character checklist

This series presents more of an issue for listing characters than the previous ones, since it seems rather given to having loads of people show up and just hang out in the background. You’ll have to excuse me if I miss anyone. Anyway, today we’ve got Prince Adam, Cringer, Teela, Man-at-Arms, Orko, the Sorceress, King Randor, Queen Marlena, Man-e-Faces, Mechaneck, Stratos, Ram-Man, Keldor, Beast-Man, Evil-Lyn, Trapjaw, Mer-Man, Tri-Klops, Whiplash and Clawful. And no doubt many more besides.

Beast-Man: “Hey look, I’m much bigger than I used to be!”

Excuse given for Prince Adam’s disappearance

This episode is probably unique in that it’s the only one in the entire canon that features Prince Adam but not He-Man. On reflection, there’s almost certainly an episode of She-Ra that fits this bill as well, but I’m not interested in being corrected on this score. Anyway, my point is that Adam doesn’t disappear, so it would be weird if he gave an excuse.

Insults

Orko does a little bit of play-acting with Man-e-Faces, in the course of which he calls him an “evil beast”, though it’s clearly not meant unkindly. On the other hand, Evil-Lyn’s subtle reference to Beast-Man as “vermin” is definitely not polite. And finally, our mysterious baddy leader calls Tri-Klops, Whiplash and Clawful “fools”, which should be the only clue we need as to his identity.

Egg on your face?

Orko’s a regular character for us again, and you know what that means, don’t you? That’s right – food being thrown at peoples’ heads. Orko achieves being onscreen for about 30 seconds before he detonates a sibyl pudding all over himself. I’d love to say it’s nice to be on familiar territory again, but this is one hangover from Filmation that I would argue didn’t need reviving.

Orko: “This isn’t an annoying habit, is it?”

Does it have the Power?

Maybe I’m just overjoyed to be back on Eternia, with all the characters I love best, but this episode was an absolute delight for me. Not only does it introduce us to the series setup efficiently and effectively, it also finally explains – to a degree, at least – what’s so great about Castle Grayskull. Filmation was always a bit vague, referring to “the secrets”, whereas here we learn that Grayskull contains the collected magic of the Elders. No wonder the baddies want to get their paws on it.

So this opening episode gives us an Eternian history lesson, reintroduces us to the concept of Randor being disappointed in his carefree son Adam, treats us to exciting action aplenty, and does it all with a healthy dose of humour and a clear reverence for the old series. If I had just one complaint, it’s that it hits us with pretty much all the characters at once, rather than introducing them gradually. While it was great to see Whiplash, Clawful, Mechaneck and Man-e-Faces (well, maybe not Man-e-Faces), they didn’t contribute much, and could have been held back for later. I don’t mind, because I know who they are, but anyone new to He-Man in 2002 might have found it rather overwhelming.

But who cares? We’re back on Eternia, He-Man’s about to emerge, and there’s so much to look forward to! Yes, this episode has the Power, and lots of it.

Series Summary

So, after watching all 65 episodes of the most maligned chapter of He-Man’s history, what do I think? I think my attitude at the early stages was easy to divine – I wasn’t a fan, despite really genuinely trying to like it. There were moments when I seriously considered giving up. I’m very glad I didn’t, because there are real gems here, though I do think that overall the series is problematic, for a number of reasons.

The first such reason is He-Man himself, who unfortunately I didn’t like. He came across as a playground bully on more than one occasion, and very rarely seemed to have the good humour and strong moral core that his original incarnation did. When this He-Man did demonstrate morals, it always seemed to be with a holier-than-thou attitude that quickly became grating.

He-Man: “All right lads?”

Linked closely to He-Man is my second major problem with the series, which is the series’ over-reliance on magical solutions. Now, this is a difficult one, because of course Filmation’s He-Man and She-Ra were deeply rooted in magic as well, but – in most cases – there seemed to be a degree of internal consistency. In The New Adventures, the solution to some pretty thorny problems often consisted simply of He-Man shouting “I have the Power!” which operated like a kind of intergalactic trump card, making him win instantly and indisputably. It rather drained the tension somewhat. You’d be watching and instead of thinking, “How the hell is he going to get out of this one?” you’d think, “He’s going to draw that bloody sword and start bellowing in a minute.”

The third problem, which I think is shared by many people, is the scientists. Jesus Christ, they were annoying. I’m sure an awful lot of you will be itching to know the final score in the scientists’ little game where they competed for points to find out who was most infuriating, and I can here reveal that Elcon was the supreme victor with 33 points, Gepple came second with 27, Meldock was in close third with 25, and Krax proved the most innocuous with a mere 15. This is largely because Krax hardly ever appeared, and when he did, he remained largely silent.

Gepple: “It should have been me!”

In fairness, the deus ex machina problem and the scientists problem did lessen as the series went along, especially the scientists, who barely appeared at all in the last 15 episodes. The series in general did seem to find its feet, and I really noticed a vast improvement in quality once the planet Necron was introduced and the focus turned away from Primus. Most of the episodes from Balance of Power onwards were very good, and as noted, I really enjoyed the multi-part finale.

One of the things I really did like about this series was the increased sense of continuity. Filmation’s He-Man was incredibly episodic, and though She-Ra did feel a little more linked together, The New Adventures very definitely had a series direction and worked towards it. There may have been some missteps along the way, but far more so than with the other series, there’s a sense of a story here, which begins and ends satisfactorily.

If I’m going to single out a specific character for praise, it’s got to be Skeletor, which will come as no surprise to those people who know me. He’s got enough of his previous personality to be familiar, but this incarnation has a real edge to him, feeling like he’s only balanced precariously on the rim of sanity. His sarcasm is much appreciated, and he elevated many a dull episode.

Skeletor: “I’m honoured.”

So, before we move on to the 2002 Mike Young Productions cartoon, it’s time for me to select my top 5 and bottom 5 episodes of The New Adventures. Here we go …

Highlights

On re-reading my reviews for this section, I came across a pleasingly large number of episodes that I really enjoyed, and compiled a shortlist of about 15. It was rather difficult to narrow them down to the remaining five, which is something of a testament to the strength of this series. Interestingly, very few of these episodes came from the tail end of the series, even despite my statement that I felt there was a marked improvement in quality from Balance of Power onward. It’s strange that though the series in general was better towards the end, my nominees for actual individual highlights mostly came from the middle of the run.

5. A New Beginning – This has to be included for giving us a pleasingly competent introduction to the series, quickly explaining the concept of Primus, the Mutants and the Galactic Guardians, and also creating an instantly winningly mental incarnation of Skeletor. The icing on the cake, though, comes with Adam’s touching farewell to King Randor and Queen Marlena.

Queen Marlena: “Still wish I wasn’t so hunchbacked.”

4. The Final Invasion – If the first episode took fifth place, the last episode deserves fourth. It contains a fantastic scene when Skeletor finally shows his true colours to Flogg and the Mutants, and it also deserves a big thumbs-up for the fact that a plot twist actually caught me by surprise, for I think the only time in the entire series.

3. You’re In the Army Now – A great exploration of Prince Adam’s character, on a series not exactly full of character moments for Adam. It’s the only time that his absence during a baddy attack has actually come back to haunt him, and as such it’s a very different and entertaining episode.

2. The Bride of Slush Head – But if you want entertaining, you’ve got to watch The Bride of Slush Head. Aside from Rock to the Future, it’s the only time this series chose to loosen up and try something refreshingly round the twist, and it’s hugely appreciated. Very funny, and with a surprising amount of heart to it.

1. Four Ways to Sundown – And here we have what has to be the most stunningly innovative episode in the entire He-Man canon. It’s a simple concept: the same story is told from four different perspectives, showing the viewer very clearly how the memory can cheat and making a powerful statement on the value of eyewitness testimony. Hugely entertaining.

He-Man and Skeletor: “For once, we agree.”

Lowlights

I compiled a fair old list of these as well, though only 9 truly stood out as dreadful, most of which came pretty early on in the series. In general, when it wasn’t good, the series hit a low-level mediocrity rather than being teeth-grindingly awful, which is pleasing. Still, the following episodes did prove memorable, for all the wrong reasons.

5. Queen’s Gambit – A prime example of an episode that has no reason whatsoever to exist, and just serves to annoy the viewer with unwarranted bollocks about the power of the good and the way of the magic. The stupid gibbering about drugs in the moral segment didn’t help either.

4. The Galactic Guardians – Hello, consumer. Buy these toys. Buy them now. Yours sincerely, Mattel. PS. Would you like an interesting story, perhaps one which gives you any kind of reason to become invested in the characters these toys represent? Well, tough titties.

He-Man: “We’re all available at the very reasonable price of $5.99 each. Except Gepple and Krax, but who’d want them?”

3. The Heat – This one was the middle episode of the opening 5-parter, and it gave us a thoroughly unwelcome 20 minute examination of exactly why the scientists are among the most grating characters in all of fiction. It didn’t progress the overall plot, and instead focussed on four infuriating idiots shouting at each other in nails-on-a-blackboard voices. No thanks.

2. He-Man in Exile – This one was also the middle episode of a 5 part story, and it was by turns dull and annoying, mostly falling on the annoying side of the scales. Everything about it rubbed me up the wrong way, most notably the scientists, the Sorceress and He-Man himself. I seem to recall thinking at that point in the series that perhaps I ought to just walk away.

1. He-Fan – But the absolute worst episode came towards the middle of the series, with this instalment, which was unfortunately painful to watch. I know Arlene was written to be annoying, but the writer succeeded all too well, resulting in an episode that I came to despise within all of two minutes. Ironically, even the most dedicated He-Fan would be well advised to skip this one.

He-Man: “We are very much not amused.”

Conclusion

I think it would be a little strong if I said I were sorry The New Adventures is over, but I equally wouldn’t be sorry if there were a second season to watch. It’s a decent series that doesn’t deserve its poor reputation, though I can’t in good conscience say that I absolutely loved it. Let’s see if the Mike Young Productions adventures fare any better …

Episode 65 – The Final Invasion

In which I learn not to criticise things before I’ve seen the end.

Oh, good God. This episode opens with He-Man and his merry band of idiots preparing to return to Primus, but Royka and Muldon capture them and place in a cell in the underground complex where the monsters were last week. If the writer of these episodes is still reading these reviews, he must have been laughing his absolute arse off when I complained last week that this would have made a better twist. Seems I fell for it, hook, line and sinker.

So, with our heroes captured, Royka and Muldon are generous enough to show up and explain what’s really going on. The underground complex is known as the Zoo of Champions, and the Galactic Guardians are the prize exhibits. In fact, they’re currently the only exhibits, given Skeletor released all the other exhibits last week.

He-Man: “Me and the lads, we’re not impressed with this turn of events.”

The Mutant mothership is orbiting the planet, monitoring communications. On learning that the Galactic Guardians are safely locked up, Flogg suggests an attack on Primus, which sounds like a splendid notion. Skeletor is slightly concerned about He-Man’s inevitable escape, but he comes up with a plan to counter that pretty smartish, and punctuates it with some demented laugher.

Skeletor is quite correct, of course: He-Man busts his way out of the cell in the very next scene, and he and his friends barrel up to the surface, where they quickly locate the Starship Eternia. There’s just time for a touching goodbye with Royka and Muldon, who explain that all they really wanted is for people to be their friends. Such a good plan, guys: lock people up in your basement and claim you want to be friends. There’s nothing creepy about that at all.

Flipshot: “So guys, while we’re locked in this basement, why don’t we entertain ourselves by drawing a moustache on Spinwit?”

He-Man suggests that maybe Royka and Muldon should just try being nice to people, which seems not to have occurred to them. They enthusiastically promise to give this simplistic advice a try, and so our heroes zoom off to save Primus. And not a moment too soon: the mothership has rendezvoused with the rest of the Mutant fleet, as well as Critta and the Gleanon space force. Together, the baddies defeat Levitan and land ground troops all over Primus.

Luckily, Mara and the Mites are on hand to fight back against Critta and the Gleanons, but they’re not an awful lot of use and get defeated very quickly. He-Man and the crew of the Starship Eternia are now the only hope for Primus – but they’re still a considerable distance away. Wondering what he can do, He-Man receives a telepathic communication from the ever-helpful Sorceress, who advises him that his destiny is to participate in the battle. Well, whoop-de-do.

The Sorceress: “You didn’t think I’d miss my last chance to show up and be pointlessly cryptic, did you?”

True to the Sorceress’ word, the Starship Eternia arrives back at Primus just as Master Sebrien is about to surrender. The tables are quickly turned, and Skeletor does a runner, while Flogg, Slush Head and Quake come out with their hands up. Flogg even agrees a treaty with the Galactic Guardians, promising that he and the Mutants will never again attack Primus.

Naturally, this peaceful resolution doesn’t go down well with Skeletor, who reappears in a puff of smoke. He finally reveals his true colours to Flogg, making it clear that he’s been using the Mutants all along, and is exasperated that Flogg has now simply given up. The erstwhile allies confront each other – but just as Flogg is about to shoot Skeletor, Critta intervenes to save him. Flogg and the other Mutants depart, while Skeletor teleports himself, Critta, He-Man and Mara to the ruins through which Dreadator chased Drissy and Caz some time ago. See, I was paying attention.

Flogg: “This close-up of me is a little much.”

So, Mara and Critta have themselves another of their little catfights, while He-Man and Skeletor throw rocks at each other. Eventually, and not unexpectedly, Skeletor and Critta end up trapped in a small spaceship together, which He-Man then hurls into outer space. He-Man declares that Skeletor is finally defeated, and peace is restored to Primus.

Meanwhile, out in space, Skeletor declares that he will return one day to defeat He-Man, which we all know is not quite correct, since this is the final episode of this series, and I’m pretty sure the remaining series’ we have left are all reboots. Anyway, Skeletor also finally succumbs to complete insanity and laughs crazily as the episode fades out. I’m sure Critta must be pleased she’s trapped forever with this giggling maniac.

Critta: “Oh God, what have I done?”

In today’s adventure…

The only moral lesson we learn this week is that if it’s the final episode of the series, there doesn’t need to be a moral lesson. Which is fine, since if there had been one, it would undoubtedly have been all about drugs anyway, which would have got on my tits immensely.

Character checklist

In this finale, we’ve got He-Man, Hydron, Flipshot, Spinwit, Kale, Mara, Master Sebrien, Caz, the Sorceress, Skeletor, Critta, Flogg, Slush Head, Quake, BH, Optikk, Hoov, Royka, Muldon, and naturally the Mites and the Gleanons. And not the scientists, who have made a rather ignominious departure from the series.

Master Sebrien: “Well pleased Netflix have finally added The New Adventures of He-Man.”

Excuse given for Prince Adam’s disappearance

I can’t remember when the last time Prince Adam appeared was. I wish I’d known at the time that we wouldn’t be seeing him again. I’d have waved him goodbye.

Insults

We’re treated to quite a lot of insults this week, starting with Slush Head daringly describing Flogg as a “moron” and an “imbecile”. Flogg simply tells him to shut up at the time, but he later on exacts his vengeance by calling Slush Head a “worthless lily-livered lizard”, which is an excellent insult that I shall try to work into my everyday conversation. Flogg also refers to some of the Galactic Guardians as “puny”, but gets his comeuppance later when Skeletor calls him a “fool” and a “coward”. And finally, Skeletor calls He-Man a “big boy”. Now, it may just be me, but it sounds like the voice actor puts an unnervingly erotic edge to his voice with this line, which conjured up a whole mental place that I didn’t want to go to.

Skeletor: “You don’t have to haul such big rocks around to impress me.”

Does it have the Power?

Without a doubt. It’s nice for me to be proven wrong so extravagantly. I felt so stupid when the twist came at the beginning of this episode and it turned out that Royka and Muldon did have an ulterior motive after all. I think it’s the first time I’ve really been blindsided by this series, and it was a very pleasing feeling. Perhaps the resolution to this storyline came a bit too quickly; it seems a little unlikely that Royka and Muldon would simply decide to be nice people, but it wasn’t a massive problem, since we had to fit a lot more into this story.

I do have to wonder, of course, whether the news of the series’ cancellation came unexpectedly to the writers. The plot with Royka and Muldon and the Games could easily have been stretched out to fill the second half of this episode too, and it would most likely have made a very satisfying season finale. It feels as though perhaps this was the original plan, but when it emerged there would be no second season, the writer amended this episode to finish the series.

It’s a pretty satisfactory wrap-up, only suffering slightly from seeming a little rushed. I really liked it that Flogg and the Mutants knew when they were beaten and agreed to surrender; there may well be hope for them. In contrast to Skeletor’s henchmen in Filmation, the Mutants have rarely seemed actively evil, just a bit misguided – especially Slush Head.

Flogg: “I hereby promise to never be evil again.”

I also, of course, loved Skeletor finally breaking cover and telling Flogg what he really thought of him. I do wish we’d had a bit more time for this part of the episode, since I was really enjoying it and it was over too fast. He-Man and Mara having their final confrontation with Skeletor and Critta was great, and Skeletor’s ultimate fate was very pleasing.

This episode is an excellent end to The New Adventures of He-Man, finishing all of the dangling plotlines effectively, while still leaving the series open to a possible return. If you’ve stuck through the series this far, you certainly won’t be disappointed in its end.

Episode 64 – Flogg’s Revenge

In which He-Man’s dinner gets interrupted.

Oh right. Contrary to my evidently ill-informed claim at the end of last week’s episode, the Games storyline hasn’t ended. We begin this week with the hosts – who are called Royka and Muldon – presenting the Galactic Guardians with laurel wreaths and inviting them to dinner. For quite a while, I thought Royka was called Riker, which conjured up unwelcome memories of everyone’s favourite sleazy first officer of the Starship Enterprise.

He-Man: “Finally, someone recognises my awesomeness.”

Anyway, this may come as something of a surprise, but Skeletor hasn’t taken losing the Games in a good grace. Instead, he’s formulated a new and non-too-subtle plan: while the Galactic Guardians are having their dinner in the Great Hall, he will send an astrosub packed with transium ore on autopilot to crash into the Hall, thus causing an enormous explosion and wiping out He-Man once and for all (TM).

As He-Man and the others eat, they become aware that Royka and Muldon are hiding something: something to do with other inhabitants on the planet. Skeletor, Flogg, Hoov and Quake – who are inexplicably hanging around outside the Great Hall, rather than getting on with their plan to blow it up – discover a trapdoor and a ladder leading underground, and being of a curious bent, decide to descend to check out what’s down there.

Skeletor: “Have we accidentally wandered into an episode of TMNT?”

Intriguingly, they discover a huge underground complex, full of small cells in which alien monsters are being held. There’s also an old man who guards the cells, and it doesn’t take long before Skeletor bullies him into handing over the keys. The Mutants unlock the cells, set the monsters on the rampage, and depart, only then getting round to firing the astrosub at the Great Hall.

Royka and Muldon detect the astrosub’s approach, but before Team He-Man can fly off to intercept, the alien monsters show up in the Great Hall. He-Man amusingly says, “Who are these guys?” as if they’re a bunch of uninvited guests who’ve crashed a party, rather than a rampaging mob of ravening beasts, and Royka explains that they are prisoners from previous attacks on the planet. Once that’s been established, it’s time for a good old rumble, which of course our heroes win.

Kale: “This is the last time I let Flipshot talk me into going on a double date.”

With the aliens subdued, He-Man, Hydron and Flipshot take the Starship Eternia into the air to try to stop the astrosub. He-Man is of course instrumental here: he leaps from the Eternia onto the astrosub and brings it to a safe landing. He considers that to be the end of that, but the Mutants start shooting at him, keeping him busy while Skeletor and Flogg enter the Great Hall and take Kale, Spinwit, Royka and Muldon captive.

Skeletor gets on Facetime to inform He-Man of the prisoners, and offers to fight He-Man in the arena. If He-Man wins, the hostages will be freed; if Skeletor wins … well, he doesn’t specify what happens then, presumably because he’s got a pretty good idea what the outcome will be. And so it proves: He-Man defeats Skeletor with ease, and our heroes return to their interrupted dinner.

He-Man: “It’s cold now.”

In today’s adventure…

He-Man advises us that though competing with others is good, it’s most important to have fun, rather than being so focussed on winning that you end up hurting yourself. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that this is borderline relevant to today’s story, which makes for a very special occasion indeed.

Character checklist

Here we have He-Man, Hydron, Flipshot, Spinwit, Kale, Royka, Muldon, Skeletor, Flogg, Hoov, Quake, and of course the guard of the alien monsters. Who could forget him?

He-Man: “Come on gang, look cool. This is a great photo op for our 2022 calendar.”

Excuse given for Prince Adam’s disappearance

He’s not seen or mentioned, and he’s only got one more chance to appear. So exciting!

Insults

Flogg calls Spinwit a “dimwit”, which is such an obvious choice of insult that I’m astounded it hasn’t been used before. Hoov addresses one of the alien monsters as an “ugly one” and describes another as “strong, but not too bright”. And He-Man seems to have figured out that it’s okay to call Skeletor a “bonehead” before the watershed, since he’s doing it virtually every week by now.

Does it have the Power?

It’s decent, don’t get me wrong, but it could have been a lot better. The scene at the dinner table when our heroes deduced that Royka and Muldon were hiding something about other inhabitants on the planet was pretty sinister, and since it then cut to Skeletor and co. discovering a jail full of aliens, I was beginning to suspect that Royka and Muldon had been holding the Games for many years and capturing the victors for some nefarious purpose. This would have been a great twist, but instead the episode went for a very simple explanation which just led to yet another He-Man/Skeletor confrontation that had absolutely no tension to it, since we all know that Skeletor’s never going to win. So let’s call it a bit of a missed opportunity, but for what it is, there’s nothing wrong with it.

Bonus Update: The Lost Episodes of The New Adventures of He-Man

Well, would you believe it? I’ve unearthed the plots to some undeveloped episodes of The New Adventures of He-Man. And just in time for April Fools’ Day. What a coincidence. Right – on the off chance that anyone besides me finds this funny, here we go:

He-Man 1990

A freak wormhole opens in the space-time continuum, and a copy of the He-Man: 1990 Annual falls through it. Flogg suffers a major identity crisis, given he is referred to throughout the annual as Brakk, and he can’t work out which is his real name.

The Library of Biblos

In the greatest library in the universe, Prince Adam is working as the librarian – but occasionally he gets flashes of another life, a life in which he has a secret identity as He-Man, Protector of Primus. Plagued by enigmatic telepathic communications from a weird bird woman calling herself the Sorceress, Adam must work out what has happened to him and which life is his real one! (Spoilers: it’s not the one where he’s a librarian.)

Flipshot’s Felony

A newsflash arrives in Master Sebrien’s office, informing him that Flipshot is wanted by the intergalactic police. Flipshot must clear his name – or be taken to the most notorious jail in the Tri-Solar Galaxy! Notably, He-Man, Hydron and Master Sebrien do nothing to help Flipshot, on the basis that he’s a dick.

Cassandra

When the Sorceress’ messages suddenly start making sense, He-Man begins to suspect that Skeletor is intercepting her communications and refashioning them to suit his own purposes.

What’s the Good of the Power, if Magic is not the Way?

He-Man decides to revamp his stupid catchphrase, resulting in an unexpectedly deep – if entirely meaningless – question. While the inhabitants of Primus ponder this philosophical puzzle, they forget to turn their shield on, leaving the planet open to a Mutant assault…