He-Man – Masters of the Universe Review Site

Until next time…

Posted on March 4, 2024 by owenmorton

Having now enjoyed the final on-screen adventure of He-Man and his mates, I think it’s worth taking a moment to reflect on the journey we’ve taken together. We’ve seen the highs and the lows of Eternia, Etheria and Primus; we’ve met some outstanding characters and some awful loons; we’ve watched episodes of sheer genius like The Problem with Power, and episodes of irredeemable gibberish like The Bibbet Story; and of course we’ve learned some very important moral lessons – primarily that we should stay the hell away from drugs.

Ileena: “Don’t remind me about my drugs problem, please.”

Series Summary

Posted on February 25, 2024February 20, 2024 by owenmorton

Looking back at Revelation and Revolution.

Okay… what to say about Revelation and Revolution? I think my thoughts have been fairly clear throughout: they’re exciting and ambitious, if occasionally somewhat flawed, entries into the Masters of the Universe franchise. Trying to update He-Man for an adult audience is a tough ask: it’s an inherently silly concept, and there’s a danger in making it aimed at adults that you’ll simply take all the fun out of it, or make it actively embarrassing.

Revelation, more than Revolution, fell into this trap: episodes like Land of the Dead felt tedious where they were trying to be scary, and the less said about the Evil-Lyn/Skeletor seduction scene, the better. I still have PTSD from that one. The grand finale, with Evil-Lyn destroying Preternia and messing about with the celestial apex, made absolutely no sense to me, and in trying to raise the stakes to the survival of the entire universe, I found the series became considerably less interesting.

Revolution, on the other hand, really leaned into the sort of thing that I would want from a more adult-oriented version of the franchise: we’ve got action, we’ve got high stakes, we don’t know if all the characters will survive, but it keeps itself grounded without going down the mystical road. With the exception of Teela’s Preternia business – which, to be honest, wasn’t dwelt on too much – the plotline was understandable and pretty relatable: the old “evil uncle tries to dominate the kingdom resulting in a sudden abolition of the monarchy and the instantaneous development of democracy” is a classic fairytale, after all.

Skeletor: “Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.”

Speaking of evil uncles, I’m always ambivalent about this interpretation of Skeletor: frankly, I think he’s better when he’s a demented demonic sorcerer rather than an undesirable member of the royal family. (My lawyers have advised me at this juncture against making jokes about Prince Andrew.) But this series manages to have its cake and eat it: making Skeletor into Keldor, having forgotten his origins thanks to his already-established background with Hordak – who even, with Adora, has previous with brainwashing – is a very clever way to allow him to be both Keldor and the extradimensional demon, or at least believe he is. And if it gives William Shatner the opportunity to pop up to chew the scenery, so much the better.

And there’s a decent link into discussion of the voice acting: Revelation and Revolution gathered an excellent cast (and Alicia Silverstone) to give life to these characters, and there’s little I’d quibble with in this department. Some people had an issue with Buffy being Teela in Revelation, but she didn’t bother me, though I’ll grant that Melissa Benoist probably did a better job when the recasting for Revolution rolled around. The Queen Marlena recast, adding Gates McFadden, was also an excellent move.

Queen Marlena: “I really am a lot better now, aren’t I?”

With that disjointed little ramble behind us, I’m sure what we’re really all here for is my highlights and lowlights list. As with the CGI series, we’ve got very few episodes to work with, so I’m going to limit myself to a Top 3 and a Bottom 3. Even that’s going to be a challenge, I suspect.

Highlights

3. The Power of Grayskull

This one gets a spot on the list for its excellent action-packed story. It’s great to see such a faithful updating of the 1980s series, and then for the series to suddenly up the stakes in such an unexpected way by offing both He-Man and Skeletor really made me sit up and pay attention. Not without its problems – King Randor acts like a complete tool, for example – but despite them, it’s an almost perfect sequel to Filmation.

Cringer: “Who doesn’t love some Filmation-style Orko shenanigans? I don’t, that’s who.”

2. Reason and Blood

Perhaps He-Man and Skeletor’s most epic showdown ever, with the added edge that one of them is now a god and the other is an out-of-control savage. All that action is great, but it’s really the touching reunion with King Randor – in which he shows his heartfelt love for Prince Adam – that makes this a true series highlight.

1. Even For Kings

Possibly this is the recency effect, but I found Even For Kings a genuinely touching outing: the death of King Randor is dealt with extremely sympathetically, and it’s great to see the series think of an another unexpected direction to take the story. In a short five-episode run, it would have been easy to gloss over the emotional stuff, but the writers took the time to deliver a fairly quiet opening episode that shows the depth of the characters’ relationships. Very good.

King Randor: “I may be dying, but I’m quietly smug that I got a mention in the summary of each of the three best episodes.”

Lowlights

3. The Gutter Rat

Mostly fine, but contains the most misjudged scene in the entire franchise. You know which one. It’s lucky the rest of the episode is decent enough, because otherwise this would be the absolute bottom of the heap.

2. Comes With Everything You See Here

The Revelation finale earns its spot simply because it’s too overblown: I lost interest as soon as Evil-Lyn started pointlessly trying to destroy the universe, and I couldn’t give a monkey’s about watching her and Teela flying around shooting energy bolts at each other. This abstract nonsense was the focus over He-Man and Skeletor’s big battle, and I just found it difficult to care.

Teela: “Any idea what’s going on here? No, me neither.”

1. Land of the Dead

Land of the Dead was what no other episode of this series was: dull. Yes, okay, the last five minutes were great, but we had to sit through 20 minutes of pointless cod psychology between Teela and Scareglow before we got there. Shooting for ominous and landing squarely on boring, this one was my absolute least favourite of the entire run.

And next?

Well, that’s that: there’s no more Masters of the Universe to review at the moment. There seems to be some jabber about a third run of this Revelation/Revolution business, and allegedly the live-action film is back on track (again), but we can’t expect to see any more content for several years. Of course, I’ll review anything new that comes along, but for now, the last post will be next week, when I do a little overall summary of the whole franchise to date, which will probably be even more of an incoherent ramble than my usual. Bet you can’t wait.

Episode 5 – The Scepter and the Sword

Posted on February 19, 2024 by owenmorton

In which meaningful democratic representation comes to Eternia.

Okay, so we start off with some sort of swirly vortexy thing in which Teela is suspended, flipping between the various guises of Sorceress, Snake Goddess, and Weird Demon. Evil-Lyn is trying to do something about it but can’t because she doesn’t have enough power, so it’s lucky that Orko and Gwildor choose this moment to show up holding the newly-upgraded power sword. Adam charges into the maelstrom, transforms into a new and really sleazy version of He-Man, and for good measure transforms Teela into a new version of herself too. Then they kiss! Hurrah! We’ve been waiting for this since at least the end of The Problem with Power, and probably longer.

Teela: “Is now a good time to mention I preferred the way you looked before?”

After a cringe-inducing interjection from Evil-Lyn – of which no further mention shall be made – He-Man dishes out the assignments: He-Man will cure the populace of the nanovirus and confront Skeletor, Teela is to carry on with her Preternia repair work, Man-at-Arms and Andra are to tackle the Horde, and Orko and Evil-Lyn are to fuck off somewhere out of sight and hopefully never darken our screens again.

He-Man’s job goes relatively smoothly: heading over to Grayskull, he quickly sorts out the nanovirus problem and then gets into a pummelling contest with Skeletor. This quickly extends to an almighty ruckus in which our various heroes come up against lots and lots of machines which I believe might be Monstroids – and, sadly, Granamyr shows up to the fight in order to get killed while protecting Teela. Luckily, Teela just manages to restore Preternia in time, and thus I assume Granamyr’s soul gets to go there and hang out with Wun-Dar and those various other knobs.

King Grayskull: “Bet you’re dead pleased to see me again, eh?”

Well, speaking of said knobs, it’s now time for the souls of everyone who ought to be in Preternia to put in an appearance, and several of them – including King Randor – join in the fight to give Skeletor a good battering. Once they’ve done that, they pose merrily in front of Preternia like an advert for an assisted living facility. Despite a last-minute attempt on Skeletor’s part to send King Randor to Subternia, He-Man settles matters once and for all by stabbing him with the power sword, which – presumably thanks to the nanovirus-combating upgrade – transforms him back into Keldor.

Returning to the ruins of the Palace, He-Man gives a speech in which he decrees that from now on, Eternia is a democratic republic and that the monarchy is no more. He pronounces “monarchy” in literally the most hilarious way I can think of to say it, but no one calls him out on that: they’re too busy celebrating their newfound freedom of self-government. They won’t be celebrating for long: Andra announces her intention to run for president, and I can’t imagine anyone will be that keen to vote for the person who developed the second wave of the nanovirus. Unless she’s planning on keeping that to herself and waiting for the inevitable scandal when the FOI request goes in.

Queen Marlena: “So, exactly what practical governmental experience do you have, Andra?”

But let’s not focus on that: instead it’s time to check in with He-Man and Teela, who wander off through the ruins of the Palace discussing their future, as all the populace cheer them. They make plans to live together at Castle Grayskull, presumably still doing a fair bit of Masters-of-the-Universing when the fancy takes them: Skeletor may be defeated for now, but he is, after all, only one of the many megalomaniacal loonies hanging around Eternia with unpleasant intentions…

In today’s adventure…

Okay! After my heartfelt wish last week (about getting a post-credits “in today’s adventure” sequence), today we kind of get one! It’s delivered by Zodak, though, so it’s hard to get too excited about it. He addresses the camera to intone that today we learned about balance, but before he goes off on some random tangent, he seems to catch himself and makes his little monologue a bit more plot-related, thanking Evil-Lyn for her services and welcoming her to the ranks of the Cosmic Enforcers. Bet she’s thrilled.

We then end with a little sting in which we learn that an unidentified woman has recovered Hordak’s body and is using Horde Prime’s technology to restore him to life. She then gibbers on for a little while about heading back to Eternia to gain revenge on Skeletor and He-Man, but I expect that we’ll have to wait another two years or so before we get any development on this plotline.

Character checklist

For this final outing to Eternia, the cast list is Prince Adam, He-Man, Cringer, Teela, Man-at-Arms, Orko, Andra, Evil-Lyn, Queen Marlena, Gwildor, Granamyr, King Randor, Buzz-Off, Ram-Man, Snout Spout, Rio Blast, Fisto, Clamp Champ, Moss-Man, Roboto, the Sorceress, King Grayskull, Wun-Dar, Vikor, He-Ro, Stonedar or Rokkon (whichever), Skeletor, Zodak, and the unidentified woman who I suspect is probably Adora. The vast majority of these people don’t speak though, so don’t worry, it’s not a complete overload.

Rio-Blast: “Just showing up for one last hurrah before my inevitable relegation back into obscurity.”

Insults

Skeletor’s on the down today: all the insults – which are few and far between – are either addressed to him or directed at him behind his back. He-Man opts for “numbskull”, King Randor goes for “bully”, and Teela’s choice is “psychotic bad guy”.

Does it have the Power?

Yep – very satisfactory. It’s a well-handled round-up of the various plotlines that have developed throughout Revolution, and it’s to its credit that everything gets resolved neatly – halfway through, I was thinking this series was too sprawling to work within the confines of five episodes, but this last one does manage to finish things up nicely. And with an epic He-Man/Skeletor confrontation followed by He-Man and Teela finally finally getting together, no less.

He-Man: “I’ve wanted to do this for a long time, tbh.”

If I had to quibble, I’d say that the Eternian Independence Day business was goofy in the extreme, and it feels like a rather simplistic political transition which is liable to devolve into chaos. Let’s just say I have the sneaking suspicion that nobody’s bothered to write a constitution – although, on reflection, maybe they’re better off without a political system designed by halfwits like Man-at-Arms.

But when all’s said and done, this episode is a fun conclusion to Revolution, and the preceding Revelation series. Whether it’s the final stop, or whether we have a concluding batch of episodes dealing with that last-minute Potential Adora business, I can’t say, but if it is the end, it’s a fitting one. Good stuff all round.

Episode 4 – The Dogs of War

Posted on February 13, 2024 by owenmorton

In which Rio Blast tries and fails to be intimidating.

Skeletor kick things off with a gibbering monologue directed at Prince Adam, in which he explains that yes, he is Keldor and no, he didn’t remember that he was Keldor until Motherboard unlocked his memories. Good to know, for those of us who were on the edge of our seats about that. He finishes up by explaining that he’s going to carry on being right nasty for a while, though he’s fairly non-specific about exactly what he’s going to do, and then shoves Queen Marlena into Adam’s prison cell before wandering off.

Skeletor: “Loving my new skeleton/king/Borg mash-up outfit.”

It’s at this point that Teela bothers to rejoin the main narrative: she and Evil-Lyn arrive at Eternos, where Teela wants to rescue Adam, while Evil-Lyn thinks they should steal Skeletor’s Havoc Staff so they can use the combined power of something or other to defeat Hordak. I think this has to do with that falcon, snake and goat malarkey that we saw back in Hope, For a Destination, but I don’t know because I’m easily distracted during conversations about that sort of thing.

Anyway, Teela probably shouldn’t interrupt Skeletor right now, because he’s indulging in a nice little rebellion against Hordak. He’s begun by ripping Motherboard’s head off and presenting it to Hordak in a box – always has a taste for the pointlessly dramatic, does our Skeletor. This naturally doesn’t go down well with Hordak, who responds by trying to beat Skeletor up, resulting in an epic confrontation that goes on for much of the rest of the episode and ends with Skeletor stabbing and killing Hordak. So long, you prize porker – we barely knew you.

Hordak: “Oh bloody hell, this is embarrassing.”

Meanwhile, perhaps trying to make up for her epic fuck-up last week, Andra shows up in the dungeons to rescue Prince Adam, Cringer and Queen Marlena, and she leads them to safety outside the Palace. Here they reunite with Teela, Evil-Lyn and Man-at-Arms, who’s dolled himself up in a smart new suit in an effort to distract himself from the gaping hole in his soul. While most of the gang merrily beat up some Horde Troopers (plus Ram-Man, Buzz-Off, Snout Spout and Rio Blast, all of whom are infected with the nanovirus), Evil-Lyn quickly nips off and quick as a flash, nicks the Havoc Staff from Skeletor. As the episode ends, Teela blends the Havoc Staff with the Zoar staff and a snakey staff, then hovers in the sky shrieking.

In today’s adventure…

Yay – it’s classic Filmation stuff! Queen Marlena rabbits on for a while about how love, courage and the willingness to fight for what’s right are the most important types of power. I know I’m like a broken record, but really, if the writers are going to lean this hard into the Filmation-style messaging, why couldn’t they just give us an actual “In today’s adventure” segment? I think it would actually make my heart burst with joy.

Prince Adam: “You know, mother, it’s much easier to take you seriously now you’re not Alicia Silverstone.”

Character checklist

This Eternian excursion features Prince Adam, Cringer, Teela, Man-at-Arms, Andra, Evil-Lyn, Queen Marlena, Orko, Gwildor, Buzz-Off, Ram-Man, Snout Spout, Rio Blast, Skeletor, Hordak, Grizzlor, Mantenna, Leech, Motherboard, and everyone’s favourite, the endless ranks of Horde Troopers. Skeletor’s alter ego, Keldor, also shows up fairly regularly, and there’s a quick flashback appearance of King Miro.

Insults

Keldor describes Motherboard as “metal mummy”, which sounds insulting enough to warrant listing here. I’m really not sure what to make of Gwildor calling Grizzlor, Mantenna and Leech “clondorks”, but since he prefaces it with “mangy”, I think we can take it that this is an insult. We’re on safer ground with Hordak calling Skeletor a “fool”, and with Skeletor’s retaliatory volleys of “tool” and, a little surprisingly, “prick”.

Gwildor: “I realise it looks like I’m trying to kill Orko, but that’s honestly not what’s happening, officer.”

Does it have the Power?

I’m at a bit of a loss as to what to write other than “enjoyable”. This episode is a good solid romp, with good action setpieces that don’t overdo it. Skeletor’s fight with Hordak perhaps comes close to being overblown, but thanks to its cross-cutting with the backstory of Hordak’s apprenticeship of Keldor, it manages to remain grounded: these two may be mega-powerful demons wielding awesome magic and scientific gimmickry, but at heart they’re a teacher-pupil relationship gone awry.

Similarly, Teela’s story spells out her motivations – she may want to restore Preternia, but it’s largely because she cares so much for Prince Adam; and Adam’s response is that Teela doesn’t have to restore Preternia just for him – all he cares about is that Teela is with him. It’s a touching step forward in their relationship, only slightly marred by the implicit suggestion that if Teela and Adam didn’t want to enjoy a little private time, then King Randor’s poor doomed soul could go hang.

Teela: “Why are you wearing a suit even my dad would be embarrassed to put on?”

So yes, this one is a good instalment. I have a sinking suspicion that what with Teela’s newfound magic staff blend, we’re heading for a mystical bang-bang-pow-pow grand finale next week, but let’s stay optimistic and hope that we’re steering away from any silly universe-ending shenanigans, eh?

Episode 3 – More Things in Heaven and Eternia

Posted on February 7, 2024 by owenmorton

In which the Horde capture Castle Grayskull.

Skeletor and Motherboard report in on their progress to Hordak, who cheerfully indulges in a few piggy snorts for old time’s sake before telling them to continue. Afterwards, Skeletor starts hearing Captain Kirk’s voice in his head, before getting a vision of Keldor. The vision explains that Skeletor really is Keldor, even though he doesn’t remember it, and goes on to imply that Skeletor ought to betray the Horde and rule Eternia in his own right. I’m sure that clever little scheme hadn’t already occurred to Skeletor, who – let’s not forget – lives and breathes deception.

Speaking of deception, Skeletor now returns to Eternos and suggests that He-Man lead an attack on Snake Mountain. Once He-Man’s out of the way, he takes Andra aside, suggesting to her that she could work on developing an antidote to the nanobot virus: an antidote that will use the same technology. What he doesn’t tell Andra, but what is patently obvious to the viewer, is that this antidote will have basically exactly the same effect as the original virus. Andra merrily agrees and runs off to begin work.

Skeletor: “Fancy the opportunity to do something really stupid, Andra?”

Man-at-Arms and Orko are off on their own little quest: they’ve taken He-Man’s sword to be modified so that its power can cure everybody infected by Skeletor’s nanobots. The best person they can think of to make these improvements is Gwildor, that little Labyrinth wannabe from the Masters of the Universe film, who is an individual I honestly hadn’t expected to see again. Expected or hoped, tbh. Gwildor spouts a whole load of absolute gibberish, before eventually promising to try his best.

Orko: “Don’t you realise how dangerous it is to have the three most irritating characters in the franchise together in one room???”

He-Man arrives at Snake Mountain and entertains himself by beating Spikor, Whiplash and Webstor up, but soon discovers that Skeletor’s not at home. Thanks to Skeletor’s endless need to show off, He-Man quickly deduces that he’s allowed himself to be distracted. Too late now though: Motherboard has penetrated Castle Grayskull’s defences, a Horde armada has appeared in the Eternian skies, and – perhaps most concerning of all – Andra has completed her nanobot antidote and accidentally infected the entire populace. Fuck’s sake, Andra. That’s not going to look good on your next performance appraisal.

Meanwhile, in the background, Teela’s story continues: this week Evil-Lyn trains her in the use of Kaa magic, and also has a little chat with her suggesting that maybe she ought to get together with Prince Adam. That’s great advice, Evil-Lyn, but I think Prince Adam’s got more on his mind right now than getting his rocks off with Teela: he has, after all, been captured by the Horde and dragged inside the newly redecorated Castle Grayskull, where he learns to his horror that Keldor is Skeletor and that therefore Skeletor is his uncle. Consequently, if he is currently thinking about getting it on with Teela, he’s probably also musing that the invite list for the wedding is going to be an awkward discussion.

Teela: “I like not being in the series’ main storyline. Gives me way more time to relax.”

In today’s adventure…

Nobody’s helpful enough this week to address the camera to dispense a pearl of wisdom, which means I’ve got to work it out myself. Let’s perhaps concentrate on Andra: our moral could be that if something’s gone wrong and someone suggests making things less wrong by doing something that will probably make things more wrong, then perhaps that’s wrong. Or, to put it slightly more coherently, don’t double down on a mistake.

Character checklist

This one features Prince Adam, Cringer, He-Man, Battle-Cat, Teela, Evil-Lyn, Man-at-Arms, Orko, Gwildor, Andra, either Rokkon or Stonedar (the blue one – can’t remember which is which, and the episode doesn’t name him), Skeletor, Spikor, Whiplash, Webstor, the Keldor-vision, Hordak, Motherboard, Mantenna, Grizzlor, Leech, and multitudes of Horde Troopers. There’s also an exciting return for Skeletor’s robot bird, Screech, who I have to confess I’d forgotten all about.

Mantenna: “No trapdoors here, I’m pleased to note.”

Insults

There’s a whole load of insulting going on here, much of it springing from the ever-fertile lipless mouth of Skeletor. Our favourite skeleton begins by referring to the entire populace of Eternia as “suckers”, narrows things down to the royal family with the classic “royal boobs”, and gets properly specific by describing Prince Adam as “Little Lord Look-at-my-abs Adam”. After all that, he then finds time to diss Gwildor with the phrase “random troll”. Orko also puts the boot into Gwildor, calling him a “Thinarian warbat” (whatever that is), and Gwildor retaliates by addressing Orko as “half-pint” and “shorty”. Evil-Lyn attempts to get Teela’s goat by describing He-Man as her “lumbering love”, and it seems to work: Teela responds with a furious “heinous vicious witch” and “malicious enchantress”. Finally, He-Man triumphantly addresses Skeletor as a “numbskull”, which might have been effective if Skeletor had been in the room at the time.

Does it have the Power?

The opening scene is excellent: it reintroduces us to Hordak and his various minions, all of whom are actively frightening in a way that Skeletor’s crowd never have been. I genuinely did love the Filmation version of Mantenna, but by God his modern interpretation is fantastically terrifying. Grizzlor and Leech, meanwhile, were both complete nonentities back in the day, so it’s great to see them actually getting the chance to be scary.

Leech: “Always thought it’s scarier to not show my face.”

The remainder of the episode is a step down, but still fun: the meat of the story comes with Skeletor’s trickery, which comes to a pleasing triumph here. If I’m honest, I feel that Andra should perhaps have voiced some concerns about using nanobots to fight nanobots, but we’ve only got five episodes so need to barrel through the story, I suppose. The shorter run of this series is, in fact, my main complaint: it feels like the story is progressing extremely fast, giving it very little room to breathe. We’ve now only got two episodes to wrap the whole thing up, and it feels like we’re barely getting going.

Still, if my biggest problem with this series is that there isn’t enough of it, that can’t be a bad thing. Looking forward to seeing how all our various storylines resolve themselves. Except maybe Gwildor’s storyline: I wouldn’t mind if he vanished back into the void for another 37 years.

Episode 2 – Ascension

Posted on February 1, 2024 by owenmorton

In which Granamyr steadfastly refuses to be helpful.

We open with a brief flashback to Randor’s childhood, in which it’s explained that Keldor is the bastard son of King Miro (remember him? Last seen randomly sloping around Etheria) and a woman from Anwat Gar (a location of which I do not need reminding). Although Keldor is older than Randor, his illegitimate status means that he will not be able to succeed to the throne, so Miro and his queen, Amelia, decide that it’s kinder to send Keldor back to Anwat Gar.

Cutting to the present, Keldor is telling Adam this story, and finishes up by noting that shortly after his return to Anwat Gar, Eternia was attacked by the Evil Horde, and it was thought that Keldor died in the battle. He’s now back, but in direct contradiction to what he said last week, he claims not to want the crown. It would presumably occur to Adam to ask what the bloody hell he does want then, but the two of them are distracted by a massive explosion in the city.

Prince Adam: “Do you think they’ll make an action figure of me in this goofy outfit?”

When Man-at-Arms explains that the attack is coming from Skeletor, Adam welcomes the opportunity to escape the politics and go to pummel his old nemesis for a while. Transforming into He-Man, he confronts Skeletor, who’s hanging out in the streets monologuing about how he and Motherboard are restoring the technological wonders from Eternia’s distant past. This essentially means digging up old robots and setting them to run amok in Eternos, and as such, He-Man isn’t cool with it.

While He-Man pursues Skeletor into an alley and learns that he can use the power sword to cure people who are infected with Motherboard’s nanobots, Keldor successfully leads the defence of the city against a giant robot, and as such, it’s he who is feted as the hero in the aftermath. This offers He-Man an easy way out from the “can I be king AND champion?” dilemma, and he decides to crown Keldor as Randor’s successor. As the episode ends, we learn that Keldor is in fact Skeletor in disguise. Who’d have thought it, eh.

Skeletor: “That’s King Skeletor to you, mate.”

Meanwhile, Teela has made her journey to Darksmoke, where Granamyr greets her with the revelation that he’s dying. Teela responds with the information that Randor is dead, so the two of them indulge in a quick pity party before getting to the point: Teela would like Granamyr’s help in restoring Preternia, using Kaa magic.

This sensible request is interrupted by the sudden appearance of Evil-Lyn, who explains that her messing about with the celestial apex is the reason for Granamyr’s impending doom. It’s lucky that she’s shown up: Granamyr refuses to grant Teela the Kaa magic, until Evil-Lyn joins in to help convince him. At this point, Granamyr hands over a snaky staff and Teela transforms into a weird green Snake Teela individual and hisses directly at the camera, which is a bit rude of her, tbh.

Granamyr: “Yeah, I didn’t give you those powers just so you can go round hissing at people.”

In today’s adventure…

“It’s not about what you hold in your hand, but what you hold in your heart,” says Man-at-Arms, portentously. God knows what he’s talking about. While on the one hand I can well imagine him uttering this nonsense at the end of a Filmation episode, on the other I’d simply like him to piss off.

Character checklist

It’s like the good old days: our leads here are Prince Adam, Cringer, He-Man, Battle-Cat, Teela, Man-at-Arms, Orko, Andra, Skeletor, Evil-Lyn, Keldor and Granamyr. There are also non-speaking appearances for Queen Marlena, Buzz-Off, Snout Spout, Trapjaw, Tri-Klops, Clawful, Webstor, Two Bad, Motherboard, and in flashback, there’s King Miro, Queen Amelia, a young Randor and a young Keldor.

He-Man: “Would it really be such an abuse of the power of Grayskull if I lopped Man-at-Arms’ head off?”

Insults

Not loads going on here, but can’t complain: Teela draws a full 75% of the insults, with Evil-Lyn referring to her as a “little bird” and a “simpleton”, and Granamyr opts for the classic “fool”. Elsewhere, He-Man’s diss of “Skeletech” for Skeletor needs work, frankly.

Does it have the Power?

I’d say there’s nothing to get too excited about in this episode, but it’s entertaining enough: it’s fun to see another incarnation of Keldor, and it seems I was wrong last week when I said he wasn’t Skeletor. Not quite sure what I was smoking when I made that bold claim, if I’m honest: it’s hardly a surprise revelation. Still, it’ll be interesting to see where we go with a disguised Skeletor on the throne: let’s find out if he’s subtle enough to keep the pretence up for more than five minutes. Quite fun too that the secret identity business has been kind of reversed: maybe if we’re lucky I’ll need to start up a new section called ‘Excuse for King Keldor’s disappearance’.

Elsewhere, Teela’s subplot feels entirely disconnected from the main story at the moment – though I daresay it’ll all marry up in the end – and I can’t say I was that enthralled with this version of Granamyr: his refusal to help followed by his about-face all felt very by the numbers. He-Man’s discovery that his sword can cure the Motherboard tech virus is pretty ho-hum too. So, yeah, it moves the story along, but I’d be lying if I said I thought it was a highlight.

Episode 1 – Even For Kings

Posted on January 26, 2024February 15, 2024 by owenmorton

In which it’s the end for King Randor.

If, like me, you’ve forgotten virtually everything that happened in Revelation, you might be hoping for a little recap. We don’t get one though, other than some very vague portentous spoutings, which are pleasingly punctuated by a disembodied Skeletor head laughing while superimposed over Castle Grayskull, just like in the Filmation credits. Love it. I would also be remiss if I didn’t suggest that Skeletor has literally laughed his head off.

He-Man: “Reckon this would look good on the back of some action figures?”

Christ – we’re not going to get anywhere if I write a whole paragraph about every 30 seconds of this episode. Let’s move on. The story begins in Subternia, where Prince Adam and Orko have travelled to beg Scareglow to allow the souls of Fisto and Clamp Champ to ascend to Preternia. Scareglow inevitably refuses this polite request, and this gives way to a big old barney with lots of cameo appearances from all manner of people, including non-entities like Rio Blast. Yeah, I had to look him up too.

Anyway, our heroes get what they want and escape Subternia carrying Fisto’s fist and Clamp Champ’s clamp, which I assume will allow them to head up to Preternia. We’ll all recall – and if we didn’t, Scareglow did helpfully remind us – that Evil-Lyn destroyed Preternia while on her little rampage, so I’ll assume the gang have a plan for that too. In the meantime, the celebrations are rather muted by King Randor suddenly collapsing. Uh oh.

King Randor: “Could you please stop He-Manhandling me?”

The prognosis is dire, and on his deathbed, Randor expresses his love for Marlena and for Adam, and then decides that now is the best moment to give Adam some dating advice re Teela. I suppose if not now, then when, but it still feels like an odd moment to choose. Anyway, he then rambles onto suggest that when Adam becomes King of Eternia, he’ll have to give up being He-Man, because kings can’t just “abandon their subjects for high adventure”. Randor seems to be ignoring the fact that he was along for the ride on the little jolly against Scareglow earlier this episode; I expect Adam or Marlena would call him out on this, but he continues with a rambling monologue that only comes to an end when he pops his clogs.

Over to Teela now, who’s trying to restore Preternia to ensure that Randor’s noble soul can get there. Unfortunately, her magic isn’t up to the task, so she pops down to Castle Grayskull’s basement, where she’s keeping the spirit of the old Sorceress. Perhaps keen to escape the basement, the Sorceress offers a hint: Teela will have to call on the magic of Zoar, Havoc and Kaa (presumably not the one from The Jungle Book). This will mean going to Darksmoke, a location which Orko remarks gives him the creeps. No doubt this is because – as we’ll all remember – Darksmoke is the home of Granamyr, who persistently arranges for Orko to be imprisoned inside large pots.

Sorceress: “Don’t think that just because I’m dead I’m going to stop dispensing pointlessly cryptic advice.”

We close at Randor’s funeral, where Adam is attempting to give a touching eulogy. He just about manages, though staggeringly it seems he hasn’t prepared anything and just does it off the hoof. Not really the time I’d have chosen to wing it, but hey, you do you, Adam. Anyway, the funeral is disrupted by a blue chappy who introduces himself as Keldor, Randor’s brother and the true heir to the throne. Before we can get any more deets, the episode ends.

In today’s adventure…

Orko is kind enough to explain that asking people who love you for help isn’t wrong, which is as plain a moral segment as I ever saw. I surely can’t be alone in wishing that these bits would come at the end of the episode, addressed directly to camera and followed with the cheerful gibberish “Until next time!”

Orko: “Say, Teela, is now a good time to ask whether you like my new outfit?”

Character checklist

It’s a real character bonanza today: we get Prince Adam, Cringer, He-Man, King Randor, Queen Marlena (who’s now voiced by Gates McFadden rather than Alicia Silverstone, which is a far better choice), Man-at-Arms, Teela, Orko, the Sorceress, Ram-Man, Buzz-Off, Snout Spout, Rio Blast, Andra, Keldor and Scareglow. We also meet a doctor in the Royal Palace, who I think did get a name but which I didn’t catch, and Stratos gets a quick non-speaking cameo at King Randor’s funeral. Finally, there’s a brief check-in at Snake Mountain, where we see Two Bad and Tri-Klops, before there’s a grand entrance from Skeletor, who’s now been fully converted away from magic and onto technology, thanks to Motherboard, who is working for – who else? – Hordak. Got all that? Good.

Insults

Maybe I wasn’t paying attention, or maybe the scriptwriters were slacking off, but as far as I noticed, the only insults were “thieves” and “usurpers”, which is how Scareglow addresses Adam and Randor. I get why he’s calling them thieves, but usurpers seems just odd.

Scareglow: “I’m so scary I don’t have to make sense.”

Does it have the Power?

Yes, indeed it does. It’s a very nice little episode which really takes the time to explore the strength of the relationship between Randor, Marlena and Adam, just at the moment that relationship is coming to an end. Okay, so I’m not quite sure I agree with Randor’s deathbed conclusions that Adam will be unable to be both the King and He-Man, but there’s no question that the scene is well-written and animated, and touchingly performed by all the voice actors. Sad as I am to see King Randor go, it’s a great direction in which to take the storyline, taking us into almost brand new territory – especially given this last-minute intervention from Keldor, who presumably in this continuity is not Skeletor.

Prince Adam: “Is Owen going to have to learn to type ‘King Adam’ now?”

The opening action sequence with Scareglow is entertaining – though frankly I could have done without a return from this pound-shop version of Skeletor – and doesn’t go on too long, leading us nicely into the main story. Teela appears to be getting her own subplot, focussed on restoring Preternia: this smacks of the mystical sort of gubbins that I’m rarely interested in, but if it means we get a return from Granamyr after all these years, then count me in for now. We barely get any time with Skeletor today, but clearly we’re building to something with him and Hordak, and there’s enough going on in this episode for the brief scene at Snake Mountain to serve to whet our appetite without leaving us feeling short-changed.

So – long story short, yes, this is a very good instalment, that leaves me very keen to see where the story goes next. It’s good to have the series back.

Series Summary

Posted on January 22, 2024January 24, 2024 by owenmorton

So here we are at the (presumed) end of yet another Masters of the Universe series, and that means that once again it’s time for me to try to come up with something profound to say about it. I think that in this case – which is that of the Netflix CGI series, if that’s not immediately apparent – it’s only fair for me to say little more than that it gets a hearty thumbs up. This series is pretty much everything I could have wanted from a modern update of He-Man – it takes the original concept, sticks closely to it in some respects, and gives it a completely fresh perspective in others.

Prince Adam: “So, what, I have to share the power with you doinks?”

Although one of my favourite aspects of the original series was the secret identity business – especially when it was utterly ludicrous, and only a brain dead idiot wouldn’t have been able to work out that Prince Adam was He-Man – I think it was a good move for this series to ditch that approach to enable what’s perhaps the most substantial revamp: the sharing of the Power of Grayskull between the whole team. This was a change that really allowed this series to develop the concept of friendship and shared responsibility, and upped the stakes when Krass took the wrong path.

As usual, of course, my favourite character was Skeletor: I think it’d be a very strange Masters of the Universe series that managed to topple him from his pedestal. Once again, he’s completely unhinged, with some of the series’ best comedic moments springing from his winning combination of desperate power-craving and magnificent pettiness. I’m sure some may cry “character assassination” in the episode in which he sulked because he was having a rubbish birthday, but I just laughed my head off.

Other characters were also fantastic: Cringer’s update gave him an adoptive parent role which reminded me of Giles from Buffy, but he also displayed a quite substantial amount of humour, particularly when – as happened more often than you’d expect – he was left in charge of driving various vehicles. Stratos, too, was hilarious: his overconfidence twinned with a complete lack of ability almost invariably made me chuckle.

Not every character was perfect, naturally – Duncan, given his pedigree as Man-at-Arms, tended to get on my nerves a bit, and Orko was generally his usual irritating self. Teela and Man-e-Faces didn’t do a lot for me, and neither did Beast-Man or Trapjaw. But the true low point was Gary the stupid butterfly, who added nothing to the series except a constant low level of tedium whenever he was on screen.

Evil-Lyn: “I could do us all a favour and send this clown to another dimension.”

But I expect what we’re all here for is my breakdown of favourite and least favourite episodes. Given there were only 26 episodes, choosing five standouts and five complete misfires would be a bit challenging, so I’ve decided to limit myself to three of each. Arguably I’m just being lazy, so feel free to chime in with suggestions for episodes that should have but didn’t make these lists.

Highlights

3. The Sword of Grayskull

The opening episode of this series remains one of my favourites: it’s such an impressive beginning, which establishes the series premise efficiently and entertainingly, making it accessible for both kids who are newcomers to the franchise and bitter old cynics like me. I can’t speak for the kids, but it won me over within seconds, and by the end I was seriously considering this the best He-Man series since Filmation.

2. Meanwhile…

Inevitably, my top picks are going to be Skeletor-heavy outings, and this one is perhaps his best showing in the whole series, perfectly capturing his delusions of grandeur and low-level pettiness. The whole thing is kicked off because Skeletor wants everyone to celebrate his birthday, which just shows how demented it is. Hilarious, despite the extended presence of Duncan.

1. Eternia 3000

I think it’s impossible to describe just how much I enjoyed this episode. As well as being a fairly important episode in the overall series arc, it’s a perfectly ridiculous story in its own right. The scene in which He-Man and Skeletor are forced to ballroom dance while being overly polite to each other is perhaps one of my favourite moments in the entire franchise. This one’s a real triumph.

Cringer: “Yes, yes, leave the driving to the guy without opposable thumbs. Sensible, sensible.”

Lowlights

3. The Haunting of Castle Grayskull

In my review of this one, I said there was nothing wrong with this episode, so it may come as a surprise to see it filling out the third slot. It surprises me too – basically, the quality of this series is so high that there were only two episodes which I thought were serious misses, which means the bronze medal has to be taken by an episode that was wilfully average i.e. this one.

2. Orko the Great

Long-time readers will be aware of my deep-seated antipathy to Orko, and his early episodes in this series didn’t do much to change matters. In fairness, his appearances later on weren’t nearly so annoying, but this one – in which he was introduced – reminded me of all Orko’s crushingly irritating features, while also contriving to introduce some new ones. Coupled with Duncan being really annoying too, there really wasn’t much to enjoy in this one.

Orko: “Hi guys! Miss me? … No, of course you didn’t.”

1. A Very Hungry Dragonfly

There was never going to be any other episode snatching this top spot: A Very Hungry Dragonfly is, in my book, the series’ only serious misfire. Gary the dragonfly never came close to being either engaging or amusing, and most of the episode consisted of pointless magic fighting which got really boring really quickly. To make things worse, Gary continued to recur in later episodes, which meant I couldn’t simply forget about this one.

Time for a revolution…

We’ve all heard that soundbite from the trailer, so I thought I might as well use it: it’s time for a Revolution. Specifically, it’s time for Masters of the Universe: Revolution, the long-awaited sequel to Revelation, which is premiering on Netflix later this week. It feels weird to finally be in a position where I can review episodes shortly after they appear. No promises as to how quickly I’ll do it, but I’ll try to have at least one of them up by next week.

Episode 26 – The End of the Beginning

Posted on December 28, 2023December 20, 2023 by owenmorton

In which Skeletor’s evil plans are foiled.

Skeletor – now transformed into a massive flying demon thing, but still boasting his characteristic cackle – comes barrelling across Eternia, aiming straight for that magical barrier that Duncan and co. erected last time. This barrier is rendered instantly useless, since all Skeletor needs to do is fly over it, though oddly he settles for shouting a few taunts and then flying away again, muttering something about remaking the universe in his own image.

Skeletor: “Nice wall you’ve got there, guys. Be a shame if someone were to simply fly over the top of it.”

Teela, Duncan, Evil-Lyn and Trapjaw give chase, hoping to stop him before he’s able to begin that sort of nonsense. Unfortunately, if predictably, they’re too late: Skeletor opens some sort of portal to the Heart of the Universe and enters it. Evil-Lyn inexplicably disappears from the episode at this point, while Trapjaw chooses this moment to demonstrate that he’s not too bright by betraying the team, and embarrassingly ends up being taken off to the Palace dungeons by Orko.

In the meantime, Teela and Duncan rejoin Prince Adam, Cringer and Krass in the ruins of Castle Grayskull. After berating Adam for being an idiot at the end of last week’s episode (though not for nearly long enough, in my opinion), Teela points out that to undo the chaos now spewing into Eternia from Skeletor’s silly portal, the team will need to recover the sword. Glad you’re around, Teela – I doubt anyone would have thought of that otherwise. Even so, our heroes now spend a bit of time pontificating about how they’re still really powerful and how they now know themselves for who they really are. That’s great, guys. Well done.

Prince Adam: “Yes, yes, I know I’m a moron. Let’s not dwell on that.”

Once they’ve finished doing that, they enter the portal to the Heart of the Universe and interrupt Skeletor in the middle of a completely nonsensical monologue. There follows a tense and exciting battle, in the course of which He-Man recovers the power sword and, through the power of teamwork, the gang use it to cut Skeletor’s arm off, thus robbing him of the Havoc Staff and converting him back into Keldor.

Eternia and the rest of the universe are restored to normality, and our heroes return to the Palace in triumph, bringing Keldor with them. As Keldor is despatched to the dungeons, he utters a cryptic warning about some other incoming threat, which becomes much more explicit a moment later, when Hordak shows up to say a polite hello to Evil-Lyn. I’m sure we’ll see more of that next time, not that there is a next time.

Hordak: “Oh well, at least I’m in Revolution.”

In today’s adventure…

Krass explains that power isn’t about the power itself, but how its wielder uses it. This is a fairly muddled way of saying that if you’ve got any power, you should use it to do good things, and all I can really say is that it’s a bit of a shame Krass didn’t realise this considerably sooner.

Character checklist

You’ll be unsurprised to learn that the team today consists of Prince Adam, He-Man, Cringer, Teela, Duncan, Krass, Orko, King Randor, Skeletor, Evil-Lyn, Trapjaw, Beast-Man and Tri-Klops. Man-e-Faces gets a non-speaking cameo, and as noted above, Hordak appears in the final 30 seconds, claiming to be Evil-Lyn’s dad. That’s a part of the lore I didn’t know, got to admit; seem to recall something from the MYP series about the Faceless One being her dad. Maybe she’s like Bow and has two.

Insults

Beast-Man again refers to Cringer disparagingly as “kitty”, but otherwise it’s over to Trapjaw, who calls Teela and Duncan “brats” and says that these same two, plus Evil-Lyn, are “losers”. Evil-Lyn retaliates with a succinct “dolt”.

Trapjaw: “One last insult for the road?”

Does it have the Power?

Another winner here, and full marks to it for somehow managing to go for the apocalyptic end-of-the-universe storyline so common to recent incarnations of Masters of the Universe and still make it exciting and relatable. It’s lighter on the humour than many episodes, and the plot is pretty thin, but it’s all held together by a genuine sense of fun and camaraderie; more than any series since Filmation, I feel that the CGI cartoon has that elusive sense of heart. It’s been a great ride; here’s hoping that this episode isn’t the last, though as it’s been more than a year now, it sadly probably is.

Episode 25 – The Beginning of the End

Posted on December 22, 2023December 20, 2023 by owenmorton

In which Duncan’s new catchphrase needs work.

As so often happens in various Masters of the Universe incarnations, Skeletor celebrates his victory by making a holographic state of the union address to the people of Eternia, detailing his deranged plans for their futures. In this case, as he does so, Krass looks on, with the dawning realisation that she’s made a massive mistake, especially once Skeletor reveals that the entire population of Eternia will be transformed into either Dark Masters or monstrous slaves.

Skeletor: “I’ll be the first to admit my audition to be the sun in the Teletubbies reboot needs work.”

Luckily, Duncan has a theory that the Power of Grayskull and Havoc are basically the good and evil sides of the same coin, so with that in mind, all that’s needed to prevent Havoc spreading across the surface of Eternia is to build some magic towers imbued with the Power of Grayskull. Sounds a bit like a plot device to give everyone else something to do while He-Man thumps Skeletor, but okay, let’s go with it.

Unexpectedly, the first step is for Teela and Duncan to recruit Evil-Lyn and Trapjaw to help out with the tower building, so at least there’s the chance we’ll get a bit of snark during this process. As it turns out, though, there’s very little snark, or indeed dialogue of any kind, except Duncan shouting “I am a builder!” which might have the same sentence structure as “I have the Power!” but is inarguably less exciting. No matter: job’s a good’un, and a nice big wall is erected to stop the incoming tidal wave of Havoc.

Duncan: “Maybe I can get a job in construction once this is all over.”

Meanwhile, He-Man and Cringer arrive at Castle Grayskull at roughly the same time that Krass finally decides to attack Skeletor. While Cringer occupies himself facing off against Beast-Man – now transformed into one of Skeletor’s “Skeletrones” – He-Man enters the castle to find Krass and Skeletor engaged in a fairly one-sided battle. And so it’s over to these two nemeses to spend a bit of time trying to beat each other up, in a fight involving He-Man knocking Skeletor’s head off but that still somehow not being the end of it.

Eventually, Krass re-enters the fray, and once she teams up with He-Man, Skeletor is seemingly defeated. But, as so often, it’s only a temporary victory, and Skeletor – like the proverbial bad penny – reappears, capturing Krass and shoving her face into a wall of Havoc. It’s at this point that He-Man takes leave of his senses and offers to trade the Power Sword for Krass’ life, a deal that Skeletor eagerly accepts. On receipt of the sword, he instantly plugs it into the Havoc Staff, causing him to transform into an oversized demon and destroy Castle Grayskull as he outgrows it. He ends the episode by announcing, “I am the Power!” which is a much better line than Duncan’s nonsense about being a builder.

Skeletor: “Ah cheers, mate, I’ve been wanting one of these for ages.”

In today’s adventure…

This little jaunt to Eternia taught us that offering really good weapons to supervillains in order to save your friends might solve one immediate problem, but ultimately create a whole host more. I don’t know who in the target audience is likely to be heavily involved in hostage negotiations and would thus need this insight, but I suppose somebody might be.

Character checklist

Nothing unexpected here: the dramatis personae consists of He-Man, Cringer, Teela, Duncan, King Randor, Man-e-Faces, Orko, Stratos, Krass, Skeletor, Beast-Man, Evil-Lyn, Trapjaw and Tri-Klops, and there’s a last-minute appearance for Prince Adam too.

King Randor: “Standing here frowning while the camera’s at a jaunty angle really does make me look dead hard.”

Insults

Skeletor kicks things off by addressing Beast-Man as something that sounds very much like “mutiless malfeasant”, and while I’m pretty confident I’ve got the second word right (not least because it actually means something), I’m by no means certain about the first. Answers on a postcard as to what Skeletor actually said, please.

Elsewhere, we’re on safer ground when Trapjaw calls Duncan a “twerp”, and Duncan retaliates by referring to Trapjaw as “awful” and a “tool”. Meanwhile, Beast-Man rather sneeringly addresses Cringer as “Kitty” (before the two of them inexplicably disappear from the episode), and Skeletor summons all his disdain to call He-Man and Krass “kiddies”.

He-Man: “Calling me a kiddy really boils my piss, Skeletor, so watch it.”

Does it have the Power?

It certainly does: it’s tense, exciting, and deeply silly when it needs to be. He-Man’s arrival in Castle Grayskull to save Krass is punctuated by a very funny scene which has its tongue firmly in its cheek, managing to maintain the sense of high drama but not being overly serious about it. As the above summary suggests, much of the episode’s runtime is taken up with a fight between He-Man and Skeletor, and it’s to its credit that this doesn’t get tedious. The subplot with the magical defensive wall is perhaps a little less compelling, and in complete honesty I wasn’t sold on the reasoning behind He-Man’s decision to hand over the power sword: I felt like he’s been in worse scrapes before, and seemed to only do this to further the plot. But neither of these complaints matter when the series is so much fun. I can’t wait to see what happens next.

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