Episode 10 – Comes With Everything You See Here

In which Teela and Evil-Lyn try to bore each other to death.

You’ll be pleased to hear that Beast-Man did not in fact kill Cringer at the end of last week’s show: our favourite green and yellow tiger is still live and biting. The situation remains fairly desperate though: Evil-Lyn and Beast-Man have Prince Adam, Cringer and Skeletor pinned down in Grayskull, while outside, King Randor’s forces are facing off against Scare Glow’s boring army of shadowbeasts and the dead.

Relief comes in the form of Orko, who’s returned from the dead along with Scare Glow’s nasty crew. He now seems to have the power to appear in multiple places at once, which is an absolute nightmare: there’ll be no avoiding the little bastard now. Still, he proves quite useful today, taking out Scare Glow and stealing the power sword back from Evil-Lyn so Prince Adam can transform into He-Man, in what has to be the one of the most satisfactory cries of “By the Power of Grayskull!” we’ve heard in the history of Masters of the Universe.

Prince Adam: “Been looking forward to this bit for ten weeks.”

Meanwhile, Teela enters the Tide of Transformation and takes on the mantle of the Sorceress of Grayskull, a process which involves a nice chat with the ghost of the original Sorceress in which she decides that she’s not going to limit herself to Grayskull, but will instead use her power anywhere she pleases. This seems odd – I’m not convinced the old Sorceress would have restricted herself to Grayskull unless she really had to, so I don’t know why Teela can now override that important rule just because she wants to.

We can’t dwell on that too long though – not that I’d want to, frankly – because now it’s time for the celestial apex, when Eternia aligns itself to become the exact centre of the universe. This is Evil-Lyn’s cue to do some magicky shenanigans which sound mighty portentous, after which Teela pops up to do some magicky shenanigans of her own. She and Evil-Lyn then go flying round Castle Grayskull, in a scene that involves lots of flashing lights and spectacular pyrotechnic nonsense.

Evil-Lyn: “Do you ever get the impression the whole thing is just a little bit, well, silly?”

Back in Grayskull, Skeletor decides that now is an ideal moment to once again switch sides, and he launches an ill-advised attack on He-Man. This is welcome, as it does at least give He-Man something to do while Teela continues her all too epic battle against Evil-Lyn. This has now largely moved beyond the fireworks stage and has reached a point where they try to talk one another to death, which is even more tedious than the flashing lights business.

Eventually, Teela convinces Evil-Lyn that even though there’s no design for life, that even though the universe is full of pain and suffering, there is still love, hope and joy. Probably largely to shut Teela up, Evil-Lyn agrees to stop messing with the celestial apex and ends up banished into another dimension, which I think might be Trolla. Hope she has to contend with Uncle Montork for the rest of eternity. That would serve her right.

Evil-Lyn: “I might have given up being evil for now, but don’t think I won’t lamp Uncle Montork with my staff if I see him.”

So it’s a happy ending for everybody: Orko’s returned to life, Prince Adam returns to the bosom of his family, Teela gets to be the new Sorceress of Grayskull, and Andra gets a promotion to Man-at-Arms. This doesn’t exactly seem deserved, but she could hardly be worse at it than the old Man-at-Arms, who now seems to have put on a Napoleonic Wars uniform and appointed himself some sort of royal functionary.

The only person who doesn’t seem too happy with how things turned out is Skeletor, who’s headed back to Snake Mountain and encountered the technocult. Skeletor enjoys a quick set-to with Tri-Klops and Trapjaw, which initially goes well, but ends with him being infected by Borgy nanoprobes from the Motherboard – which, incidentally, reveals itself to be a device of Evil Horde origin…

Skeletor: “Quick cliffhanger, anyone?”

In today’s adventure…

Teela spouts some remarkable nonsense while she’s taking on the role of Sorceress, including the claim that her friendships give her more strength than the power of Grayskull. I suppose we could therefore make the leap that today’s life lesson is that friendships give you strength. Genuinely, though, wouldn’t it have been nice if, instead of that ending with Motherboard, He-Man had popped up to deliver the moral himself?

Character checklist

Today’s outing features Prince Adam, Cringer, He-Man, Battle-Cat, Teela, Orko, Man-at-Arms, King Randor, Queen Marlena, Evil-Lyn, Skeletor and Scare Glow. Andra, Tri-Klops and Trapjaw show up, but don’t get a lot to do, and Beast-Man is here largely only to suffer an ignominious defeat by being plunged into Grayskull’s abyss. There’s also a ghostly manifestation of the original Sorceress, and a rather underwhelming cameo for Ram-Man. We don’t necessarily see Buzz-Off and Stratos, but there are plenty of their clones in the background of pretty much every outdoor shot.

Orko: “Admit it, you’re more pleased to see me again than you are delighted at Scare Glow’s reappearance.”

Insults

Scare Glow and Orko trade insults early on, with the former calling the latter a “cursed little insect” and receiving “pesky ghost” in retaliation. More entertaining is Evil-Lyn’s description of He-Man as a “muscle-bound boy toy”, which she follows up by referring to Orko as a “little imp”. There’s then a last-minute entry from Skeletor, who addresses Tri-Klops and Trapjaw as “blithering boobs”.

Does it have the Power?

Yes, mostly. The battle at Grayskull is really exciting, and feels like it’s got genuine stakes: none of our heroes do cop it in the end, but I certainly wasn’t convinced of their safety while watching: I wouldn’t have been at all surprised if, say, King Randor or Man-at-Arms had bitten the dust. The return of Orko is – despite my sark – a great moment, thoroughly unexpected and extremely satisfying, and it’s a great pay-off to all this build-up to see He-Man and Skeletor have a proper barney.

He-Man: “All right, lads, let’s hear it for He-Man. God, I’m good.”

The problem for me is the Teela and Evil-Lyn story. I don’t have a lot of interest in the Sorceress and her mystical rubbish at the best of times, and when it’s coupled with sub-superhero-film light shows and crazed spouting about the celestial apex, I simply found it difficult to care. This plotline wasn’t nearly grounded enough: yes, I get abstractly that Evil-Lyn was trying to destroy the universe, but those stakes are far too high for me to be invested. Obviously, the series isn’t going to end with the universe going boom, whereas if the characters were fighting over something more plausible – like, say, the rule of Eternia – then that’s something I could relate to. As it was, I found my eyes glazing over whenever we focussed on this story.

But that doesn’t ruin the episode by any means: as noted previously, the battle has a great epic feel that really drew me into the action, and the final scenes at the Palace in which Teela tells Adam that, even though she’s now the Sorceress, she’ll still need her champion was a great development of their relationship. And that last moment with Skeletor and Motherboard formed a great teaser for the next batch of episodes – so all told, we have a success here.

Obviously, Revelation is now finished, but this incarnation will be continuing at some point in 2024 with Masters of the Universe: Revolution, so we’ll be doing a series summary once the whole story is over. In the meantime, from next week we’ll be skipping over to the CGI universe and looking over Netflix’s child-friendly He-Man series.

Episode 09 – Hope, For a Destination

In which Beast-Man seemingly does something unforgiveable.

While Teela attempts to learn how to use Eternia’s magic, Prince Adam receives a quick plot recap from Skeletor: if Evil-Lyn isn’t stopped before the celestial apex rolls around, she’ll have the power and the inclination to end all of existence. Skeletor is willing to work with Adam to prevent such an event, and suggests that Adam become Savage He-Man again, but Adam refuses on the basis that Savage He-Man is uncontrollable, violent, and basically a bit of a dick. He’s got another plan, but in the interests of raising dramatic tension, he won’t say what it is – other than it requires him and Skeletor to head to Castle Grayskull.

Prince Adam: “Not your most impressive light show, Skeletor.”

Speaking of Grayskull, that’s where Evil-Lyn is, communing with the universe and having silly visions about a goat, a snake and a falcon hanging out by a puddle. This is presumably important, because Evil-Lyn’s eyes open wide in panic, but bugger me senseless with an ice pick if I can make head or tail of it, despite Evil-Lyn’s subsequent attempt to explain it. She’s interrupted by the arrival of Prince Adam and Skeletor, who get themselves admitted via the jawbridge while Teela and Andra sneak into the castle via a secret entrance.

Adam and Skeletor’s role is, of course, to act as a distraction while Teela and Andra get on with some other important business, but they get delayed in the sewers with a seemingly endless parade of no-hopers such as Spikor and Webstor. Man-at-Arms shows up to help out, but that just gives Teela the opportunity to rabbit on about how she doesn’t think she can become the Sorceress, to which Man-at-Arms tells her she definitely can. Glad we got that sorted out, then.

Teela: “Andra, I’ll distract him, and you whack him on the head from behind.”

Leaving Andra and Man-at-Arms in the sewers to fight off the goons, Teela heads deeper into Castle Grayskull, eventually finding a magic pond from which emerges a ghostly manifestation of the Sorceress. She explains that in order to become the new Sorceress, Teela must set aside all attachment to the mortal world and bathe in the waters of the Tide of Transformation. She will thereafter be unable to leave the castle in human form, except if the script requires it.

While Teela wrestles with this decision, King Randor and Queen Marlena arrive outside Castle Grayskull. They’re accompanied by a massive army of Eternians, but they’re confronted by a huge force of shadowbeasts and demons, led by Scare Glow, who I have to say I was hoping not to see again.

Meanwhile, Adam and Skeletor remain locked in combat with Evil-Lyn and Beast-Man. This is primarily taken up with a completely crazed monologue from Evil-Lyn which attempts to justify her intent to end the universe, though not enormously convincingly, but there’s a tad of genuine drama when Beast-Man appears to kill Cringer. The episode ends without confirming this, but it had better not be true.

Beast-Man: “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t dream of it really.”

In today’s adventure…

Teela gets a hefty dose of “you should believe in yourself” from just about everyone over the course of the episode, so that’s what I’m going with for the moral. I suppose you could also argue that there’s a nice little message of “forgive and forget” in the way Adam seems to implicitly trust Skeletor, but I’m not sure that after everything he’s done, Skeletor really warrants forgiveness.

Character checklist

The team today consists of Prince Adam, Teela, Andra, Man-at-Arms, Cringer, King Randor, Queen Marlena, Skeletor, Evil-Lyn, Beast-Man, Spikor, Webstor, Clawful and Panthor. This latter is making his Revelation debut, and wearing an adorably silly helmet, so it’s something of a shame that he gets killed by Evil-Lyn pretty smartish. There are quick cameos for Stratos and Buzz-Off, and let’s not forget Demon-Man and Tiny Priest from Reason and Blood, their true names revealed here as Goat-Man and Pig-Boy. We also get a distinctly unexpected (and, frankly, underwhelming) return for Blade, the pound shop baddy from the Masters of the Universe film.

Blade: “Hey, at least I’m not Gwildor.”

Insults

Skeletor sneeringly addresses Prince Adam as “boy”, and Evil-Lyn calls Beast-Man a “mongrel”, but otherwise we’re surprisingly light on zingers here.

Does it have the Power?

The bits involving Teela’s imminent transformation into the Sorceress, and her personal doubts around her abilities, are fairly dull, but otherwise this is a good solid action-packed instalment. I can’t honestly see the logic in Evil-Lyn’s decision to destroy the universe – especially since it seems to derive largely from watching a snake bite a goat and a falcon – but I’ve decided to just go with it, because by God it’s fun watching everyone try to stop her. The battle between her, Adam and Skeletor is exciting, and it’s also entertaining watching the various henchmen showing up in the sewers to impede Teela. (Though – Blade? Really?) I’ve got to say it’s hard to believe Adam and co. would trust Skeletor after his recent shenanigans, but I’ll overlook that too, because it’s great having Skeletor on side, elevating the conversations with some much needed snark.

We look like we’re headed for a big epic finale next time, which I’m a little cautious about – I tend to prefer my stories low-stakes, and some nonsense about a celestial apex, the end of the universe and a pitched battle against an army of the dead doesn’t really scream low-stakes to me. Hopefully, it won’t be over-egged. But in the meantime, this episode is a very entertaining one that’s well worth a watch.

Episode 08 – The Gutter Rat

In which there’s a rather ill-advised scene featuring Evil-Lyn and Skeletor.

At Point Dread, there’s reconciliations all round, with Prince Adam, King Randor and Teela all apologising for their various mistakes in the past. King Randor then appoints Andra a lieutenant in the Royal Guard, which hopefully means she’ll put on one of those silly sub-Man-at-Arms uniforms. Before that can happen, Queen Marlena shows up, and all I’ve got to say about that is that Alicia Silverstone was definitely the wrong choice of voice actor for her.

Queen Marlena: “Don’t smirk at my acting, Adam, I’m doing the best I can.”

Over in Castle Grayskull, Evil-Lyn pays a little visit to Man-at-Arms in the dungeons, but if she was hoping to taunt him, things backfire pretty quickly when Man-at-Arms turns the tables and points out that she’s nothing more than Skeletor’s plaything. Heading upstairs, she finds Skeletor communing with the cosmos, and he helpfully explains to her that Eternia will soon find itself at the centre of the universe for the first time in who knows how long. This will mean that Skeletor, as wielder of the power sword, will obtain power over the entirety of existence.

Viewing the enormity of existence is akin to a trip into the Total Perspective Vortex, and Evil-Lyn gets a sense of being alone in a godless universe. Emboldened, she belittles Skeletor, telling him that his plans are small – he’s obsessed with defeating He-Man, when he could dream much bigger. Skeletor retaliates, and following the ensuing argument, Evil-Lyn trots off for a nice chat with Beast-Man, which leads her to conclude that she must make a stand against Skeletor.

Evil-Lyn: “And when did you get so emotionally intelligent, Beast-Man?”

Her first step in the process is to seduce Skeletor, convincing him to turn back into his original form in order to sleep with her. A pretty uncomfortable scene ensues, which comes to a merciful end when Evil-Lyn steals the power sword and says the magic words for herself, transforming into a powerful sorceress. Skeletor sees which way the wind is blowing and makes a hasty exit, stage left.

Back at Point Dread, Prince Adam and Teela enjoy a heart-to-heart conversation in which Teela comes pretty close to forgiving Adam for the He-Man secret identity business, and also reveals that she’s figured out that the Sorceress was her mother. This is interrupted when Evil-Lyn appears in the sky to inform the population of Eternia that she has seized the power of Grayskull, and that she has used it to destroy Preternia. Teela determines that to defeat Evil-Lyn, she must quickly learn the skills of the Sorceress, which is a super plan, but it’s rather overshadowed by the arrival of Skeletor, who’s come to offer his assistance.

Skeletor: “Hi, guys. Forgive and forget, eh?”

In today’s adventure…

King Randor couldn’t make the moral of this week’s outing any plainer: he as good as addresses the camera to say, “Everyone should learn from their mistakes.” I wonder if the writers learned from their mistake in making this episode seem like slash fiction when Evil-Lyn straddles Skeletor. Guess we’ll find out if they double down on it in Revolution.

Character checklist

Taking the lead this week are Evil-Lyn and Skeletor, but there’s also a reasonable amount of screen time for Prince Adam, Teela, King Randor and Queen Marlena. Andra, Cringer, Man-at-Arms and Beast-Man get rather less to do, though they still manage more lines than the inhabitants of Preternia, who pop up for quick cameos before getting killed: for those who want a full list, that’s Moss-Man, King Grayskull, Vikor, Kudak, and Wun-Dar.

Prince Adam: “Well, this is surprising.”

Insults

King Randor kicks things off by addressing Cringer as a “fraidy cat”, a statement that’s more than likely friendly rather than vicious. The same isn’t true of Skeletor, who snaps “witch” and “little gutter rat” at Evil-Lyn in rapid succession. Otherwise, it’s largely over to Evil-Lyn, who calls Man-at-Arms “soft” and “impotent”, describes the former Sorceress as “silly”, tells Beast-Man she used to consider him an “idiot”, addresses Skeletor as “pathetic” and a “predictable little man”, and rounds off by telling the entire population of Eternia that they are “pathetic puny futile fools”. The piece de resistance is the moment when she triumphantly addresses Skeletor as a “blithering boob”. Sheer class. Skeletor tries to top this later by calling Adam a “royal boob”, but I think we all know Evil-Lyn’s got the edge here.

Does it have the Power?

This one is mostly decent enough, but it’s not my favourite. Let’s start with the downsides, of which there are two major ones. Firstly, the voice acting for Queen Marlena was massively distracting: it was overplayed and tonally jarring. Everybody else in this series is either perfect or at the very least good, whereas Marlena seems completely misjudged.

The second downside is the seduction scene, which felt completely out of place. I don’t pretend to know all the lore surrounding Skeletor, but I’ve never even vaguely imagined him as having an interest in sex before, and it felt like a rather disturbing avenue for the series to venture down. I know Evil-Lyn needed him to power down so she could steal the sword, but surely the writers could have come up with a less distasteful way for her to get her way. It’s only a short scene in an otherwise decent episode, but I think because these are characters created to entertain children, it really didn’t seem right. If you want to see Skeletor shagging Evil-Lyn, I’m sure there are places on the internet you can go, but I’d rather the implication be kept out of official media.

Evil-Lyn: “And you can see more of this stuff on my OnlyFans.”

Otherwise, there’s nothing to complain about this week: the story ticks along nicely, and it is good to see Evil-Lyn turn on Skeletor, as has been hinted at for the last few episodes. I’m less sure about this impending Eternia at the centre of the universe thing, which sounds like it could be gearing up for an incomprehensible magic solution in the vein of Netflix She-Ra, but for now, we’ll assume it’s all going to be perfectly sensible.

I guess the other thing that should be commented on is Teela’s casual revelation that she knows the Sorceress was her mother: this feels a bit like an afterthought, as if the writers had always intended for this to be a big reveal for Teela at a crucial moment, but realised that it wasn’t going to fit in the main story, so shoehorned it in here instead. As such, it doesn’t seem to flow particularly well, but I have to say I wouldn’t have wanted any histrionics about it, so it’s probably best that it happens here in this understated way.

All in all, this episode is generally entertaining to watch, but I think I’d have to say it comes with more than a few problems, and as such I really couldn’t call it the best of the series by any stretch. The serialised nature of Revelation means that I couldn’t actively recommend you skip it, but it’s one that I’d probably approach with caution.