Episode 5 – The Scepter and the Sword

In which meaningful democratic representation comes to Eternia.

Okay, so we start off with some sort of swirly vortexy thing in which Teela is suspended, flipping between the various guises of Sorceress, Snake Goddess, and Weird Demon. Evil-Lyn is trying to do something about it but can’t because she doesn’t have enough power, so it’s lucky that Orko and Gwildor choose this moment to show up holding the newly-upgraded power sword. Adam charges into the maelstrom, transforms into a new and really sleazy version of He-Man, and for good measure transforms Teela into a new version of herself too. Then they kiss! Hurrah! We’ve been waiting for this since at least the end of The Problem with Power, and probably longer.

Teela: “Is now a good time to mention I preferred the way you looked before?”

After a cringe-inducing interjection from Evil-Lyn – of which no further mention shall be made – He-Man dishes out the assignments: He-Man will cure the populace of the nanovirus and confront Skeletor, Teela is to carry on with her Preternia repair work, Man-at-Arms and Andra are to tackle the Horde, and Orko and Evil-Lyn are to fuck off somewhere out of sight and hopefully never darken our screens again.

He-Man’s job goes relatively smoothly: heading over to Grayskull, he quickly sorts out the nanovirus problem and then gets into a pummelling contest with Skeletor. This quickly extends to an almighty ruckus in which our various heroes come up against lots and lots of machines which I believe might be Monstroids – and, sadly, Granamyr shows up to the fight in order to get killed while protecting Teela. Luckily, Teela just manages to restore Preternia in time, and thus I assume Granamyr’s soul gets to go there and hang out with Wun-Dar and those various other knobs.

King Grayskull: “Bet you’re dead pleased to see me again, eh?”

Well, speaking of said knobs, it’s now time for the souls of everyone who ought to be in Preternia to put in an appearance, and several of them – including King Randor – join in the fight to give Skeletor a good battering. Once they’ve done that, they pose merrily in front of Preternia like an advert for an assisted living facility. Despite a last-minute attempt on Skeletor’s part to send King Randor to Subternia, He-Man settles matters once and for all by stabbing him with the power sword, which – presumably thanks to the nanovirus-combating upgrade – transforms him back into Keldor.

Returning to the ruins of the Palace, He-Man gives a speech in which he decrees that from now on, Eternia is a democratic republic and that the monarchy is no more. He pronounces “monarchy” in literally the most hilarious way I can think of to say it, but no one calls him out on that: they’re too busy celebrating their newfound freedom of self-government. They won’t be celebrating for long: Andra announces her intention to run for president, and I can’t imagine anyone will be that keen to vote for the person who developed the second wave of the nanovirus. Unless she’s planning on keeping that to herself and waiting for the inevitable scandal when the FOI request goes in.

Queen Marlena: “So, exactly what practical governmental experience do you have, Andra?”

But let’s not focus on that: instead it’s time to check in with He-Man and Teela, who wander off through the ruins of the Palace discussing their future, as all the populace cheer them. They make plans to live together at Castle Grayskull, presumably still doing a fair bit of Masters-of-the-Universing when the fancy takes them: Skeletor may be defeated for now, but he is, after all, only one of the many megalomaniacal loonies hanging around Eternia with unpleasant intentions…

In today’s adventure…

Okay! After my heartfelt wish last week (about getting a post-credits “in today’s adventure” sequence), today we kind of get one! It’s delivered by Zodak, though, so it’s hard to get too excited about it. He addresses the camera to intone that today we learned about balance, but before he goes off on some random tangent, he seems to catch himself and makes his little monologue a bit more plot-related, thanking Evil-Lyn for her services and welcoming her to the ranks of the Cosmic Enforcers. Bet she’s thrilled.

Zodak: “Look! There’s so many of me!”

We then end with a little sting in which we learn that an unidentified woman has recovered Hordak’s body and is using Horde Prime’s technology to restore him to life. She then gibbers on for a little while about heading back to Eternia to gain revenge on Skeletor and He-Man, but I expect that we’ll have to wait another two years or so before we get any development on this plotline.

Character checklist

For this final outing to Eternia, the cast list is Prince Adam, He-Man, Cringer, Teela, Man-at-Arms, Orko, Andra, Evil-Lyn, Queen Marlena, Gwildor, Granamyr, King Randor, Buzz-Off, Ram-Man, Snout Spout, Rio Blast, Fisto, Clamp Champ, Moss-Man, Roboto, the Sorceress, King Grayskull, Wun-Dar, Vikor, He-Ro, Stonedar or Rokkon (whichever), Skeletor, Zodak, and the unidentified woman who I suspect is probably Adora. The vast majority of these people don’t speak though, so don’t worry, it’s not a complete overload.

Rio-Blast: “Just showing up for one last hurrah before my inevitable relegation back into obscurity.”

Insults

Skeletor’s on the down today: all the insults – which are few and far between – are either addressed to him or directed at him behind his back. He-Man opts for “numbskull”, King Randor goes for “bully”, and Teela’s choice is “psychotic bad guy”.

Does it have the Power?

Yep – very satisfactory. It’s a well-handled round-up of the various plotlines that have developed throughout Revolution, and it’s to its credit that everything gets resolved neatly – halfway through, I was thinking this series was too sprawling to work within the confines of five episodes, but this last one does manage to finish things up nicely. And with an epic He-Man/Skeletor confrontation followed by He-Man and Teela finally finally getting together, no less.

He-Man: “I’ve wanted to do this for a long time, tbh.”

If I had to quibble, I’d say that the Eternian Independence Day business was goofy in the extreme, and it feels like a rather simplistic political transition which is liable to devolve into chaos. Let’s just say I have the sneaking suspicion that nobody’s bothered to write a constitution – although, on reflection, maybe they’re better off without a political system designed by halfwits like Man-at-Arms.

But when all’s said and done, this episode is a fun conclusion to Revolution, and the preceding Revelation series. Whether it’s the final stop, or whether we have a concluding batch of episodes dealing with that last-minute Potential Adora business, I can’t say, but if it is the end, it’s a fitting one. Good stuff all round.

Episode 4 – The Dogs of War

In which Rio Blast tries and fails to be intimidating.

Skeletor kick things off with a gibbering monologue directed at Prince Adam, in which he explains that yes, he is Keldor and no, he didn’t remember that he was Keldor until Motherboard unlocked his memories. Good to know, for those of us who were on the edge of our seats about that. He finishes up by explaining that he’s going to carry on being right nasty for a while, though he’s fairly non-specific about exactly what he’s going to do, and then shoves Queen Marlena into Adam’s prison cell before wandering off.

Skeletor: “Loving my new skeleton/king/Borg mash-up outfit.”

It’s at this point that Teela bothers to rejoin the main narrative: she and Evil-Lyn arrive at Eternos, where Teela wants to rescue Adam, while Evil-Lyn thinks they should steal Skeletor’s Havoc Staff so they can use the combined power of something or other to defeat Hordak. I think this has to do with that falcon, snake and goat malarkey that we saw back in Hope, For a Destination, but I don’t know because I’m easily distracted during conversations about that sort of thing.

Anyway, Teela probably shouldn’t interrupt Skeletor right now, because he’s indulging in a nice little rebellion against Hordak. He’s begun by ripping Motherboard’s head off and presenting it to Hordak in a box – always has a taste for the pointlessly dramatic, does our Skeletor. This naturally doesn’t go down well with Hordak, who responds by trying to beat Skeletor up, resulting in an epic confrontation that goes on for much of the rest of the episode and ends with Skeletor stabbing and killing Hordak. So long, you prize porker – we barely knew you.

Hordak: “Oh bloody hell, this is embarrassing.”

Meanwhile, perhaps trying to make up for her epic fuck-up last week, Andra shows up in the dungeons to rescue Prince Adam, Cringer and Queen Marlena, and she leads them to safety outside the Palace. Here they reunite with Teela, Evil-Lyn and Man-at-Arms, who’s dolled himself up in a smart new suit in an effort to distract himself from the gaping hole in his soul. While most of the gang merrily beat up some Horde Troopers (plus Ram-Man, Buzz-Off, Snout Spout and Rio Blast, all of whom are infected with the nanovirus), Evil-Lyn quickly nips off and quick as a flash, nicks the Havoc Staff from Skeletor. As the episode ends, Teela blends the Havoc Staff with the Zoar staff and a snakey staff, then hovers in the sky shrieking.

In today’s adventure…

Yay – it’s classic Filmation stuff! Queen Marlena rabbits on for a while about how love, courage and the willingness to fight for what’s right are the most important types of power. I know I’m like a broken record, but really, if the writers are going to lean this hard into the Filmation-style messaging, why couldn’t they just give us an actual “In today’s adventure” segment? I think it would actually make my heart burst with joy.

Prince Adam: “You know, mother, it’s much easier to take you seriously now you’re not Alicia Silverstone.”

Character checklist

This Eternian excursion features Prince Adam, Cringer, Teela, Man-at-Arms, Andra, Evil-Lyn, Queen Marlena, Orko, Gwildor, Buzz-Off, Ram-Man, Snout Spout, Rio Blast, Skeletor, Hordak, Grizzlor, Mantenna, Leech, Motherboard, and everyone’s favourite, the endless ranks of Horde Troopers. Skeletor’s alter ego, Keldor, also shows up fairly regularly, and there’s a quick flashback appearance of King Miro.

Insults

Keldor describes Motherboard as “metal mummy”, which sounds insulting enough to warrant listing here. I’m really not sure what to make of Gwildor calling Grizzlor, Mantenna and Leech “clondorks”, but since he prefaces it with “mangy”, I think we can take it that this is an insult. We’re on safer ground with Hordak calling Skeletor a “fool”, and with Skeletor’s retaliatory volleys of “tool” and, a little surprisingly, “prick”.

Gwildor: “I realise it looks like I’m trying to kill Orko, but that’s honestly not what’s happening, officer.”

Does it have the Power?

I’m at a bit of a loss as to what to write other than “enjoyable”. This episode is a good solid romp, with good action setpieces that don’t overdo it. Skeletor’s fight with Hordak perhaps comes close to being overblown, but thanks to its cross-cutting with the backstory of Hordak’s apprenticeship of Keldor, it manages to remain grounded: these two may be mega-powerful demons wielding awesome magic and scientific gimmickry, but at heart they’re a teacher-pupil relationship gone awry.

Similarly, Teela’s story spells out her motivations – she may want to restore Preternia, but it’s largely because she cares so much for Prince Adam; and Adam’s response is that Teela doesn’t have to restore Preternia just for him – all he cares about is that Teela is with him. It’s a touching step forward in their relationship, only slightly marred by the implicit suggestion that if Teela and Adam didn’t want to enjoy a little private time, then King Randor’s poor doomed soul could go hang.

Teela: “Why are you wearing a suit even my dad would be embarrassed to put on?”

So yes, this one is a good instalment. I have a sinking suspicion that what with Teela’s newfound magic staff blend, we’re heading for a mystical bang-bang-pow-pow grand finale next week, but let’s stay optimistic and hope that we’re steering away from any silly universe-ending shenanigans, eh?

Episode 3 – More Things in Heaven and Eternia

In which the Horde capture Castle Grayskull.

Skeletor and Motherboard report in on their progress to Hordak, who cheerfully indulges in a few piggy snorts for old time’s sake before telling them to continue. Afterwards, Skeletor starts hearing Captain Kirk’s voice in his head, before getting a vision of Keldor. The vision explains that Skeletor really is Keldor, even though he doesn’t remember it, and goes on to imply that Skeletor ought to betray the Horde and rule Eternia in his own right. I’m sure that clever little scheme hadn’t already occurred to Skeletor, who – let’s not forget – lives and breathes deception.

Speaking of deception, Skeletor now returns to Eternos and suggests that He-Man lead an attack on Snake Mountain. Once He-Man’s out of the way, he takes Andra aside, suggesting to her that she could work on developing an antidote to the nanobot virus: an antidote that will use the same technology. What he doesn’t tell Andra, but what is patently obvious to the viewer, is that this antidote will have basically exactly the same effect as the original virus. Andra merrily agrees and runs off to begin work.

Skeletor: “Fancy the opportunity to do something really stupid, Andra?”

Man-at-Arms and Orko are off on their own little quest: they’ve taken He-Man’s sword to be modified so that its power can cure everybody infected by Skeletor’s nanobots. The best person they can think of to make these improvements is Gwildor, that little Labyrinth wannabe from the Masters of the Universe film, who is an individual I honestly hadn’t expected to see again. Expected or hoped, tbh. Gwildor spouts a whole load of absolute gibberish, before eventually promising to try his best.

Orko: “Don’t you realise how dangerous it is to have the three most irritating characters in the franchise together in one room???”

He-Man arrives at Snake Mountain and entertains himself by beating Spikor, Whiplash and Webstor up, but soon discovers that Skeletor’s not at home. Thanks to Skeletor’s endless need to show off, He-Man quickly deduces that he’s allowed himself to be distracted. Too late now though: Motherboard has penetrated Castle Grayskull’s defences, a Horde armada has appeared in the Eternian skies, and – perhaps most concerning of all – Andra has completed her nanobot antidote and accidentally infected the entire populace. Fuck’s sake, Andra. That’s not going to look good on your next performance appraisal.

Meanwhile, in the background, Teela’s story continues: this week Evil-Lyn trains her in the use of Kaa magic, and also has a little chat with her suggesting that maybe she ought to get together with Prince Adam. That’s great advice, Evil-Lyn, but I think Prince Adam’s got more on his mind right now than getting his rocks off with Teela: he has, after all, been captured by the Horde and dragged inside the newly redecorated Castle Grayskull, where he learns to his horror that Keldor is Skeletor and that therefore Skeletor is his uncle. Consequently, if he is currently thinking about getting it on with Teela, he’s probably also musing that the invite list for the wedding is going to be an awkward discussion.

Teela: “I like not being in the series’ main storyline. Gives me way more time to relax.”

In today’s adventure…

Nobody’s helpful enough this week to address the camera to dispense a pearl of wisdom, which means I’ve got to work it out myself. Let’s perhaps concentrate on Andra: our moral could be that if something’s gone wrong and someone suggests making things less wrong by doing something that will probably make things more wrong, then perhaps that’s wrong. Or, to put it slightly more coherently, don’t double down on a mistake.

Character checklist

This one features Prince Adam, Cringer, He-Man, Battle-Cat, Teela, Evil-Lyn, Man-at-Arms, Orko, Gwildor, Andra, either Rokkon or Stonedar (the blue one – can’t remember which is which, and the episode doesn’t name him), Skeletor, Spikor, Whiplash, Webstor, the Keldor-vision, Hordak, Motherboard, Mantenna, Grizzlor, Leech, and multitudes of Horde Troopers. There’s also an exciting return for Skeletor’s robot bird, Screech, who I have to confess I’d forgotten all about.

Mantenna: “No trapdoors here, I’m pleased to note.”

Insults

There’s a whole load of insulting going on here, much of it springing from the ever-fertile lipless mouth of Skeletor. Our favourite skeleton begins by referring to the entire populace of Eternia as “suckers”, narrows things down to the royal family with the classic “royal boobs”, and gets properly specific by describing Prince Adam as “Little Lord Look-at-my-abs Adam”. After all that, he then finds time to diss Gwildor with the phrase “random troll”. Orko also puts the boot into Gwildor, calling him a “Thinarian warbat” (whatever that is), and Gwildor retaliates by addressing Orko as “half-pint” and “shorty”. Evil-Lyn attempts to get Teela’s goat by describing He-Man as her “lumbering love”, and it seems to work: Teela responds with a furious “heinous vicious witch” and “malicious enchantress”. Finally, He-Man triumphantly addresses Skeletor as a “numbskull”, which might have been effective if Skeletor had been in the room at the time.

Does it have the Power?

The opening scene is excellent: it reintroduces us to Hordak and his various minions, all of whom are actively frightening in a way that Skeletor’s crowd never have been. I genuinely did love the Filmation version of Mantenna, but by God his modern interpretation is fantastically terrifying. Grizzlor and Leech, meanwhile, were both complete nonentities back in the day, so it’s great to see them actually getting the chance to be scary.

Leech: “Always thought it’s scarier to not show my face.”

The remainder of the episode is a step down, but still fun: the meat of the story comes with Skeletor’s trickery, which comes to a pleasing triumph here. If I’m honest, I feel that Andra should perhaps have voiced some concerns about using nanobots to fight nanobots, but we’ve only got five episodes so need to barrel through the story, I suppose. The shorter run of this series is, in fact, my main complaint: it feels like the story is progressing extremely fast, giving it very little room to breathe. We’ve now only got two episodes to wrap the whole thing up, and it feels like we’re barely getting going.

Still, if my biggest problem with this series is that there isn’t enough of it, that can’t be a bad thing. Looking forward to seeing how all our various storylines resolve themselves. Except maybe Gwildor’s storyline: I wouldn’t mind if he vanished back into the void for another 37 years.

Episode 2 – Ascension

In which Granamyr steadfastly refuses to be helpful.

We open with a brief flashback to Randor’s childhood, in which it’s explained that Keldor is the bastard son of King Miro (remember him? Last seen randomly sloping around Etheria) and a woman from Anwat Gar (a location of which I do not need reminding). Although Keldor is older than Randor, his illegitimate status means that he will not be able to succeed to the throne, so Miro and his queen, Amelia, decide that it’s kinder to send Keldor back to Anwat Gar.

Cutting to the present, Keldor is telling Adam this story, and finishes up by noting that shortly after his return to Anwat Gar, Eternia was attacked by the Evil Horde, and it was thought that Keldor died in the battle. He’s now back, but in direct contradiction to what he said last week, he claims not to want the crown. It would presumably occur to Adam to ask what the bloody hell he does want then, but the two of them are distracted by a massive explosion in the city.

Prince Adam: “Do you think they’ll make an action figure of me in this goofy outfit?”

When Man-at-Arms explains that the attack is coming from Skeletor, Adam welcomes the opportunity to escape the politics and go to pummel his old nemesis for a while. Transforming into He-Man, he confronts Skeletor, who’s hanging out in the streets monologuing about how he and Motherboard are restoring the technological wonders from Eternia’s distant past. This essentially means digging up old robots and setting them to run amok in Eternos, and as such, He-Man isn’t cool with it.

While He-Man pursues Skeletor into an alley and learns that he can use the power sword to cure people who are infected with Motherboard’s nanobots, Keldor successfully leads the defence of the city against a giant robot, and as such, it’s he who is feted as the hero in the aftermath. This offers He-Man an easy way out from the “can I be king AND champion?” dilemma, and he decides to crown Keldor as Randor’s successor. As the episode ends, we learn that Keldor is in fact Skeletor in disguise. Who’d have thought it, eh.

Skeletor: “That’s King Skeletor to you, mate.”

Meanwhile, Teela has made her journey to Darksmoke, where Granamyr greets her with the revelation that he’s dying. Teela responds with the information that Randor is dead, so the two of them indulge in a quick pity party before getting to the point: Teela would like Granamyr’s help in restoring Preternia, using Kaa magic.

This sensible request is interrupted by the sudden appearance of Evil-Lyn, who explains that her messing about with the celestial apex is the reason for Granamyr’s impending doom. It’s lucky that she’s shown up: Granamyr refuses to grant Teela the Kaa magic, until Evil-Lyn joins in to help convince him. At this point, Granamyr hands over a snaky staff and Teela transforms into a weird green Snake Teela individual and hisses directly at the camera, which is a bit rude of her, tbh.

Granamyr: “Yeah, I didn’t give you those powers just so you can go round hissing at people.”

In today’s adventure…

“It’s not about what you hold in your hand, but what you hold in your heart,” says Man-at-Arms, portentously. God knows what he’s talking about. While on the one hand I can well imagine him uttering this nonsense at the end of a Filmation episode, on the other I’d simply like him to piss off.

Character checklist

It’s like the good old days: our leads here are Prince Adam, Cringer, He-Man, Battle-Cat, Teela, Man-at-Arms, Orko, Andra, Skeletor, Evil-Lyn, Keldor and Granamyr. There are also non-speaking appearances for Queen Marlena, Buzz-Off, Snout Spout, Trapjaw, Tri-Klops, Clawful, Webstor, Two Bad, Motherboard, and in flashback, there’s King Miro, Queen Amelia, a young Randor and a young Keldor.

He-Man: “Would it really be such an abuse of the power of Grayskull if I lopped Man-at-Arms’ head off?”

Insults

Not loads going on here, but can’t complain: Teela draws a full 75% of the insults, with Evil-Lyn referring to her as a “little bird” and a “simpleton”, and Granamyr opts for the classic “fool”. Elsewhere, He-Man’s diss of “Skeletech” for Skeletor needs work, frankly.

Does it have the Power?

I’d say there’s nothing to get too excited about in this episode, but it’s entertaining enough: it’s fun to see another incarnation of Keldor, and it seems I was wrong last week when I said he wasn’t Skeletor. Not quite sure what I was smoking when I made that bold claim, if I’m honest: it’s hardly a surprise revelation. Still, it’ll be interesting to see where we go with a disguised Skeletor on the throne: let’s find out if he’s subtle enough to keep the pretence up for more than five minutes. Quite fun too that the secret identity business has been kind of reversed: maybe if we’re lucky I’ll need to start up a new section called ‘Excuse for King Keldor’s disappearance’.

Elsewhere, Teela’s subplot feels entirely disconnected from the main story at the moment – though I daresay it’ll all marry up in the end – and I can’t say I was that enthralled with this version of Granamyr: his refusal to help followed by his about-face all felt very by the numbers. He-Man’s discovery that his sword can cure the Motherboard tech virus is pretty ho-hum too. So, yeah, it moves the story along, but I’d be lying if I said I thought it was a highlight.

Episode 26 – The End of the Beginning

In which Skeletor’s evil plans are foiled.

Skeletor – now transformed into a massive flying demon thing, but still boasting his characteristic cackle – comes barrelling across Eternia, aiming straight for that magical barrier that Duncan and co. erected last time. This barrier is rendered instantly useless, since all Skeletor needs to do is fly over it, though oddly he settles for shouting a few taunts and then flying away again, muttering something about remaking the universe in his own image.

Skeletor: “Nice wall you’ve got there, guys. Be a shame if someone were to simply fly over the top of it.”

Teela, Duncan, Evil-Lyn and Trapjaw give chase, hoping to stop him before he’s able to begin that sort of nonsense. Unfortunately, if predictably, they’re too late: Skeletor opens some sort of portal to the Heart of the Universe and enters it. Evil-Lyn inexplicably disappears from the episode at this point, while Trapjaw chooses this moment to demonstrate that he’s not too bright by betraying the team, and embarrassingly ends up being taken off to the Palace dungeons by Orko.

In the meantime, Teela and Duncan rejoin Prince Adam, Cringer and Krass in the ruins of Castle Grayskull. After berating Adam for being an idiot at the end of last week’s episode (though not for nearly long enough, in my opinion), Teela points out that to undo the chaos now spewing into Eternia from Skeletor’s silly portal, the team will need to recover the sword. Glad you’re around, Teela – I doubt anyone would have thought of that otherwise. Even so, our heroes now spend a bit of time pontificating about how they’re still really powerful and how they now know themselves for who they really are. That’s great, guys. Well done.

Prince Adam: “Yes, yes, I know I’m a moron. Let’s not dwell on that.”

Once they’ve finished doing that, they enter the portal to the Heart of the Universe and interrupt Skeletor in the middle of a completely nonsensical monologue. There follows a tense and exciting battle, in the course of which He-Man recovers the power sword and, through the power of teamwork, the gang use it to cut Skeletor’s arm off, thus robbing him of the Havoc Staff and converting him back into Keldor.

Eternia and the rest of the universe are restored to normality, and our heroes return to the Palace in triumph, bringing Keldor with them. As Keldor is despatched to the dungeons, he utters a cryptic warning about some other incoming threat, which becomes much more explicit a moment later, when Hordak shows up to say a polite hello to Evil-Lyn. I’m sure we’ll see more of that next time, not that there is a next time.

Hordak: “Oh well, at least I’m in Revolution.”

In today’s adventure…

Krass explains that power isn’t about the power itself, but how its wielder uses it. This is a fairly muddled way of saying that if you’ve got any power, you should use it to do good things, and all I can really say is that it’s a bit of a shame Krass didn’t realise this considerably sooner.

Character checklist

You’ll be unsurprised to learn that the team today consists of Prince Adam, He-Man, Cringer, Teela, Duncan, Krass, Orko, King Randor, Skeletor, Evil-Lyn, Trapjaw, Beast-Man and Tri-Klops. Man-e-Faces gets a non-speaking cameo, and as noted above, Hordak appears in the final 30 seconds, claiming to be Evil-Lyn’s dad. That’s a part of the lore I didn’t know, got to admit; seem to recall something from the MYP series about the Faceless One being her dad. Maybe she’s like Bow and has two.

Insults

Beast-Man again refers to Cringer disparagingly as “kitty”, but otherwise it’s over to Trapjaw, who calls Teela and Duncan “brats” and says that these same two, plus Evil-Lyn, are “losers”. Evil-Lyn retaliates with a succinct “dolt”.

Trapjaw: “One last insult for the road?”

Does it have the Power?

Another winner here, and full marks to it for somehow managing to go for the apocalyptic end-of-the-universe storyline so common to recent incarnations of Masters of the Universe and still make it exciting and relatable. It’s lighter on the humour than many episodes, and the plot is pretty thin, but it’s all held together by a genuine sense of fun and camaraderie; more than any series since Filmation, I feel that the CGI cartoon has that elusive sense of heart. It’s been a great ride; here’s hoping that this episode isn’t the last, though as it’s been more than a year now, it sadly probably is.

Episode 25 – The Beginning of the End

In which Duncan’s new catchphrase needs work.

As so often happens in various Masters of the Universe incarnations, Skeletor celebrates his victory by making a holographic state of the union address to the people of Eternia, detailing his deranged plans for their futures. In this case, as he does so, Krass looks on, with the dawning realisation that she’s made a massive mistake, especially once Skeletor reveals that the entire population of Eternia will be transformed into either Dark Masters or monstrous slaves.

Skeletor: “I’ll be the first to admit my audition to be the sun in the Teletubbies reboot needs work.”

Luckily, Duncan has a theory that the Power of Grayskull and Havoc are basically the good and evil sides of the same coin, so with that in mind, all that’s needed to prevent Havoc spreading across the surface of Eternia is to build some magic towers imbued with the Power of Grayskull. Sounds a bit like a plot device to give everyone else something to do while He-Man thumps Skeletor, but okay, let’s go with it.

Unexpectedly, the first step is for Teela and Duncan to recruit Evil-Lyn and Trapjaw to help out with the tower building, so at least there’s the chance we’ll get a bit of snark during this process. As it turns out, though, there’s very little snark, or indeed dialogue of any kind, except Duncan shouting “I am a builder!” which might have the same sentence structure as “I have the Power!” but is inarguably less exciting. No matter: job’s a good’un, and a nice big wall is erected to stop the incoming tidal wave of Havoc.

Duncan: “Maybe I can get a job in construction once this is all over.”

Meanwhile, He-Man and Cringer arrive at Castle Grayskull at roughly the same time that Krass finally decides to attack Skeletor. While Cringer occupies himself facing off against Beast-Man – now transformed into one of Skeletor’s “Skeletrones” – He-Man enters the castle to find Krass and Skeletor engaged in a fairly one-sided battle. And so it’s over to these two nemeses to spend a bit of time trying to beat each other up, in a fight involving He-Man knocking Skeletor’s head off but that still somehow not being the end of it.

Eventually, Krass re-enters the fray, and once she teams up with He-Man, Skeletor is seemingly defeated. But, as so often, it’s only a temporary victory, and Skeletor – like the proverbial bad penny – reappears, capturing Krass and shoving her face into a wall of Havoc. It’s at this point that He-Man takes leave of his senses and offers to trade the Power Sword for Krass’ life, a deal that Skeletor eagerly accepts. On receipt of the sword, he instantly plugs it into the Havoc Staff, causing him to transform into an oversized demon and destroy Castle Grayskull as he outgrows it. He ends the episode by announcing, “I am the Power!” which is a much better line than Duncan’s nonsense about being a builder.

Skeletor: “Ah cheers, mate, I’ve been wanting one of these for ages.”

In today’s adventure…

This little jaunt to Eternia taught us that offering really good weapons to supervillains in order to save your friends might solve one immediate problem, but ultimately create a whole host more. I don’t know who in the target audience is likely to be heavily involved in hostage negotiations and would thus need this insight, but I suppose somebody might be.

Character checklist

Nothing unexpected here: the dramatis personae consists of He-Man, Cringer, Teela, Duncan, King Randor, Man-e-Faces, Orko, Stratos, Krass, Skeletor, Beast-Man, Evil-Lyn, Trapjaw and Tri-Klops, and there’s a last-minute appearance for Prince Adam too.

King Randor: “Standing here frowning while the camera’s at a jaunty angle really does make me look dead hard.”

Insults

Skeletor kicks things off by addressing Beast-Man as something that sounds very much like “mutiless malfeasant”, and while I’m pretty confident I’ve got the second word right (not least because it actually means something), I’m by no means certain about the first. Answers on a postcard as to what Skeletor actually said, please.

Elsewhere, we’re on safer ground when Trapjaw calls Duncan a “twerp”, and Duncan retaliates by referring to Trapjaw as “awful” and a “tool”. Meanwhile, Beast-Man rather sneeringly addresses Cringer as “Kitty” (before the two of them inexplicably disappear from the episode), and Skeletor summons all his disdain to call He-Man and Krass “kiddies”.

He-Man: “Calling me a kiddy really boils my piss, Skeletor, so watch it.”

Does it have the Power?

It certainly does: it’s tense, exciting, and deeply silly when it needs to be. He-Man’s arrival in Castle Grayskull to save Krass is punctuated by a very funny scene which has its tongue firmly in its cheek, managing to maintain the sense of high drama but not being overly serious about it. As the above summary suggests, much of the episode’s runtime is taken up with a fight between He-Man and Skeletor, and it’s to its credit that this doesn’t get tedious. The subplot with the magical defensive wall is perhaps a little less compelling, and in complete honesty I wasn’t sold on the reasoning behind He-Man’s decision to hand over the power sword: I felt like he’s been in worse scrapes before, and seemed to only do this to further the plot. But neither of these complaints matter when the series is so much fun. I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Episode 24 – In-can’t-ation

In which Orko treats us to a classic personal crisis.

After last week’s ominous suggestion that Orko is the best person to cure Prince Adam of his Havoc infestation, we open in a location that looks like a vision of the apocalypse: a bright orange landscape with hundreds of Orkos flying around. I have vague memories of this being where we saw Orko last, several episodes ago, but I think I must have blacked it out. It’s certainly only now that I’m appreciating the full horror of it.

Orko: “Welcome to your own personal hell.”

Luckily, most of the Orkos remain in the background and don’t cause me any trouble, but one – the original – is off on one of his “Christ I’m useless” kicks. It’s clearly only a matter of time before he drops a chocolate cake on Man-at-Arms and fucks off into the forest to manipulate everyone into feeling sorry for him. Duncan tries to forestall this by telling Orko that he’s actually a perfectly capable wizard, and when that doesn’t work, Teela zaps Orko into another dimension and tells him not to come back until he’s found a Havoc-curing spell.

Orko soon comes across a manifestation of the original Orko the Great, who is less of a robot and more like our old friend. Whether that’s a good or bad thing I leave to you to decide. Orko the Great seems to be pretty incompetent, and there follows a fair whack of time with the two Orkos debating each other on matters of little to no consequence until Robot Orko acquires the spell he needs and returns to Eternia.

Orko the Great: “Miss me, guys?”

Unfortunately, the spell not only drains the Havoc from Adam, but it also drains his personality. If I were feeling cruel, I might ask how you can tell, but that’s a fairly unrewarding direction in which to take this review. Instead, I’ll simply report that the spell has rendered Adam – as well as Teela, Duncan and Cringer – the victim of a body swap with those weird bouncing things that populate Eternia, which are here revealed to be obsessed with the weather.

And so it’s up to Orko, of course, to put things right, despite his continuing insistence that he’s completely useless. His initial attempt manages to make our four heroes suffer body swaps with each other – so for all you pervs who want to see Adam inside Teela, this is finally your chance – and his second transforms them into their Revelation incarnations (come on, do Filmation, you cowards), but thereafter he finally gets it right and our heroes return to their own bodies.

Teela: “Well, this is something of a revelation.”

Meanwhile, Evil-Lyn pitches up outside Castle Grayskull to offer Krass some advice: make sure the reward for helping Skeletor is worth it. From the look on Krass’ face, she seems to be increasingly unsure of that, but before she can do anything in particular about it, Skeletor’s ritual comes to an end, and he is restored to life, complete with a ridiculous pair of horns.

Skeletor: “Christ, with these horns I’m going to need a backing track from Mousse-T and Tom Jones.”

In today’s adventure…

Orko might as well be talking directly to the camera at the end of today’s episode, when he comments that “we all make mistakes, but if you don’t try, you’ll never get any better”. He’s definitely not talking to the camera though, because he’s got his back to it, so perhaps he wasn’t addressing us, which means we can all feel free to continue not trying.

Character checklist

Just the classics: Prince Adam, Cringer, Teela, Duncan, King Randor, Orko, Krass, Evil-Lyn and Skeletor. There’s also a few short scenes for Beast-Man, Trapjaw and Tri-Klops, who are bickering between themselves, presumably about the best way to keep themselves relevant in a story which seems to have left them behind about 10 episodes ago.

Trapjaw: “That is among the goofiest grins I’ve ever seen, Beast-Man.”

Insults

Both versions of Orko refer to themselves as a “failure”, which I’d not disagree with. There’s also a really odd little sequence in which Evil-Lyn calls Krass “tammy”, which made absolutely no sense to me, though I’m willing to accept it may have more meaning to those on the other side of the Atlantic.

Does it have the Power?

You know what? Despite having a focus on numerous incarnations of Orko and their various personal insecurities, this one is actually pretty enjoyable. The Orko scenes themselves are maybe the least entertaining, but they feel true to the spirit of Masters of the Universe and to Orko’s character, and it’s always fun to revisit that, even if only so I can rip it to shreds. The subsequent body swap shenanigans don’t go on long enough to become tedious, and they do allow for a couple of amusing lines and visual jokes (it was genuinely unexpected to see the Revelation characters show up), while the Evil-Lyn, Krass and Skeletor scenes do some decent work in setting us up for what I assume is the epic finale coming next time. All in all, a bit silly and great fun, which is everything I want from He-Man, really.

Episode 22 – The Tomb of Grayskull

In which Skeletor goes grave robbing.

Trapped inside the tomb of Grayskull, He-Man makes his way to the main chamber, where he finds Krass and the ghost of Skeletor standing imposingly next to a purple glowing sphere. Skeletor’s first priority, of course, is to do some taunting, but once he’s got that over with, he turns his attention to reanimating Grayskull’s corpse so that he himself can rise from the dead. Exactly how this is supposed to work, I couldn’t say, but I’m sure it all makes loads of sense. In case it doesn’t, we’re now treated to an epic battle between He-Man and Krass to distract us.

He-Man: “I always said you were in your own little bubble, Skeletor.”

This little set-to comes to an end when Skeletor successfully does whatever the hell he’s doing and comes into possession of the bones of King Grayskull. He then opens a portal for himself and Krass to escape to Castle Grayskull, leaving He-Man to battle a really big snake. It doesn’t go well: the snake eats He-Man, which is a trifle unexpected but not permanent, I’d wager.

Meanwhile, outside, most of the rest of the characters engage in a fairly inconsequential rumble while King Randor attempts to figure out how to open the door to the tomb. Randor’s efforts are soon rendered unnecessary when the giant snake busts its way out of the tomb. Things look pretty bleak, but He-Man has been happily marinating in a pool of Havoc inside the snake, and he chooses this moment to burst out of the giant serpent, killing it in the process. It’s not all good news, though: he’s now glowing green, and I suspect he’s a little bit worse for wear, possibly even evil. But we’ll have to wait for next week to confirm that.

He-Man: “There’s a joke somewhere here about being green with envy.”

In today’s adventure…

I’m at a bit of a loss this time. I think the only particularly evident lesson here is King Randor’s insistence that you should always read the instructions before trying to operate machinery, especially if your default approach is to blow the machinery up.

Character checklist

No surprises today: it’s He-Man, Cringer, Krass, Teela, Duncan, King Randor, Skeletor, Mer-Man, Evil-Lyn, Beast-Man and Trapjaw, and there’s also a weird dream-sequence cameo for Man-e-Faces.

Insults

Mer-Man gets most of the badmouthing: Duncan calls him a “psychic karate fish-man”, while Evil-Lyn goes for the simpler “overgrown guppy”. Elsewhere, Beast-Man sneeringly addresses Cringer as “Palace Cat”, which – after seven years running this blog – presents me with my first opportunity to mention my favourite animal, the Pallas Cat, otherwise known as the manul. Look at it. Just look at it.

Pallas Cat: “I hate you all so much.”

Does it have the Power?

It’s a very simple episode that consists almost entirely of an elongated fight scene. While it’s engaging enough, I found myself wishing for a little bit more substance, especially with the Krass storyline. He-Man came close to bringing her back today, but got rebuffed rather coldly, which was a very effective moment: it would have been nice to see more of that, rather than the fairly incessant banging and explosions. Still, there’s nothing wrong with this instalment, but don’t go in expecting greatness.

Episode 21 – Wrath of the Mer-Man

In which Mer-Man’s motives are difficult to divine.

The action kicks off in Snake Mountain today, where Evil-Lyn and the gang are merrily harvesting proto-Havoc from the Snake-Men, with the aim of restoring their powers. Things, rather surprisingly, go off without a hitch, and we’re treated to the glorious return of Evil-Lyn, Beast-Man and Trapjaw, who then voice their intention to go and claim the Sigil of Hiss. I feel like they’re about five episodes behind everyone else by this point, and I honestly can’t remember what they even want the Sigil for.

Evil-Lyn: “With eyes this shiny, who needs to be up to date?”

Still, I daresay that’ll all become clear as and when the time is right. For now, we cut back to the Teela/Duncan/Eldress storyline, where we find that Mer-Man has imprisoned them in a circular room containing a swimming pool, at the bottom of which is the Wind Raider. Our heroes can’t get the Wind Raider back without their power weapons, and their power weapons are stuck inside the Wind Raider. Back in Filmation, they’d simply have to wait for He-Man to barge his way in and sort this out, but in this series, I think they’ll be required to solve their own problems. Things were easier in the 80s when we could simply wait for muscle-bound morons to give us a hand.

Anyway, Mer-Man pops up at this juncture to announce that he’s fine with Teela and Duncan pissing off, but he won’t let Eldress go. This is because, as Eldress explains, she is responsible for ending King Grayskull’s life. This sounds like a non sequitur to me – I can’t begin to fathom why Mer-Man would give two tiniest fucks who killed King Grayskull – but no doubt there’s some deeper reasoning here.

Mer-Man: “Don’t worry, I’ll explain later.”

Before we can delve further into what Mer-Man’s beef is, the episode cuts to Krass and Skeletor, who are still on their way to Leviathay with Prince Adam, Cringer and King Randor in pursuit. Adding to the fun, the Evil-Lyn collective show up and blast Krass out of the sky, and if He-Man didn’t get involved, that would have been that for her. Even so, Krass’ immediate priority is to try and smash He-Man’s head in, though they’re quickly distracted by the arrival of Team Evil-Lyn, King Randor, and the Monstroids. The stage is set for the biggest brawl since that time my mate Baz accidentally trod on some crazy dude’s foot in the Punch Bowl in 2003.

With that, it’s back to Mer-Man, who now explains that Eldress buried King Grayskull in Leviathay and then unleashed the Monstroids to guard the tomb. He adds that King Grayskull was really nice to the Mer-People in times gone by, and that they in turn fought with him against the Snake-Men. Finally, he hints that Eldress is a traitor, then spouts some claptrap about Krass, and finishes up by diving into his paddling pool.

Eldress continues to refuse to explain things, but does reveal the answer to a question that no one was asking: who is Teela’s mum? Well, obviously, it’s Eldress. Great, thanks for that info. Eldress then disappears, probably for good this time, imparting a load of knowledge into Teela’s head as she does so. Once that’s over with, Teela and Duncan jump into the paddling pool too, from which they successfully retrieve the Wind Raider. Doubtless this makes sense in someone’s head, but definitely not in mine.

Duncan: “Perhaps I could contrive to get eaten by a giant fish in here, like my counterpart in MYP.”

Back on the surface, there’s the usual collection of explosions, flashing lights and heavy grunting that signifies a battle in this series. By the end of it, the assembled multitudes have defeated the Monstroids and are about to enter King Grayskull’s tomb, when Mer-Men emerges from beneath the ice to ask who wants to raise King Grayskull from the grave. After a brief and slightly disjointed debate, Mer-Man decides to allow Krass to enter the tomb, and He-Man barrels in after her. Mer-Man then reverts to the issue he had at the end of last episode and says something which I couldn’t understand, no matter how many times I rewound the video. Shame, because it seems important. At any rate, he then seals the tomb, with Krass and He-Man inside.

In today’s adventure…

The lesson of the week is supplied by Mer-Man, and it’s very clear: enunciate, darling, enunciate, or we won’t be able to tell what the hell you’re talking about.

Character checklist

It’s pretty much the whole gang this week: that’s Prince Adam, He-Man, Cringer, Teela, Duncan, Krass, Eldress, King Randor, Skeletor, Mer-Man, Evil-Lyn, Trapjaw, Beast-Man and Tri-Klops. Man-e-Faces also makes an unexpected appearance in a quick flashback, but Orko remains conspicuous by his absence.

He-Man: “You’re not going to whack me with that mace while my back’s turned, right?”

Insults

I’m pretty sure that towards the start of the episode, Evil-Lyn refers to Beast-Man and Trapjaw as “idiotic”, though there was a fair bit of noise going on at the time and I couldn’t be absolutely certain. We’re on firmer ground with Skeletor’s excellent diss of King Randor, referring to him as “King Blandor”, which I honestly can’t believe we’ve never come up against before. Finally, Beast-Man suggests the obvious but effective “fish” in regard to Mer-Man.

Does it have the Power?

Despite a fair proportion of the runtime feeling like it’s simply moving people into position for where they need to be next week, and despite quite a lot of time being dedicated to the Teela/Eldress nonsense, this episode is great fun and entertaining right the way through. I think I’ve been clear in pretty much every incarnation of Masters of the Universe that I don’t really care about Teela’s back story, so I can’t summon much enthusiasm for it here, but at least it’s dealt with quickly and effectively, and without all the emotional weepiness that the 2018 She-Ra series, for example, would have burdened it with. Away from that storyline, the episode is action-packed and full of comic moments: yet again, Skeletor is on particularly good form. Mer-Man seems a little bit confused, but it’s all got a great sense of drama, and the final cliffhanger with Krass and He-Man trapped inside the tomb is nicely effective. I don’t imagine anyone would call this the best of the series, but it’s definitely really great fun to watch, and that’s surely all we can ask.

Episode 19 – The Haunting of Castle Grayskull

In which He-Man accidentally summons up his ancestor.

Skeletor – still in ghost form – kicks off proceedings this week by explaining to Krass that King Grayskull, in years gone by, was the one initially responsible for bringing Havoc to Eternia, but Krass is no more interested in this than I am. Instead, she wants Skeletor to keep his word and restore her parents to life. Skeletor explains that it’s not that simple – when is it ever? – and says that he will need to find the tomb of King Grayskull first, wherein rests the power to bring Skeletor and Krass’ parents back to life. With that, he seals Castle Grayskull up, and despite beating merry hell out of a seemingly endless quantity of Snake-Men, He-Man can’t regain entry.

He-Man: “My, my, Rattlor, what big teeth you’ve got.”

Two weeks pass, and our heroes spend their time fighting back Snake-Men incursions all over Eternia, as well as puzzling over why Skeletor has set the Snake-Men to work digging an enormous hole. Eventually, when they get a tiny bit of free time, Adam and Randor decide to take a little father-son bonding trip up to the Mystic Mountains to investigate the cave where the Ramstone in Krass’ helmet came from, in the hope of finding a way of getting Krass back on side.

On arrival at the cave, they discover that it seems to be the first nest i.e. the place where the very first Snake-Men entered Eternia in the distant past. It doesn’t offer any clues to saving Krass though, at least not until He-Man hurls his sword at a wall in a temper. This unleashes the ghost of King Grayskull – don’t ask me why, though I’m sure there’s a perfectly sensible explanation – who decides that his time would be best spent using a ghostly Sceptre of Havoc to have a barney with He-Man. This eventually leads He-Man to the conclusion that he will have to use Havoc to defeat the Snake-Men.

King Grayskull: “Stop blocking the camera on my dramatic entrance, He-Man.”

It should probably also be noted that Evil-Lyn, R’Kazz, Kronis and Tri-Klops are hanging around the fringes of this episode, engaged in some tomfoolery involving capturing Snake-Men and extracting their proto-Havoc. Kronis notes that if they distil enough Havoc, they’ll be able to get their powers back, and to that end, the gang lure a whole bunch of Snake-Men to Snake Mountain.

In today’s adventure…

When He-Man is unable to find a quick fix for Krass in the cave, he starts off on a bit of a whinge about how it’s not fair. King Randor reminds him that, even for powerful people, not everything can be fixed with the flick of a switch. I suppose the lesson we can learn from this is the rather nihilistic view that it’s not worth trying to fix some things in your life, because you just can’t. How we can tell the difference between the things we can and can’t fix is left unexplained.

King Randor: “Fortunately, this is one of the things that can be fixed.”

Character checklist

Our dramatis personae this week consists of Prince Adam, He-Man, Cringer, Krass, Teela, Duncan, King Randor, Skeletor, Evil-Lyn, R’Kazz, Kronis, Tri-Klops, Webstor, a chap who might well be Rattlor, and lots of Snake-Men. We also get a last-minute appearance for Eldress, and who could forget that crowd-pleasing showing from the ghost of King Grayskull?

Insults

Skeletor describes Evil-Lyn, Beast-Man and Trapjaw as “riff-raff”, but that’s as far as this episode goes with insults, which is a tad disappointing.

Does it have the Power?

There’s nothing wrong with this episode at all, but equally nothing to make it stand out. It’s got decent action sequences which roll along nicely, and we get a fair bit of plot movement in the Snake-Men’s search for King Grayskull, as well as Skeletor’s former henchmen and their effort to regain their powers, and possibly a touch of regret in Krass for her abandonment of her friends. So story- and action-wise, it’s all fine, but it also feels a bit by-the-numbers, and it’s lacking the usual sense of humour. Definitely not a loser, but by no means a winner either.